How do you manage when your OH works away?

[lizardqueenie]

DH is off away with work for 2 weeks (sob) next week. We have a 1 year old DD & I'm wondering how I am going to manage. Those of you who have DH's/DpS who are away for longer periods of time and lone parents I take my hat off to you.

Lucky that I have family very close but just looking for any advice on how to manage for those of you who've done it before or do it regularly. My tummy actually hurts at the thought of him going because I know we'll miss him loads. And it's the run up to Christmas.
Ta for any practical ideas/ advice.

Hi..my dp also works away..it's usually two weeks at a time then back for a few weeks then off again etc...3 dc and the youngest is 1 year.. Yes it is hard because I miss dp like crazy as do dc but you can be assured your dp is missing you guys just as much.
Mine's been away for ten days now and another week to go and it's awful being apart but I'm using the run up to crimbo to fill my time. Lots of pressies to buy with 3 kids, meals and menus to plan and buy for as we are having my family on Christmas eve, his on boxing day..I'm also getting the kids to make things..just generally fill your time as much as possible and I promise you the 2 weeks will fly by.
It helps if they call and text a lot..my dp calls around 3 times a day..I especially look forward to his long call at night when the kids are in bed and we can chat uninterrupted for an hour or so and get a bit soppy (cheesy grin)..
oh and treat yourself too..wine (unless you're bfing like me) choccies, ice cream..whatever you like lol..but my best advice is to fill your day as much as possible. You'll find it's the nights you miss him most but if he calls like mine does then it's not so bad.
Seven days and counting til mine comes home then it's honeymoon period all over again ;)

2 weeks is a short period of absence, it really goes quick. I go through that about once very 6 weeks.

My husband is away for over 6 months at a time, mostly and that can include Christmas birthdays, et al. I have 4 children under 8, 2 disabled. You just cope.

lots of skyping works a treat - if you have family close by and just one child you will be fine!

I am on my own every week Monday to Friday and have been for nine years. I might not be much help because generally I like it. I have no family near but have good babysitters ( who I have to pay) and enjoy doing things my way and getting time to myself. We then try to make sure we have a good time at the weekends when we are all together. I think you need to be organised so you get to relax in the evening when your chikdren are in bed and just grit yourbteeth to get through the times that are harder work. Atbleast though be thankful that there is no one to annoy by not helping enough or not doing things your way!

I spent six months alone when OH did a residential course - I had one newborn and one toddler and not much in the way of family support

to be honest I just got on with it. We had a routine that we stuck to and that was that. You can overthink it in your mind when you think oh i wont cope, how will i cope, etc and all that happens is you get yourself into a tizz.

Just get up every day and do what you do when your OH is there. Its not that hard.

It is hard when you're not used to it, though.
DP is currently away for 6 weeks - happens once a year - and now the children are older it's far easier.
I do remember the pit-of-my-stomach fear about a long absence when I had babies though...I feared becoming an old lady who never saw another adult for days......
I suggest having something planned, even vaguely, for each day; meeting friends, toddler group etc, and try especially to find something to do at the weekend, I always felt I was 'imposing' on other people's family time then.
And take advantage of the evenings to get the christmas cards written /eat something you love and he hates, have a friend over for a pizza....
Hope you have an OK time x

Yeah for me filling my time is the key. I try and plan something interesting to do each day besides the normal day to day running of the house (I'm sahm) and that way I always have something interesting to tell dp when he calls instead of just 'did the washing' or 'tidied the attic' lol!
He started working away on a regular basis about 10 months ago..the first time he went I was like aaargghh I don't like this lol but now I've kinda got into a routine when he's away of - going into town for a coffee this day, tots that day, visit parents another day, shopping another..and getting lots of jobs around the house done too! But I honestly miss him like crazy and I reckon that's par for the course. Ideally he wouldn't be working away but it has excellent promotion prospects and that's what he's working towards so it's all for the greater good.
Plan some stuff and before you know it he'll be home.

Thanks to all of you for lots of your ideas and advice and I obviously understand that 2 weeks is nowt in the great scheme of things or compared to those of you who are on your own regularly and/ or with lots of dc's. I guess in someways it does help that it is the run up to Christmas and therefore its a good opportunity to really busy myself with lots of things rather than think, hmm what to do this evening, hmm, another load of washing!

He's usually out in the day anyway but when he went away before, only for a couple of evenings, I felt a bit lost in the evening, I think it revives you a bit someone coming through the door, telling you about their day, having dinner together.

pip great tips about the skype, we have already been seeing how DD gets on with saying hello to daddy on skype and she was playing beebo the other day with him so I think thats a winner. Not long how until your honeymoon again! :o

Thought of having a couple of girlfriends over for a catch up and have started to plan some activities for DD & me during the day.

My husband is away mon-fri a lot and I struggle (hence coming on the thread for ideas!). I am unbelievably envious of people who get to have dinner with their husband there as a family (not that common I know) or who have a partner that can help put the child to bed. I'm exhausted by about 4!

But then we also don't have family close by either so life really is a bit tough. being bitter about it won't help me .... so any ideas also welcome!

My SO works away on a 4 week rotation, I love it!! It's just me and the wee one (4), and we manage just fine.

I think I've got the best of both worlds, I don't want him to be home full time now. He's happy with it too mind, he has better quality time with the wee one than most. We're used to it, he was in the RAF before thus job and went away for months. Not a problem.

Should add, I'm very happy with my own company, I like evenings in my own and the bed to myself. It's lovely when he comes home because by the end of 4 weeks I am missing him, but ready for him to bugger off again after 4 at home.

When my DH first strated working away I thought I'd never manage without him - he is very hands on, does a lot round the house and with the DC's and I was filled with dread.

The reality is I actually find it much easier when DH is not about in so far as I have no expectation of his help.

When he is here and the DC's are being particularly hard work then I find myself counting down the hours until he is home, wishing he could leave work a bit earlier, put the kids to bed and give me a break.

When he is away I just get on with it, because if I don't he wont be home later to pick up the slack.

I must be horrible I like it when dp works away, no mess to clear up after him, no moaning etc, we FaceTime or Skype and he thinks it's great to see the kids as before you could video call he hated not seeing them.

I'm a childminder and we have 2 dc (and no family support) the youngest being 1 nearly 2 and he doesn't really help with them anyway as he's usually at work til late so its no different to him being at home.

Like rational I also like my own company. Additionally I find I am far more productive when he is not around, the evenings tend to be spent doing something particular rather than just relaxing together (which of course is also nice, but different)

I'm like QueenOfDenial in that in some ways I find it easier when DH is away. You just get on with things and there isn't any waiting around for help. I find it is easier to get into a good routine with the DC's as I don't have anyone else to fit into the routine as well. No just getting the DC's ready for bed when DH gets home and hypes them up. No thinking has he given the baby medicine or have I - I just do it.

The evenings are quiet, but because the DC's actually go to bed more easily, I have more time to get things done. Also, I eat with the DC's early so don't have to wait for DH to get home for food.

Don't get me wrong, I love having DH around and I would find being a single parent very hard, but I don't hate it when he is away. In fact, the week he gets back is often harder as the DC's are so excited all the time to have him back and I relax too much so everything goes to pot!

I also have the case where my SO hasn't seen the wee one for a month at a time so he can tend to spoil her during his time home, he can't face telling her off. She can be a bit of a brat at times when he's home yet is a wee darling, mostly, when it's just the two of us.

My dh has worked away on and off for 13 years, different jobs different rotations and you do get used to it, my 3 dc are used to it because it has always been that way since they were born. 8 years ago we moved away from my family but I have a great circle of friends that help me pass the time.
Dh is great with the kids when he is home and skype has been a godsend. We haven't seen him since September so we are now counting down the weeks (instead of the months) for his return in time for christmas.
You will be amazed by how well you will manage and adjust to him not being there but the best part is the excitement of when it's time for him to return home

Thanks for your further advice everyone, a lot if you are saying similar things which are about being organised, finding a routine & enjoying your own company. There are a few "sorting things out" jobs that need to be done indoors which I might set my mind to whilst he is away. I do know what you mean about having certain expectations when they are around- like probably a bit more help but when they aren't there you do just have to get on with it and that does make things more simple in some ways. certainly the "what shall We have for dinner debate" is considerably reduced!

I think one of the things I find hard is that I never really get to go out during the evenings. I can't go to a friend's book group or a mums-from-mums-and-tods night out, or just go out for a meal with a friend, or an exercise class.... not that I would do all those things every night but the sheer not being able to ever I find hard. All my time is spent with my child or at home on my own!!

Been forced into situation recently that my partner has had to take work 100 miles away and is gone mon-fri every week because the social kindly cut all our benefits off at short notice and with bills to pay we had no choice. I am unable to work as im pregnant and it does get extremely lonely and sometimes we row as the stress gets too much im a bit tearful anyway being pregnant but we also have no family close by and any friends i have live over an hr away. I am very resentful of the nasty sods that put us in this situation and without sounding too bitter i hope they choke on their evening meal together lol

Not that anyone asked, but just to chip in re: how your little ones respond.

Between the ages of 4-8, my dad worked away a fair bit, and I just want to tell you, I missed him, but I totally understood, even back then, I got it. He was doing it for us, and he hated it. We turned out fine. Been out drinking gin with him tonight :)

aww that sucks gayn74...at least my dp chose this job. I will admit when we first discussed him going for a job that meant him working away a lot I was a bit wtf as I was pregnant with my 3rd but when I realised it was a means to an end (promotion) and how important it was to him then obviously I backed him up. Thing is we just fond out he'll only be home a couple of days then has to go away until christmas week which really sucks as there were things we had planned :(
My dad worked away a lot when I was growing up and I watched my mum juggle with finances and missing him and young kids and I kinda decided I didn't want that for myself but here I am lol My mum was a coper and it seems I've inherited that from her. Ta mum