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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

what am i doing? is this a terrible idea?

24 replies

shouldknowbetter · 25/11/2011 15:56

please be kind..
I've been in a new professional job for a few months and have really hit it off with a man at work. We share a similar humour and outlook on life. A while back we had to attend a day away and i had a lovely time in his company and it was an easy day, given he's not someone I've known for long. After the meeting we did a bit of sightseeing etc before we got the train to travel home.
Since then I suppose we've been emailing each other at work quite a lot. Nothing salacious. In the last couple of weeks that's increased quite a bit. We don't go for lunch or coffee, but we have to go away again next week and are planning what to do after our meeting before travelling home. There's no compelling reason for him to come this time.
The thing is, he's my manager.
I'm quite confused as to whether or not this is leading to something or whether this is just a friendship thing. I'm guessing people don't normaly email / receive emails from their manager non-work related like this? We're both single and i suppose if I'm honest I find him attractive. Not sure if its mutual though or wise to pursue it.

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RumourOfAHurricane · 25/11/2011 15:59

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shouldknowbetter · 25/11/2011 16:01

not be best virtue. I suppose I'm wondering why we've not made it to a coffee yet..

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Catslikehats · 25/11/2011 16:02

Agree with shiney

Go for it Grin

RumourOfAHurricane · 25/11/2011 16:04

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VioletNotViolent · 25/11/2011 16:04

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RumourOfAHurricane · 25/11/2011 16:05

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RumourOfAHurricane · 25/11/2011 16:05

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shouldknowbetter · 25/11/2011 16:07

i sort of have, in a relaxed, not quite that direct way. He continues to email and has said he'llt ake me for a coffee one day soon, but it hasn't happened. Yet he's emailing more often.
The dilemma for me is the manager thing.

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shouldknowbetter · 25/11/2011 16:08

the size of my chest not sure he'll notice! thanks for the suggestion -i'll bear it in mind!!!!!

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fuzzynavel · 25/11/2011 16:16

I'd just leave it as it is to be honest.

He could be just "checking out the newcomer" to see if he would be in with a chance (possibly the office lothario).

Being new, how are you certain there isn't a Mrs Lothario.

How old is he, how old are you?

I smell a rat but it could be me being an old cynic.

Glowbuggy · 25/11/2011 16:31

I went out with my manager and now our little boy is a couple of months old. Also my mum was my dads secretary. Go for it ;)

Blu · 25/11/2011 16:35

Does your employer have a company policy about workplace relationships?

If so - do a risk assessment on whather you can afford to lose your job, and under circumstances like dismissed for contraveining a company policy.

shouldknowbetter · 25/11/2011 16:47

about 6 yrs apart. i'm younger.

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VioletNotViolent · 25/11/2011 17:28

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nursenic · 25/11/2011 17:30

I married my manager. He was my nursing mentor when I met him too! Made it all the more interesting...Wink

nursenic · 25/11/2011 17:31

We were both consenting mature adults. No manipulation, extortion or risk of job loss. We just had to exert a little control during the work day.

shouldknowbetter · 25/11/2011 17:43

well given we are both appropraite ages - its not as if he's 20 yrs older and i'm a student - and we behave appropriately and professionally and manaessional supervision despite our emailing habit, i'm not sure about him abusinghis position. obviously not the most managerial behaviour.
it's been a while for me and i'm feeling a bit teenage. i have a crush and i'm just thinking, does he like me - in the same way? sorry. v. tedious and teenage i know.

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nursenic · 25/11/2011 18:52

Not necessarily teenage, shouldknowbetter-

If it ends up with you falling in love then......I know I sound naively romantic but it worked out so beautifully for us.

And a mutual 'crush'....as long as you both do your work in the manner that the company expects then it has no right to specify what your heart does...or any other bits..Wink

nursenic · 25/11/2011 18:54

And doesn't it make the start of the day so much better....bet you spend ages deciding what to wear....I did...Blush

shouldknowbetter · 25/11/2011 18:58

absoutely nursenic! I'm take forever to decide what to wear these days. Of course I get on with my work but it has certainly improved things day to day. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be emailing me like this if the attraction wasn't mutual, but its been a while so I've lost a bit of confidence recognising these things!

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VioletNotViolent · 25/11/2011 19:32

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shouldknowbetter · 25/11/2011 19:43

oh. been so preoccupied with the wondering if he feels the same way that i hadn't considered all these things really. oops.

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nursenic · 25/11/2011 19:47

VioletNotViolent

Yes, I do agree with what you caution. I am assuming that the OP is not restricted by these issues. But would urge caution if so.

My Mental Health Trust has loads of couples. They delegate discipline and also clinical, management and peer supervision 'out' of any personal relationships.

One time when it did impact- on an acute locked forensic ward I once worked on, the ward manager was married to a young nurse. Although there was never enough infra red personal alarms to go round, he always made sure she had one to wear.

nursenic · 25/11/2011 19:48

ShouldKnow

Do not take my advice then until you have checked these things out. Listen to Violet.

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