How can I put my mother off visiting tomorrow???RANT..sorry.

[jac34]

My parents want to come to visit tomorrow and I just don't want them to come!!
My Dad is fine,but my Mum is just a complete PITA.They came for Christmas lunch and she pi$$ed DH and myself off enough then.
She shows no interest in our children and spends the whole time she's here, running down me/DH/our house and just generally gabbing on about nothing in particular.She rings me every day,to tell me the same rubbish she's told me the day before and you can guarantee she'll ring at the most inconvenient time,while we're eating tea,while I'm doing homework with the kids,putting them to bed.If I'm on my knees cleaning the bathroom floor and the phone rings....yes you've guessed it's her.If I don't answer she'll ring every 5 minutes until I do.If I tell her I'm busy,she just ignores me and carries on anyway.
I've been back in work this week,tomorrow is my day off and the kids are in school,I have shopping to do,have to go to the bank,strip the beds and clean the house.All of which has to be done before she comes as she doesn't like me to carry on and do house work while she's here.She just rang to ask if I'd go out to lunch with them and sounded annoyed when I said I was too busy, but they could call in when they had finished.

I don't want to see her she pi$$es me off so much

would caller ID not help with the phone calls?

Just tell her that ur out, that way she can't come round if she thinks ur not in

vomiting bug

Tell her you would love her to come but you (plus a couple of other members of your family) are sick with coldy/fluey (sp) stuff) so you don't want to inflicte germs.

Winter Vomiting is always a good one.............

I went somewhere the other day where I needed to switch my mobile off. When I switched it back on I had 10 missed calls.....guess who!!
You'd think there was a major incident for her to be ringing that much......NO just telling me what the woman across the road was doing for Christmas,or some such rubbish.

Yes, tell her you've gone down with this vomiting bug. I've had mine for a fortnight so you could get out of seeing her for ages if you played your cards right.

JAc 34

I know she drives you proper bonkers, but could this be the start of some decline in her or has she always been this way ??

Ladysherlock,
Yes she's always been a complete pain
When I was single and before I had the boys,I just seemed to find it easier to avoid having to see them. It's a shame really as I get on really well with my Dad.He once told me that since he's retired she has made his life a living hell

I'm hopeing for a bit of snow, that'll stop her. She's always watching the weather and will not let my Dad drive if there is a flake on the ground.

Can I ask a stupid question ???

what??

Message withdrawn

Why doesn't some rear up and tell her to bugger off,tell her she is a controlling witch and that you all have lives to lead ??

I've tried that....got me absolutely nowhere
She just behaved as if I was being a badly behaved child,went home and waited for ME to apologise.
I didn't, but after a week or so my Dad came to see me and calmed things over,thats when he told me how she keeps on at him all the time. He said he really missed us and the boys and couldn't we just be friends

I've concidered having a word with him, to say, call her off a bit she's really pi$$ing us off again.

Oh dear..............not ideal, she needs an interest.

WI

Meals on wheels

Anything...................

My MIL never took no for an answer, oh and that is why she is my ex mil ha ha! You have soooooo got to put her off, bird flu perhaps, caught from the xmas turkey!

Tell her straight that she can't visit tomorrow as you have too much to do. Do things on your terms. Be polite, but on your terms.

I have only just managed to start doing this with my mum. She used to jabber away on the phone about nothing much and when I said, 'Mum, I really, really have to go now as the baby's crying and the kids need food ..' she'd just carry on or act offended so I kept on listening. These days I insist. 'No really, I'm going now. Bye'. I feel much better about it.

Free yourself from guilt. Do it on your terms, then you won't be so angry with her and everyone will benefit. Take the control back.

Good luck.

She used to belong to,The Townswomens Guild, but most of them snuffed it so they disbanded
She gave up work a year after getting married, to devote herself to her family,7 years later I was born and I don't think she was as impressed with having a child as she thought she'd be.
My Dad was overjoyed and took me everywhere and did loads with me,Mum stayed at home most of the time,or came along and moaned.
She now has two grandchildren she could take an interest in but,doesn't really want to know.
Now my Dads retired she would rather be,shopping,eating out or going away on holiday, or of course her other favourite pass time telling her daughter and son-in-law,that they should be,doing DIY/dieting/bringing up their children better,etc...

Jac34,

"Now my Dads retired she would rather be,shopping,eating out or going away on holiday"

Blimey do we share the same sort of Mum or what!. Mine is exactly like this (amongst other similarities she shows same sort of disinterest in their grandchild). I often wonder why she is the way she is. I have come to realise that in my Mum's case a combination of long term boredom, unrealistic expectations re family life and now a self imposed lack of other people for company asides my Dad (she has no close female friends now of her own age, also she has never gone out of her way to meet other people) are factors. Its a complicated mix.

It sounds like she is profoundly disappointed by what life has given her. She may well have had unrealistic expectations of family life and all this frustration and disappointment of same is now being poured on you. Its still no excuse though.

P.S Guilt is a useless emotion

GUILT.....is the only reason I put up with it.
I just feel I should still make an effort to see them,just accept the constant critisism and try not to let it effect me.
However,on certain days(like today),I'd rather not see her as I know I'd be so tempted to tell her exactly what I think of her.
It's easier to just completely avoid the whole situation.

Any good trying to redirect her energy? you sound like you're really busy, she sounds like she has time on her hands.

When she phones to fix a lunch date can you say, no I can't do it this week (got bank business/ housework etc) but how about you taking the children to the cinema on Saturday so I can catch up with things and be free to see you for lunch next week?

Keep throwing a variety of nice but useful tasks her way - the underlying message being the more she's around to help, the more you're around to give her attention. With luck, she'll either get the message and pitch in or she'll back off.

It's just an idea - don't know if it would work with your mother. I sometimes try a similar thing with my children when they won't leave me alone. I start talking to them about their homework and they soon scarper!

We've tried that,she really isn't interested in taking the children out on her own,she doesn't mind as much if I go too,but of course that gives her an oportunity to have a go at me again which is what I'm trying to avoid. Plus,I've got better things to do!!
We asked them to have the boys for an hour or so over Christmas,she didn't say no,but came up with loads of reasons why it was inconvenient. She makes us feel so bad for even asking,it's just not worth the hassle. We have got used to having to take the kids everywhere with us.
She thinks looking after her grandchildren is a bit much for us to ask, so a definate no,no.

How did it go Jac ??

You won't like this, but it sounds to me like she loves you a lot but doesn't know how to show it.

Also a bit lonely.

I feel a bit sorry for her.