will we ever have sex again?

[fireflyz]

Feels like an eternity. Baby's a year old and no sex since the (difficult) birth and we didnt have sex much when expecting either so its about 2 years. Feel a bit panicked about it. Worried i don't work properly. Feels like I've shrunk. Can't face smear test either by the way. DH very good about it. We are just so tired or busy with what feels like endless chores or no energy or suddenly realise we haven't had a shower for days. No family nearby, no babysitter. Are we normal? Will this ever end?

Interesting Barreal. I have been to Japan - but obviously not the right bathrooms!

I was just thinking about it this showering malarky. I've camped and not managed to have showers BUT did manage to wash ourselves standing naked in the middle of the woods, washing from a basin (hot water) and then having DH pour water over me as he pretended to be a shower. (daily)

For me, it is that important to feel clean. I think if you let basic standards go then it's a slippery slope.

Mass
We do lots of camping, too, and always find water to wash with, be it water from the water jugs, or a stream, or a natural hot spring.
Indeed, this winter vacation I hope to be doing just that in the Nevada desert.
Bring on the 22nd!
Oops, digression.
I think I'll hop back in the bath. 3rd one in as many hours.
;)

firefly, first of all, stop being so hard on yourself.

Second, plan a sex night. Tell your DH that you would like to resume normal relations and tell him you are scared and worried and nervous. Bet you he feels the same. Intimacy is more than just a quick fuck. You need to re-establish the communication first. The loving tenderness.

Maybe on your sex date night you can plan to NOT have sex, just lots of kissing and touching and see where it goes from there.

Do not expect fireworks, crashing waves and orchestras - you may be too nervous but thats also OK.

In a word, fake it (that you want it) until you make it (that you DO want it!).

Also, sort out your contraception - nothing more passion killing that the thought of another difficult birth.

Some of the over-the-top reactions in here regarding bathing have a point, it is a sign of depression, i for example, have ptsd and I'm going to start treatment next week, but on the other hand, water usage varies from place to place, where I grew up washing your hair everyday was normal, here, I would not dream of it, and when I lived in Spain it felt very wrong to have baths given their lack of water. My ds is 8 mo and yes, I do find it difficult to find time for myself, and sometimes when I do I have other priorities, don't let people get you down on this, as long as you don't smell and have basic hygene I don't see why not having a bath as often as other people is a bad thing in itself.

It sounds so easy: talking to your partner about it, going back to being able to enjoy your body, touch yourself and have 'normal' intimacy, I know that it's hard, good luck. Xx

Next time your toddler is asleep, run a bath and hop in together. Take it from there.

I don't believe that the "tactile" couple who have not had sex for 12 years are happy with this, suspect one or both of them has a bit on the side! Noticable PDAs and going on about how happy you are usually means the exact opposite.

The time the OP took to post here would have been better spent under the shower. If she was clinically depressed (as has been suggested) then she wouldn't have posted here.
I very much doubt this thread is genuine.

Why would she not have posted here change99?
higgle I suspect you are right.

that showering thing is a really big deal. I recently spent 3 days sick in bed...dragged myself out eventually because I couldn't bear the smell of my armpits anymore.

I often don't shower on a weekend day. But by the next day, I feel pretty disgusting and stinky. Not showering for days is a bit weird...I can get myself quite skanky if I'm alone on a weekend but I know I smell and would never go out like that. And could not have sex with a dirty sweaty person....probably don't brush teeth often enough either...

Main point: men that don't wash properly/frequently are yuck...ever given a man like that a BJ? I have .... vomit!

Fizz I agree. I sometimes stay in my pjs on a Saturday and do all my cleaning. I flop into bed without showering and by Sunday morning I feel like a total skank!!! 48hrs without a bath/shower is pretty minging. Going days indicates an underlying problem.

Can you get a night off ? Can family/ friends babysit ?
If so - I suggest for Xmas you book a night in a hotel for the New Year ( Groupon / Livingsocial /Wowcher have lots of cheap offers in spa hotels )

Go away kid free and see what happens ....
(btw I had a horrendous birth and was terrified - but it was fine - please please please though for comfort (don t laugh I'm serious ) take LOTS of lube & if possible don t use condoms.

It will be fine it was for me after a similar time lapse x

Thanks for your comments peeps!
Just to say we got there in the end and it was fine :)

PS I'm not referring to the shower... ooer

not going to talk about the showering thing it seems to have been done enougth on here. are people that rally insensetive?seems like you and your partner are having really hard times right now. i noticed you mentioned you dident have sex before the birth. that makes me wonder are things allright in the relationship are you both happy?

Sod the showers, but FOR GOD SAKE GET YOUR SMEAR TEST!!! Talk to your GP/FPC, but please please please DO NOT PUT IT OFF!!

I had a scare earlier in the year with bleeding between cycles. My Smear's were up to date, but it still scared the fuck out of me.

PLEASE!!!!

FWIW I think the lack of showering is possibly linked to low self-esteem, which may be one of the reasons sex has gone out of the window.
I doubt it will go away of it's own accord, get some help.

x

Well I am amazed that you lot haven't scared the OP out of her depth.
I f it had been a woman suffering from PND, as someone suggested, you would all have put her off to ever post on here again

As so showering everyday etc... It's just as well that none of you lives in a warmer country, not to say a tropical one. What an over reaction!

Well done OP. To all the shower fascists: people didn't used to bathe all winter in cold climates, not saying that's the ideal, but ffs, get a grip.

Blimey what a strange reaction to the OP.

OP I am pleased that you "got there" and everything was working properly

I think it is quite normal for people to go off sex after having a baby - tiredness and all the rest of it. A year is not unusual - some people are straight at it again more or less after birth and some take longer than a year to get back to it. There is no "right" answer. As long as you and your DH are happy, on the same page, and keeping and eye on your relationship then that's all you need to worry about IMO

Thank you for your posts today guys. Having now got through this difficult period of my life I feel your comments to be very sensible. And yes I will get that smear test done. There were other replies to my post earlier that were also very sensible.
But yes, some other replies did make me feel like a leper! The rambling on about showers (and japanese baths?!) was a bit mad, even Victorian - let's not talk about SEX - let's talk about SHOWERS!!!! IN JAPAN!!!! Made me laugh actually which might be a good thing :)
As for one or two people who replied saying I had clinical depression, well, I think a basic requirement of most doctors would be to see someone in the flesh before making that diagnosis. Ho hum.
And the suggestion that it wasn't even a genuine post was a bit hurtful and unhelpful - as if my post was so 'kerrazy' it couldn't be true. Cheers. Somehow I don't think that person will be on the Samaritans recruitment shortlist :)
Anyway, time to move on. Now I'm off to bed with my OH. We might sleep or we might not. Hurrah!

Bless you, wonderful.

My kid is 13 months. Showering doesn't always happen, it's normal. If you have a child who isn't a sleeper and you're the kind of parent who doesn't like leaving them untended to scream while you attend to your own ablutions, not having a shower every day is pretty much inevitable. You don't sound depressed, you sound normal and not a prat.

I'm pleased to read a happy ending from a thread for a change!

i have a 19month old and a 31 month old and i still manage to have sex around 5times a week. as for the shower thing, my eldest goes to bed at 7pm and the youngest at 9pm....i run my bath while geting them ready for bed n bath myself once i put them to bed. no biggy! takes 15mins to hop in scrub down, wash hair and shave legs.