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Relationships

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Original poster

So how many times should i meet new man before inviting round with ds in bed?

18 replies

Deeelightful · 23/11/2011 20:54

I think its a bit weird. But as a lp with babysitters few and far between ( been out twice in 8 months) I dont think i'll ever be able to get close to someone without inviting them around whilst ds is in bed. I went out on sat and...ahem..took someone home(dont judge me) but we've been texting and would like to meet again so i'm wondering how many more babysitters i would need before it gets easier!

What do you think?

Thanks in advance!

OP posts:

RumourOfAHurricane · 23/11/2011 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

buzzswellington · 23/11/2011 21:13

I'd probably have a bloke over after bedtime (child's ) - meal, wine and dvd and wahey - and "night night, bye, see you tomorrow, fella me lad" up until it was serious between us.

buzzswellington · 23/11/2011 21:17

By which I mean, I'd probably have someone over, but I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with him staying the whole night, and definitely not meeting dc until sure it was going somewhere, at leats 6 month mark.

ImperialBlether · 23/11/2011 21:19

How old is your son and does he always, always sleep through the night?

What would really worry me is if he came into the bedroom suddenly and saw your new man there, when he doesn't even know that the guy exists. I think that would be pretty scary.

There's no reason, though, why you can't have friends round in the evening.

Original poster

Deeelightful · 23/11/2011 21:20

Thank you, I dont have any intentions of the two meeting, i just think its so much easier for him to come round mine so then i dont have to arrange a sitter. But to me thats inviting a stranger round and putting ds at risk(ok OTT but you get my drift, he's 2 and PFB) lol so i'm trying to get a few opinions so i can figure out if i'm being a pleb!

OP posts:

buzzswellington · 23/11/2011 21:22

I was thinking more of sofa shagging .

buzzswellington · 23/11/2011 21:23

Not shagging sofas, of curse. That would be wrong. And possibly painful.

BelleRomford74 · 23/11/2011 21:27

Have been in same position as you & I think it is perfectly acceptable to do this otherwise it is very differcult to get quality time with a new partner if you are short of sitters. .... My only worry as my dd got older was if she woke up & came into living room if I did'nt want her to meet him just yet or she would know something was going on if I was a bit done up, house was sparkling & I was'nt in my P.J's but she is a nosey, clued up 9 year old!!! So if I date in the future he will only be invited round when she is here if I am ok with them meeting.

Original poster

Deeelightful · 23/11/2011 21:44

Ha ha Belle, ds has just turned 2 so he's def not that clued up yet! And thankfully a good sleeper too.

My issue is i've only met the guy once so i'm reluctant to invite him round when ds is in bed..how many times should i be scrounging babysitters before its ok to just have him round?

OP posts:

HairyGrotter · 23/11/2011 23:01

Go with whatever feels comfortable to you. There are no set of rules or timescales, it's what works for the individuals involved.

If you're not yet comfortable, then go on a few more dates to see how you get on, then take the next step in inviting them round for an evening, then when you feel it's going somewhere, go from there in terms of meeting and staying over etc.

No rules, no timescales!

lemonstartree · 23/11/2011 23:07

I think i invited my now DP round for dinner after we had met about 3 times... when the kids were asleep; was quite exciting!

squeakytoy · 23/11/2011 23:10

I think it also depends on how long since you split with your childs father as to how long before they meet a new "friend".

You wouldnt think twice about having a female friend round in the evening would you? So why worry about a male friend coming round.

As said above, so long as they arent staying the night and there in the bed in the morning when your child gets up, there is no reason why anyone should wait until they have been together for a length of time.

If your child comes down and you are watching tv (ie... make sure if you are up to something on the sofa that something is blocking the door!).. a toddler is not going to differentiate between a friend and a boyfriend...

SeriousWispaHabit · 23/11/2011 23:20

Put a stairgate at the top of the stairs? If you stay downstairsthen they would never meet but you would hear your da if he came to the top of the stairs and shouted.

HoudiniHissy · 24/11/2011 00:05

HoudiniHissy · 24/11/2011 00:07

OP, you only met him once?

For your own safety, don't invite him to your home until YOU know him better. Give it a few more weeks/couple of months with baby sitters and then see what's what.

Original poster

Deeelightful · 24/11/2011 07:54

Hello again everyone, thank you for replying!

Yes i've only met him once..my one night stand from last weekend We've been talking since and want to get together again but i'm not very lucky when it comes to finding sitters so will have to wait months inbetween dates, hence my question.

Squeaky, me and ds' father split before we found out i was pregnant and he isnt about so theres no issues there, but I still wouldnt let them meet..

And a stairgate sounds like a good idea!

So is it just until i'm happy with inviting him round? How many dates would you all go on before inviting a stranger round with your dc there?

OP posts:

struwelpeter · 24/11/2011 12:09

Speaking from good and bad experience ... I guess it's a pain looking for a babysitter, but perhaps you should try a mixture? It will be hard to suss him out unless you do go out together and do social stuff. Look on gumtree for a babysitter and perhaps work out a regular night for you both to go out? You can always bring him back for a bit as well, or then you'd get two nights with him - one horizontal, one vertical iyswim

whosetoes · 24/11/2011 12:34

I waited until I'd been dating six months before having DP over when DS was there. But I did have family available to babysit, plus DS was school age so sometimes DP would arrange to work flexibly so we could spend time during school hours. After about three months he offered to pay for a babysitter so we could go out in the evening.

I definitely wouldn't invite someone over to my home after just one date/ONS - I wouldn't do that anyway even without a child to think of. Are you able to offer a joint babysitting arrangement with another LP? Or are you able to use any nursery/playgroup facilities during the day (Surestart do some free sessions here), and spend time with this man then? I think it's quite a useful test of a man's intentions to see if he'll make the effort to make things easier for you, by either arranging days off to see you when it's easier for you to get childcare, or offering to pay/split babysitter costs.

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