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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need to vent really

2 replies

OnlyForMe · 26/11/2011 14:14

Not sure what I want to acheive, probably just need to vent.

Had a conversation with H this week. Had been asking him to a long time that we sat down to talk about our relationship but he always avoided it. He finally decided that actually that was a good enough idea.

So apparently, he has behaving like a prick all because of me.
Stonewalling me and refusing to communicate because it's impossible to talk to me anyway.
That I am putting him down all the time.

I think I've tried all the tricks I could think of to talk to him. 'I' sentences and not 'You', trying to involve him in decision making 'There is X problem and I was wondering how to solve it. What about if we do Y? What do you think about it?' and the like. He is just looking at me and staying silent. Nothing is working.
Anything that I am proposing in taken as a put down, even if I am actually just stating a different opinion to him about something happening in the news!

Because I can't face yet another (silent) argument, so many things have been left. The kitchen is looking like it's in the middle of major redecorating work, has been like this for a few years because if I mentioned that we need to get on doing something about it, he gets stroppy (I'm telling him what to do, I am controlling).
We don't talk about anything other than small chitchat beccause otherwise he is feeling under threat (ditto the news etc...).
We can't talk about parenting our dcs even though both our dcs need some support but talking about changing our behaviour/how we could both support them is out of the question. etc....

Really really have enough today...

OP posts:
sausagesarenottheonlyfruit · 26/11/2011 14:19

I'm not surprised you need a rant! Why can he not take responsibility for his own moods and actions?

What's his birth family dynamic like, out of interest? Are your inlaws quite oppositional people?

OnlyForMe · 26/11/2011 14:24

Well actually quite the opposite.
He has been taught to never express disagreement. So will say yes even if he means no.
On the other side I am actually the opposite. There has never been any issue with peole passionately defending their opinions because we all know we love each other and said discussion will not change that.

OP posts:
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