Making and keeping friends

[meandmypickle]

I wasn't sure which topic to put this under. basically i'm really wanting some more friends. I have a ds in yr 1 and so meet alot of mums every day. However they all seem to know what to say to eachother and alot have formed their own little cliques. how do i make a few (don't need loads) good friendships? anu advice happily received :)

You invite them to your house for a coffee, either one at a time or en masse.

Or you could invite one of their kids over for tea, and then when they come to pick them up, offer them a drink.

I used to move around a lot and would shamelessly invite everyone and her dog until I figured out which of them were keepers.

12 yrs after the last move, I still keep in touch with quite a few of them, we go for occasional pissups or they'll come round for lunch.

You just have to smile, be friendly etc.

Hi meandmypickle....I know exactly what you mean. My DS is 16 months & I have been feeling the same. Have you tried making conversation with the other mums or a mum stood alone? If your LO has a play-date you could invite the mum for coffee too? May be get involved with pRA etc & see if friendships blossom.

Thanks :) Yes i do all that, in particular inviting the friends over and offering a drink. We chat, etc but they just go back to their clique. I've started to worry i put people off somehow :( > Just started chatting to someone who tuens out to live very close to me and am already worried she'll get "fed up" with me... I nvited her for coffee and she came with her little one and we're having another playdate soon - all my suggestion though. Help!!

Sounds like you're doing fine, Pickle. Just keep doing it with a broad range of people and you'll probably find that you're then in the loop for when social things are going on. Often the people to get invited are the ones you see regularly and are kind of visible.

Don't rely just on school gate mums, though, join something else. I'm in a choir, a gym, a book group etc so have a wide range of acquaintances, and a handful of really good friends.

I agree completely with mum....joining clubs etc is a great way of meeting a mixture of people. Just keep doing what you are pickle....you will soon feel apart of it all.

mumblechum1

Hi, I know how you feel. I tried lots of things to make new friends after we moved into a new area - organised parties, play dates etc - but nothing seems to materialise after the party / play date has ended. It just feels as if everyone has a network of friends already and isn't that bothered about making new ones.

Suebfg - that's exactly how it feels. People will come over, kid come over, etc but then just go back to their established group...It's worse than being in the playground

It's disheartening when all you want to do is build & maintain friendships when the whole time it feels like a challenge. I only have 4 friends with children who I meet regularly. I have different friendships with each of them & value them all. But I too wish I could meet more friends.

Yes, it just seems like most of the other have either know eachother for ages already, or have just gorown close since kids starting school. i'm worried i'm somehow putting peope off but if i am i'm not sure how?! At the school gate, i'm not someone who instantly talks to those i don't know or in particular who already seem part of a clique (which is alot of them!)

I'm hoping it may change as DS gets a little older and makes a few close friends. As he's still young, he is 'friends' with everybody - he has no particularly close friends to invite round for tea etc.

Hopefully although my ds is 5 and its certainly no better :(