Hi all, this may be a very confusing and very long post......................
Had a terrible agrguement with my h last night, we have been having disagreements for the last two months, not about the same subject and not concurrently but a lot more than we would normally fight.
We have been married 10 years and have 2 darling children, ds 4 and dd 6months.
Our first problem:
We used to have a great sex life. Obviously having young children kills spontaneity and I acknowledge through tiredness etc that we both have become a bit lazy. I didn't have a high sex drive whilst I was pregnant this time but had a very high one on my first pregnancy. So h is not to blame for lack of sex in that period although I did perform certain things for him so on some level we had been intimate. My huge gripe with my h is that he doesn't ever want to kiss or cuddle me ever, maybe if there was a celebration of some kind. When we hold hands it's me who reaches for his and even though he denies it, he seems to be itching to let go as soon as he can. Kissing is a big no no, a snog is definitely out of the question ( maybe what he says is true, married couples don't song - honestly don't know, I would be too embarrassed to ask any of my married friends) even when we do have sex the kissing part ( which I used to really enjoy and really helps to get me in the mood) is over in less than a minute. I have asked my h why he doesn't like kissing me etc do I have bad breath etcI actually now don't enjoy the little bit we do do(which at the moment could be as little 1/month).
As I said earlier h thinks this is normal after 10 years, it's not as good and as exciting as it once was or would be with a new partner. I don't agree, some people think as your emotional bond deepens that maybe the ripping off stage goes but that the sex can still be amazing and often better with someone you have a deep connection with. I have asked him he thinks he has low sex drive, he claims no. So I guess this is my major issue with him and I have caused problems recently because of it. I have not outright accused him of an affair but I have asked if there is someone else, men usually want a lot of sex so my thought was, well he seems to like sex, talks about attractive movie stars, he will watch a program about sex on the tv etc he doesn't want me is it because he's getting else where, he denies any such thing categorically. There is no other evidence, he leaves his phone around, we know all each others passwords for email accounts except his work one which is in his office. I lost all the baby weight, I have a little loose skin on my belly which I am very self conscious about, I'm not unattractive and I'm younger( not substantially) than him. I would never dream of having an affair but I feel really sad at the lack of touch and I feel so unloved and I would love to feel desired by the man I love and whom normally I desire and fancy.
2nd problem;
Yesterday I heard news which I was expecting, it is going to majorly change all of our lives, not altogether negatively but not the best thing for our family. Nobody is sick or dying or anything like that. It was nothing my h has control over and it was not his fault. I felt really down over it yesterday, I was down and h kept saying, we must be positive.....of course he is right we can't change it but just for one day/couple of hours I felt sad and couldn't just immediately say ok well that's that nothing can be done, put a smile on my face and make the most of it. Today maybe but definitely by next week I would have brushed myself down and got on with it. Last night when I made a comment about the situation, had just read something relevant to the situation on the web, my h became furious with me, literally roaring like a lion, kicked the the table violently in front of him and threw something else across the room ( not characteristically like him btw) shouting that I'm such a negative person, complain about everything, I literally couldn't say anything right. I'm no saint I have been fighting with him a lot recently not always the cause of it but I have complained that in the last 6 months I have had 3 evenings of 1.5hrs to myself and on each evening when I returned I returned to chaos and I have said that I was disappointed. My h went away with his friends last week over night to see a game, and I had to deal with that, I don't think he really appreciates me at all. He has said that he would never leave me because of the kids, I am really beginning to wonder is it over, if we didn't have children Would he be gone. I've told him he's not doing the family/children any favors by staying just so they don't grow up in a broken home, children sense problems and of course the elder one would be devastated if we did separate but I think two parents happily living apart is better that two bitter ones together and I do worry that maybe I am becoming bitter. I'm exhausted and freezing cold and my heart is just so heavy and sad. I thought maybe writing it down might help but maybe I do sound very me me me.
Thanks if you've got this far :(