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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is there anything I can do to help my friend?

1 reply

PrunellaFromageDeQuiche · 25/11/2011 12:04

Hello, my friend has been on dating sites for years. She has no problem attracting men and getting dates. However, these relationships often don't continue for longer than a couple of months. The men she meets gradually contact her less and less and then stop altogether and they (sometimes) tell her the relationship is over.

She doesn't like phoning people so texts constantly, she'll message me continuously throughout the day and i believe is also like this with the men she dates. If they don't reply she panics and decides they aren't interested anymore, She give the reason for this as, she's fat,ugly, ill (she has a lifelong illness,only contracted in the past few years)and doesn't deserve to be happy. She believes men hate her and she often talks about her life being worthless and that she'll die alone.

She's a lovely person, she's great fun and a good friend when you're actually with her, but comes across as very needy in texts..

Anyway, the problem is not that I need help finding her a date, its that I need to help her calm down and stop her hating herself so much. I have tried getting her to see a doctor as I think she is perhaps depressed (from recent texts where she says there's no point being alive, she fat,boring etc), and that she needs to accept her illness and try to enjoy her life as it is now rather than missing the life she had.
She refuses to see a dr, refuses to consider she may need antidepressents, believes all men are 'scum and liars' yet still persues a relationship with one Confused

I have no idea what to do now, it's getting to the point where I dread getting a text but don't want to ignore her.

Am I going to have to do some tough love on her?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 25/11/2011 13:31

Am I going to have to do some tough love on her?

Yep.

A friendship like this is draining. I can only imagine that having a relationship with this woman is even worse and it is unsurprising that the blokes are running a mile after being subjected to it as well.

I honestly do no know what to advise though, because it really doesnt seem like she is going to listen to you. I dont think AD's are the answer, but I do think she might benefit greatly from counselling to get to the root of her lack of self esteem and confidence. She doesnt need to accept it, but she does need to do something about it.

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