Is this a disorder?

[lollie18]

Sorry, this is a bit long. MIL is a heavy drinker who always wants to be the centre of attention. Whether it's someone else's wedding, birthday or one of her granchildren's Christenings, you name it she creates a drama to put herself in centre stage. Over the years she's had numerous injuries, some pretty serious, when drunk. Either that or, if she's feeling neglected, she'll call (drunk) and say her husband's having a heart attack. It's always turned out to be something less serious. So, the last time she stayed at our house, she fell down some stairs and badly cut her foot. A few years ago, at a family birthday, she fell down some stairs and was knocked unconscious. Now, she's fallen down our stairs and broken her leg. She was drunk when it happened, so I'm not feeling as sympathetic as I might have done otherwise. The reason I'm posting is that over the last couple of days, I've had this niggling feeling that there's more to this than just a drunk person losing their balance on the stairs once too often. Knowing her propensity for being a drama queen, could there be a possibility that she's, perhaps quite unconsciously, causing these accidents? I feel awful for even thinking it, but I told DH that if I'd had even half the number of serious accidents she's had while drunk, I'd seriously think about not drinking again. Could it be that she actually enjoys the attention she gets when she's injured? I'd be interested to know what mumsnetters think because I'm not sure if I'm reading something into nothing.

Heavy alcohol use can damage peripheral nerves, which could make your MIL more likely to have falls.

She is an alcoholic. I think that is plenty enough reason for the falls and accidents. Also, age and drinking will mean that she is probably not going to heal as well as a younger sober person.

How does she behave when she is sober?

My ex h was like this! He loved to create drama and illness and injury was best way. He LOVED even negative attention. And towards the end, I had grown wise, and could see him sat there desperately trying to get himself as centre of attention. He was diagnosed with a personality disorder. His mother was the same, to a lesser degree.

Oh, and in their family, alcohol Was never used to fuel it

It will be the alcohol.

Focus your energies on the alcohol issue rather than being distracted with whether she is doing anything for attention.

My beloved mother was an alcoholic. Alcoholics are attention seekers, no doubt about it. However, the falls will be as a result of the alcohol. Trust me. If you raise your concern however, she will hugely blow it up and it will becomes a big attention seeking thing.

Histrionic personality disorder you're thinking? Maybe. You're unlikely ever to be able to drag her to a psychiatrist for a proper diagnosis.

My mum was an alcoholic for about 13 years. Been sober for 20. During her alcoholic years she visited every single hospital in the borough! Even stating her preference on ocassions.

It's all part of the same thing

Dependency on alcohol

Is she receiving treatment ?

Sorry not to have responded to posts before, I've only just got rid of the ILs and felt someone was looking over my shoulder every time I used the internet. I think the fact that MIL was drinking the day she was discharged from hospital, having had a general anaesthetic that morning says it all really. FIL was averaging 1.5 bottles of wine every night he was here. DH and his siblings are trying to think of the best way to approach them about it. I'd never heard of histrionic personality disorder before Annie, but a lot of MIL's behaviour fits the bill. However, I agree that it is the alcohol abuse that really needs addressing. Anyone confronted their parents over their excessive drinking? What was the reaction?

lollie,

Unfortunately talking to your ILs about their alcohol consumption will be a complete waste of time and effort on your part. They will not stop drinking simply because you've asked them to do so. They are also likely to be heavily in denial like many alcoholics are and it will blow up in your face. You cannot make them seek help if they don't want it and you cannot and must not take ownership of their alcoholism.

The 3cs re alcoholism:-
You did not cause it
You cannot control it
You cannot cure it

If they visit you cannot have any alcohol at all in the house nor drink with them. Infact I would have as little contact with them as possible; they always seem to bring chaos with them or leave chaos in their wake.

If would suggest Al-anon is contacted by you or your H as they can help family members of problem drinkers.