this is a bad sign, isn't it?

[meredeux]

DH has been working away but he comes home for good tomorrow. He doesn't have a job from Monday so for the first time ever, we'll be on benefits. I am dreading that, and I think most people would that that was understandable.

But, if I am honest I am also dreading having him home with me all day every day. We had a business together once and I felt like couldn't move without being watched/ couldn't speak to anyone without being overheard/ couldn't choose a TV programme without being judged. He's a nice person, he truly is, but you can have too much of a good thing.

I won't be able to talk to my family or friends without risk of an argument if he thinks I've said something I shouldn't have about our situation. My mum is difficult, so he's going to make me feel even worse every time I speak to her.

He'll be able to see over my shoulder if I am on Mumsnet (so goodbye Mumsnet forever).

We'll be poor so I won't even be able to afford to get out the house and meet friends for lunch etc to get a break.

On the other hand, the children will be thrilled to have him home again. he's been coming home at weekends but they have missed him badly.

I didn't write this in AIBU, but I am being unreasonable, aren't I?

BTW The reason i am writing this here is I am hoping by saying it out loud, I'll get rid of the feeling. I can't say this to anyone in real life because obviously they all know him.

pengymum -DH used to bathe them and he put them in the bath together ever since the younger one could sit up. In his view, its easier this way. DH believes that our eldest is just making a fuss for nothing when he doesn't want to do it any more (so therefore DH insists). (This has come up recently at a weekend when DH was home).

Now that's a very telling example there meredeux - he considers his way is better. I have a friend like that, we went there for dinner recently and it was a nightmare as her husband bossed everyone about at the dinner table, his way was clearly the ONLY way and anyone that disagreed was making a fuss about nothing and subverting his rules. No amicable resolution of a minor disagreement as normally happens between normal people. Why is it some men get like this? Don't they see the pain they cause? There is an age where children don't bathe together any more. It's a normal human development. I suggest he bathes with them too to save water and see what a fuss he makes about it then.

Sorry to rant!

O, how annoying, you getting a job is at the top of his list for you to do!

Is there anything else you could do to get out of the house? Helping out at school for instance? or even a charity shop? Obviously, a job would be best (for the money) and is your aim, but as that probably won't happen instantly, and it's on his list maybe something voluntary but that you've made a commitment to, so you have to say to DH, "sorry can't stop to read your important list of things for me to do, as have got to go and feed old dears..." (or whatever)

hopefully he, and maybe you?, will be too busy jobhunting to worry about how the other is wasting their time :)

yes that's it! Volunteer (or get an internship, as it is currently termed) - this will be good experience with the aim of getting back into the world of paid work - and you may get a paid job out of it too, as well as getting you out of the house! Will be a legitimate reason and he can't object to it really!

Why would someone insist on children bathing together if one of them can bathe himself? Surely this is what parents are aiming for? Teaching children to fend for themselves? Bathe the youngest and put to bed while the older one sorts himself out - simples!