Advice for my daughter?

[AyeAvast]

Sorry, this will probably seem a bit trivial in comparison to some of the posts on here, but I'm just hoping to find some good advice to give to my daughter.
She's in her first year at university, and seems to be really enjoying it (has made some great friends, likes the course etc). However I know she's been having a few issues with a guy she's met there and I know it's getting her down quite a bit. Basically, she says they seemd to get on really well for most of the term, having a laugh with, teasing each other etc. She really liked him, but didn't know whether the feeling was mutual, and as she's really shy, didn't want to ask. But she says he;'d make an effort to speak to her, and they would (her words) "kind of flirt with each other". So they obviously got on as friends anway.
Now she says he practically ignores her when they see each other, and will barely speak to her if she speaks to him. She says nothing happened, one day they were fine with each other, the next he's blanking her. She feels a bit out of her depth at uni in that she's from a very working class, comprehensive school background, whereas the vast majority of the other students seem to be the opposite. She has also suffered from OCD in the past (compulsive thoughts as opposed to actions), and I'm really worried that this will have knocked her confidence enough to bring back these problems (she's also been very stressed about not feeling clever enough to be at the uni, saying things like "I don't know why they gave me an offer if I can't cope with the course" etc)
I know (and she knows) that this sounds incredibly petty, but I just feel so bad because she really likes him, and thought he may have felt the same, but now she's been left wondering what's gone wrong.
Sorry this is so long, any help will be much appreciated :)

I think he simply sounds immature. She needs a wide circle of friends - not a boyfriend at this early stage.

How wonderful she talks to you in such good detail.....just keep being the great mother you are: listen and sympathise...

This is classic immature person (I won't say bloke because some girls do it too!) behaviour, I think most of us will have experienced this at some point! It's even worse when you sleep with them and then this sort of thing happens..

I think the best thing to tell her to do is move her affections somewhere else and concentrate on having fun with her mates.. this is all part of life I'm afraid (obviously doens't make it any easier for her!).

Tell your daughter that this is not actually about her. It is him. Whatever has stopped him talking and flirting with your daughter is nothing to do with her. It is his issue. Sadly she is left feeling pretty hurt and confused.

It could be many different reasons why he's suddenly stopped. P

Perhaps he likes to get the girls to fancy him and he enjoys the flirt/the chase but not interested once he knows they fancy him?

Perhaps he has met someone else he fancies and decided to stop talking to your daughter?

Perhaps he is just an immature git and your daughter has had a lucky escape?

She cannot change this. I would tell her to draw a line under it, go and concentrate on the studies and the other friends around. It's a blip but it shouldn't be one to make her lose her confidence. She might think that all the other students are all happy, confident and having a blast - but there will be others who haven't settled in yet and feeling wobbly too.

It takes time. In fact the 1st yr at Uni is quite hard, there's alot to take in. Tell her to take her time. It was in the Summer term of the year 1 that I began to find my feet. And my 2nd year was utterly amazing.

Thankyou very much for the wonderful advice; I have passed it on (I tried saying the same but I doubt I had much impact! :o )
I think apart from being upset about the whole relationship angle, she really liked him as a friend, so I think she's a bit gutted about that as she doesn't want it to be awkward.
Teenagers, eh?
Thanks again :)

Hopefully she will remember this as one of her first lessons in (love) life, you can never second guess what someone else is thinking. I would be telling her if she were mine, to remember all these lessons, one by one, and learn them well. She has to know the difference between a genuine person, and an immature 'player'. She will meet lots. She probably judges people by her own sound standards, but one of life's big lessons is that not everyone has the same 'decency' compass, and a lot of young men (and some women) blow hot and cold. Tell her to put the experience to good use for the future. Tell her to have fun, and not take things too seriously, there is much to be done before she loses sleep over a 'shallow' friend. Now is about having fun and making uni work for her.....

he probably did quite like her but then he might have snogged some other girl or met somebody he really liked... in my experience at uni things either slow burn (ie. they'll stay friends but not 'get together' till their third year) or they happen instantly in the first night of meeting.

The thing is, she liked him as a friend when she thought she knew what he was like. Now she knows he wasn't like that, not deep down, so she doesn't have to like him any more.

As far as the class thing is concerned, I think the others, who had every privilege, are probably looking at her, knowing she did it all on her own, without the small classes, the private tuition, etc, and are thinking, "Shit, she must be REALLY clever to have done that. I know I couldn't have done it on my own."

There are other things she should remember - most people do pretty badly in their first essays as they have to learn that university tutors want a different sort of essay off them than they wrote at school. Also, if they gave everyone really high grades at first, they couldn't show progression. What the tutors want to see is that you have learned from your experience at university and that you bear in mind what they say and apply it. If they handed out 90%s to everyone, that couldn't happen.

I hope she tries to meet many more people and doesn't give this boy any more time than he's worth.