Advice please fellow Mums

[Doc75]

Last night my husband stormed off at 1am & went to a lap dancing club finally returning at 5am completely pissed, covered in bruises and staggering around.
Our children then woke up at 6.15am. We are having relationship problems and we are awaiting marriage guidance counselling. He says this was in retaliation to me shouting at him for not making the bed-I did however apologise for this but he then decided to drink a bottle of red wine, beer and brandy.
He is a different person when he is drunk and confrontational.I realise I am not blameless but I don't know how to handle him. His behaviour is destructive.I cannot talk to my friends about this & family take sides....hence this posting.
Advice please.......

It was his decision to drink like that after you shouted at him. He could have chosen to handle the problem in a more constructive way.

Does he drink like this often? Perhaps he needs to confront his alcohol problem as well as the relationship difficulties. How long do you have to wait for counselling?

Here's your post on AIBU: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1351482-Advice-help

Your h obviously has a problem with alcohol. Relate are not best placed to counsel alcoholics therefore while you are waiting for an appointment to ascertain whether your marriage can be salvaged I would suggest that you point him in the direction of either Alcoholics Anonymous or the door, because your acrimonious relationship will, if it hasnt already, adversely impact on your dc.

Here's your post on AIBU: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1351482-Advice-help

He drinks every night and binge drinks to excess prob twice a week
its a no win situation because he blames me & our relationship for his drinking but his drinking makes the whole situation a lot worse.
He has turned up to collect our daughter from school pissed and sometimes passes out on the sofa with a glass in his hand.I love him but don't know how much longer we can go on. I'll try counselling (next week) & reassess after a few weeks.He doesn't aknowledge the drinking problem exists.

Just because he's not ready to knock on AA's door doesn't mean that you can't, Doc. AA also offer support to those who are conflicted by living with an alcoholic.

Oh, crikey that sounds like a lot of drinking Don't let him blame you for his drinking! It's his decision to respond to stress by drinking like that. He needs to acknowledge that he's got a problem before you can do anything really. It's obviously the focus of all the problems you're experiencing. Until he faces up to the fact that he's an alcoholic there's nothing you can do.

If he refuses to face up to it and seek help, then you'll need to reassess your relationship because very few can survive intact with alcoholism. I've lived with three drinkers in my time (mother and two partners) and it was impossible.

Yes, what hidden said - his decision to drink. It's how he deals (doesn't deal) with stress. The terrrrible stress of being shouted at.

I read your post a while ago and had to go away and have a think because it touched a nerve for me. My husband was an alcoholic. He was always a big drinker. Everything made him drink. He tried to blame me too. I moved out. You don't have to, but this isn't going to be easy.

I'm afraid I don't think the relationship counselling is going to even scratch the surface of this one, because he's an alcoholic. But don't not go. He has to knock the booze on the head if you're going to have a marriage, and while it is totally his journey, his battle, your support will be essential for him.

It kind of occured to me that you might video him when he's drunk, so that he can see himself. I wouldn't suggest this lightly as I'm not sure I wholly approve of it, but this is seriously serious, isn't it? And keep a record of his drinking, as he's not in touch with his consumption any more. Compare it to recommendations about healthy levels. Tell him what he's spending. What he's risking. And let him know how much you love him too & how serious you are about wanting it to work, and your intention to tackle your own issues too, with him and for him. Good luck pet x

Sounds obvious, but don't forget to praise and appreciate the small things too, if there still are any!

Thank you all for your advice.We have managed 2 hours of sober discussion.
He listened & agreed he has a problem at last.
Hopefully no passing out on the sofa or lap dancers tonight.
Thanks for the video advice.I actually took some video last night
& some photos of the blood to show him but haven't braved showing the
to him tonight:will maybe need it as evidence if we end up in court.
Will keep you posted.
Have decided to go to an AA support group too.