my toxic mother is on her way up

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow]

yippee (not)

hold my hand please today and and tomorrow - i'll be back soon but first i've got to clean up, obviously

she'll still make a snidey comment about the mess though or about whichever room i haven't done

Have a (it's probably a bit early for ), and know that mumsnet is here if you need to vent, later on.

Cast your eye round, say "Yup, it is a bit of a mess, isn't it?" And then lean back with a peaceful comfortable look.

(We all know things will never be 'good enough' for her.)

"Oh, I know, mother. I really can not, in good conscience, have you put up with being in a place that you find so degrading to you. I insist that you now go and find an environment that you are able to tolerate. ( So you can have something enjoyable about your holiday). "

Like almostgrownup, I have been known to say, "Yes, we actually live here."

Or "What a good thing you don't live here, eh?"

Good one, Annie!

Tell her you were saving the last room for her to do. Since she is the superior expert in all of this, shouldn't take her but a half hour...time for you to check back in here.

not bad so far, only two snidey comments, plus caught her nosing through my paperwork once.

Interestingly, she displays a lot of "abuser" characteristics, i'm going on to the "stately homes" thread now I think

How are things, NotSuchASmugMarriedNow?

I just had the 'duty call' from my toxic sister...41 seconds and it'll take me a while to recover. She felt she 'had to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving'. So she did. And I pleasantly reciprocated, except I didn't have the terse edge in the tone of my voice. (na-na )

All in all, though, I do have alot to be thankful for...it was just a very brief phone call.

Interestingly, she displays a lot of "abuser" characteristics

That is a key feature of toxic people, yes.