I posted 18 months or so ago under a different name about H's issues with alcohol - or rather the insufferable, obnoxious lying twat he is when drunk. To reiterate briefly, we were both heavy drinkers when we met and had many 'adventures'. After marriage and kids I grew up and drank less. H 'suddenly' began to react very differently to drink and being drunk. Started seeming very drunk on much less alcohol than before, started losing time, being horrible and rude to me etc. His colleagues were mentioning it.
Couple of awful nights - don't want to go into details but it was really bad.
His mantra of 'you are being ridiculous and hypocritical' is what had me on the brink of leaving rather than the alcohol per se. He was never a daily or habitual drinker.
After I gave him a straight ultimatum (I hate ultimatums but it was that or just leave), he went to the doctor to see if there was any underlying cause (no), and started drinking less, being honest about when he was intending to come home (I'd much prefer a 'I'll be back really late, probably after 2am' than 'I'll be back at 11' and then nothing), and generally things improved a lot. He was more aware of how he came across when drunk and the consequences of that at work and home.
He's away for work at the moment, abroad, in a country where the vast majority of citizens do not drink. He has been to this country before on the same project over the past 8/9 months. Because of the time difference we skype very briefly in the morning (he is already at work), and again just before the DCs bedtime (which is his late evening). Then he and I will chat before I go to bed.
It was DS's birthday yesterday. We had a family celebration before DH left but he wanted to see DS opening his presents on the day. That happened in the morning and went well. I took the DCs out for the day, exchanging a couple of texts with DH. H said he was going to watch the football with a colleague (they are working the weekend). We arranged he'd skype us before the DCs went to bed.
At bedtime he texted to say he was staying out 'talking shop'. I said not to worry and to have a nice time. He said he'd skype me when he got back to the hotel.
Needless to say he didn't, nor did he text or call or anything. This is very unusual. I tried to call him at about 5am UK time and it went to voicemail. He relies on his mobile as an alarm and missing work would have serious consequences so I rang his personal mobile, which rang out. Then he called me, obviously out of it.
He said he had tried to call me last night. I don't know why, it's trivial, but that lie (definitely a lie, I had no missed calls, no texts nor emails and he doesn't just try once then give up, ever), just gave me this last-straw feeling. Why not just say he was out of battery? Or forgot. Or whatever.
I asked if he shouldn't be in work and he said he was in his colleague's hotel room 'across town' and they were heading to the office soon.
I didn't ask but there might've been drugs involved, it wouldn't be a massive surprise - unlikely only because of the very strict attitude towards drugs in the country H is in and the improbability of he and his colleague scoring.
Either way, doesn't matter.
I am surprised by how I feel. I am not even angry, just disappointed. Back in the day I'd be calling him to make sure he was up and out, telling him to have a shower and change his clothes, basically taking responsibility. But once I knew he was alive (melodramatic I know, but he has been in some stupid situations in the past one of which nearly did kill him), I just didn't care. Being in a state/missing work/acting like a twat around these colleagues in this country will probably have massive repurcussions for H at work. I am just irritated. Don't feel concerned other than for the impact it would have on the DCs if he lost his job.
And before I 'knew he was alive', I was just pissed off he hasn't sorted out his life insurance yet.
I have had enough.
But - he hasn't really done anything, has he. He's gotten drunk, or whatever. He's a grown-up. He told one insignificant lie. No big deal. So why do I feel like I don't love him anymore, just like that?