I'm feeling lonely. I know I did the right thing. But sometimes I just want to stop life for a bit and collapse.

[YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch]

I have three dcs. I work full time. I left xh finally in August after years of trying to make things work.

I know I've done the right thing. But I'm just so very tired of being strong all the time. It seems like everything requires effort and some form of fight. Work, money, dcs, ex-h, everything.

And of late I feel like I'm reaching my limits. The house I'm renting is always a tip, I leave the house at seven every morning, I'm home at 5.30, by the time we're all fed and the dcs are in bed I just want to collapse.

I have no holidays to take until march, other than a couple of days off at Christmas, I don't have a permanent contract and so getting signed off isn't an option. But I desperately need a break.

Any tips on keeping going? I know this is in Relationships, but I guess I'm classifying it as "how to cope shortly after leaving one and keep on doing it all".

My mantra has become "just keep putting one foot in front of the other". Which is all I know how to do.

X does see the dcs but I have no family nearby and the only reason we were here was for h's job. But I can't take the dcs away from him. His job is very specialised and he couldn't easily find work elsewhere. I'm trying to be fair.

Right, I think that's it. So mumsnet, who I have not had time for for a long time, but who has helped me so much over the years; any advice will be gratefully received.

TIA

Those feelings are so normal though.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that no one (who has been there) says it's easy - because it clearly isn't. It's hard graft raising kids, keeping the house going, being on your own...It's HARD and tiring and soul destroying...

It's also a billion times better than walking on eggshells and putting every single part of yourself into caring for someone who can't, or won't, HELP you or themselves.

You're NOT hopeless - there is always hope, and the rest? It's just getting a routine sorted and a change of mind set and you'll be reet.

Honestly.

hang in there crunchie

your life hasn't ended....just the shit part of it is behind you

that can takes ages to adjust to, even when you intllectually know you have done the right thing

Then reet I will be :o

I have had many comments on how I'm a different person now; happier and more me. So I know I'm in here somewhere!

A routine is what I need. A plan of action. There's just been so much crap going on at work that by the time I get home the last thing I want to do is anything more than the bare essentials. Unfortunately this is now catching up with me!

Where are you crunch? I'd happily come and help get the house sorted (been in your shoes too) - doing someone else's house would be much less of a chore than doing my own am sure Am in the Midlands if thats any help?

Yes, it is relentless....

Good for you for getting out of a relationship that no longer works for you!

Small steps, give yourself a break, make your bedroom into your appartment was one of the best ones I heard. (Single mum for 20 years, me).

Don't be everything to everyone else.... (I'm still learning LOL).

Be kind to yourself, if you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anyone else either. Doing that is also the best way to show your kids too. (for their future).

All the best!

Ah folly, now that's an offer! :o

North East I'm afraid, or I'd be dragging you round this minute :)

I am 16 months down the road from you. I could have written your post this time last year. My ex does not have the kids overnight ever (I'm ok with that as he is abusive to them, but it has made it HARD)

Slowly slowly slowly things have improved. I'm still knackered, but the kids do (a bit) more, I have a cleaner who is bloody wonderful, and with HIM out of my life the future is bright.

I do have a wonderful new partner, who has helped me immeasurably with instilling some order into the chaos. 12 months ago I could not have imagined how much better EVERYTHING would look...

it WILL get better...

Thanks sub, I'll try that bedroom one.

And yes, the relationship worked very well for one of us, but sadly that wasn't me.

Xpost lemon :)

That's good to hear. I'm really warming to the cleaner idea. Even if it just works by making me clean for the shame of it :o

I was you 3 yrs ago. On my own with 2 DC, had to find a job to support us no family or friends nearby and just overwhealmed with it all.

Be kind to yourself. It is early days. Set yourself small things to sort out each day and get your kids to help. The big stuff can wait until you regain your energy

I sat my boys down and told them that as we were a family we all had to muck in together. They really stepped up. now if i say can someone lay the table / stack the dishwasher/walk the dogs they get up and pitch in.

It will get better. 3 yrs on i have a job I like, 2 lovely young men here with me and a new man who is just wonderful. I can see myself happy in my old age, which i never could with my ex. sometimes you have to go through the crap to find something better

Elasta, it's really good to hear that this isn't permanent! I guess my worry has been a lack of a light at the end of the tunnel.

Maybe I was just losing hope. And that's what I need.

Very true. You know, the more I think about it the more I can see that before I left h they did help more!

Routine is the byword of the day!

Aw Crunchie, sorry to hear you are finding it tough.

There is a certain relentlessness about being a single mum. The buck stops with you & no one else. I think once you accept that this is the way life is & then set about making it work as best it can for you, it really helps. I have become ruthlessly, terrifyingly organised - not for everyone, but works for me.

I think it might make you feel better if you got the house sorted. If you feel you are not living in a tip, you'll feel happier being at home. Tell the DCs that you need their help & set them some tasks this weekend. Have a mega sort out, tidy up & organise & then all have fish & chips & watch X-factor together. Or something that you would all enjoy.

Does your X have the DCs regularly? My ex-H has the DCs every second weekend over a Saturday night & that helps, because I know I've got 24 hrs of catch up time once every two weeks. Sometimes I'm really sociable but othertimes, I just catch up with myself.

Hey bugs, organised is the way I need to go. Just need some motivation. But I'll get there. It's relentless at times. But they'll pass. Or so I hope! :)

Had a lovely evening with friend, have had a glass or two of wine (very nice). I'm beginning to think I simply need a new job!

is that a possibility, crunchie ?

Glad you had a good evening with a friend. It is important to find little bits of time to do things for yourself. Sometimes, even if you think you are knackered, it is better to make the effort & have someone over - if that makes sense!!!
Job change may be a good idea, but remember interviews etc are stressful. Definitely something to think about - but maybe get Christmas out of the way first?
I always feel like I am walking a knife edge. I can balance just fine until something goes wrong. If it is just one thing, then I wobble, but I can usually stay upright, but if I start accumulating problems, then the knife edge is a painful place to be. Doesn't even have to be big things, something as relatively trivial as the car breaking down & having to help at evening functions at work will throw me!!!! So, I am constantly risk managing - hence the slightly OCD organising.
Big hugs Crunchie. I was off here for a few years, but it is good to be back. I hope everything works out for you too.