think its over.....need a hug so bad.......

[tinkerbell41]

i am so lost dont know wot to do..........dont think i can do this again-i will have to for kids but really dont want too......
long story short a girl at work has been seriously giving my guy the eye.....shes a bitch........he was doing his job and being friendly but today i txt him and asked if something was up with us cause things felt different.......he asked wot.i said things felt weird..........he didnt come for his dinner as arranged..i txt him to see if he just wanted to collect it....he said he wasnt hungry-i phoned he didnt answer.............i know wot he like .i pushed the tinest bit and hes done a runner.......i know if he cant take any sort of issue then hes not strong enough for me but it still hurts so so much.....i never told him in the end but i was/am in love with him and will miss him so much.plus i,ll have to see him everyday-not sure if that will make it harder or easier...........just want to sleep...........

I'm sorry you are hurting :(

Do you actually know it's over though? Maybe he's just busy/fed up/feeling a little hemmed in?

But he hasn't done anything?

I feel for you.
Have you any family or close friends you could call on for support?? You don`t need to give them a reason yet just that you are feeling a bit low at the mo & could use their company for a little while.

You sound so sad , has he been in contact yet ?

how long were you together ?

together a year..nope he hasnt been in touch....for various reasons in my past giving me the silent treatment is the worst thing he could do and i think he knows that...........am trying to stay calm and hope for the best.i really really liked him.infact if i,m honest i,m in love with him............all his stuff is here....we got christmas pressies at weekend.....i know it seems silly but him not coming for anything to eat is a huge deal as food very very important to him....am gutted.....cant face work tomo but going to have to.i know what he,ll do he,ll just say hello and leave it at that-we would never b that friendly at work so as to keep it professional.......

so he txt this am saying we will talk tomo.......asked me not to go to his office today so i,ve stayed at home.........finally cracked bout 20mins ago and have sent him a v long txt telling him that i cant wait another day to b dumped and i need to know now wot going on......i told him i refuse to b turned into a bunny boiler and that giving me the silent treatment is the worst thing he could do.think i,ve signed the death warrant for my relationship with him but couldnt face another 24hrs of uncertainity.i,ll rather end it now than do that......i,m still hoping we can work things out but if he is who i think he is now being then we wont but hey then i,m better off without him i guess..it just hurts so so bad.............wish i could go out but little one has been sent home from school sick.hes fine now,watching tv in pjs but it means i,m stuck in house with my thoughts and its horrible......

am so low its horrible,,,never thought i would feel this way again after previous boyfriend died but i do.........cant take much more......cant eat,cant watch tv,,,mins seem like hours....cant do housewk or any of the things i should do cause i just cant...cant cry cause i dont cause i,m scared if i start i wont b able to stop and little one is in house...have told him i have same bug as he was sent home with and hes accepted that.need to go for a walk/run or just a good scream somewhere but cant........why do men all have to b such shits...and if he does come to see me-which i seriuosly doubt-should i fall nito his arms or yell at him and send him on his way...i want to fall into his arms and cry but dont think that will happen...hol is bked for nxt year and i was so so looking forward to it............dont know how we got here so quickly after having a lovely weekend together cuddled up and christmas shopping.....wot do i do with his pressies.just give them to him now...they no good to me and i,d rather he had them

Really feel for you, but try to stay positive, it may all be OK. If you haven't got anyone to talk to in RL, please try ringing the Samaritans 08457 909090
x

Love, with respect, but you start going all clingy and sad over him, he won't respond well

Stand strong and demand that you are not treated like this. Stop chasing him.

The holiday is booked - go without him.Show him your world doesn't revolve around him.

If you let him get away with this shit now, imagine what he'll get away with when he's REALLY got his feet under the table!

If your boyfriend were a decent bloke, the other woman wouldn't register on his radar at all. If he's the type to have his head turned by a colleague, then he is NOT worth keeping.

YOU need to dig deep and bin HIM. YOU need to demand better for yourself. YOU!

your right i know.he hasnt contacted me..........i have done something really stupid-i txted him a huge txt telling how i felt but that i wasnt going to b treated like this and if he wanted to try i would but if not then he needed to grow a pair and tell me to my face....i sent three long txts which i shouldnt have done and they will probo come back to bite me on the bum but our relationships over and i have always kept my mouth shut in past and later regretted it so this time i wasnt going to do that......i have probo made a fool of myself but its done.tomo i will hold my head up high and put a fake smile on.....i,m complety at rock bottom.trying not to panic........going to b a shite christmas now....will think bout hol etc in a few days.will need to give him his stuff....for now i have another long sickening night ahead...........am really low

NO, it will NOT be a shite christmas. You will have a lovely day with your DC. Focus on them, it's all about family.

He is NOT good enough for YOU. The longer he is taking up space in your life, the longer it will be before a GOOD man can know you.

Don't think about the stuff, if that is a hard thing for you to do, then get a friend to do the hand over.

Honestly, you don't want to put up with this, really you don't! ((((hugs))))

well the txts from me did the trick.i,m completly amazed.....hes not great-infact hes rubbish-at showing his feelings but he txt me late wed nite basically making up........we then had a nice meal out-didnt do any heavy talking just had loads of fun as usual like it never even happened>..i did make a point of saying that i wouldnt ever b put in that position again then i left it at that....while hes not talking bout feelings etc his actions defo make me feel much more secure so fingers crossed i,ve done the right thing......i know for sure that getting myself all upset was silly and i,m determined not to do that again............

What was happening for him, those few days when he was a bit absent? Was it about you, or the two of you, or something completely different?

Whatever it was it got to you badly - and I think it will again if you sense him taking steps back - which he might do any time he has serious things to think about which he's not communicated to you. Even if it's nothing about you.

You sound so sore still about past troubles - and you've imported them directly into this newer relationship. Your intense responses to current events, being based on historical events, may damage this relationship.

I truly do think that speaking to a trained counsellor about ancient griefs will help you keep your head if things are tricky for you again. It's really not clear what, if anything, was 'going on' for your partner, and I don't think you had enough information from him to base a response on. You reacted instead - quickly and passionately with despair and grief. Why? Something pressed your buttons. Findng out how they got installed in the first place would help you. Understanding how to take more time to fact-find, think and then respond instead of react would be valuable.

Good post Flanelle

tinkerbelle I'm glad it is working out for you but Flanelle is right, your severe distress is flagging up an unresolved issue from your past that will come back over and over until you deal with it. Can you use this episode to get some help to look back at your bereavement? You sound very brave

I wish you and your DP a happy Christmas together

ta flanelle and littlewh.....you r right i know.....i did have some counselling after marriage ended to help me work through my issues and i thought i had but think your right that i didnt.......and i know i reacted badly cause of past-that why silent treatment is so awful for me,it used to b used to control me....things have been very different since thu.he seems to have taken huge steps forward in our relationship-almost like now he knows how i feel he can b more relaxed bout his feelings too...hes not the sort to talk much but his actions are much more coupley and secure and he is definatley so much more relaxed with my kids....almost like he feels it ok to get to know them now....

one big concern in all that is that he wanted to come over tonite to stay.....i dont allow that when kids here and he never asked before...........we have been dating a year and kids r used to having him around and seem happy enough with it but i,m still not comfortable with him staying while they in house.....not sure how to handle that one....their dad would freak.......and mayb rightly so............

I am going to ask you a question here you may object to

Is he single ?

The reason I ask is because it doesn's sound like he is

dont mind you asking at all..........nope defo single.....why do you think hes not??

he plays hot and cold

does a disappearing act

so, he isn't single or he is a dickhead

either/or

you takes your choice....

So has he actually done anything with anyone, or do you just think he has? I can't work out from your post, do you work at the same place? If so, do people in the office know you are together?

Tbh he doesn't sound very kind, to keep you waiting for days and then decide to be all lovey-dovey suddenly.

If I were you I would start keeping a little distance for your own sake, and not let him stay while your DC are there. Not because 'their Dad would go mad', but because you choose to.

I had a similar experience with an ex.
Turned out he had another woman on the go all along. She lived an hour away and also had a child, so couldn't just show up unannounced. I have kids so I couldn't either.
It worked out well for him until we each found out about the other.

It was a real joy to get rid of him.
I now have a proper partner who does what he says he will do and puts me and the kids first.

The secret is though, to make space in your life for a decent bloke you have to clear out the idiot.

May your idiot join the commune that is assembling itself at the far side of fuck.

< applauds becka >

i am listening......really dont think hes seeing anyone else.....everyone at work knows we together and gym etc...........i met a huge crowd of his friends at weekend too........hes met mine......when we out anywhere he always holds my hand etc and i more or less know where he is everyday...not cause i,m controlling or want to be just cause he tells me and we see each other everyday.i,m making a point of not always being available even when kids not here and am steadlily finally making a good network of girl friends-i lost all mine except for one of two following marriage breakdown......

i change between thinking hes messing me around to thinking that he finds emotions hard to show to how messed up hes been from old relationships..when things r good we get on so so well....he accepts me for who i am....hes the one who tells me i never need to say sorry to him-i had a habit for apolgising if i thought i had cooked something wrong etc due to way i was ea in marriage-he wont allow me to do that and tells me everything i cook etc is awesome.....

things have been great since last week and i am so attracted to him........i would like to think that i can trust my own fuckwit judgement but hey hes male.....

have you had counselling following the breakdown of your ea marriage ?

it might be helpful for you, for lots of reasons

Oh dear.
My ex-of-the-excessive-red-flags also used the excuse that he was messed up after a relationship he had years ago. He fed me loads of crap like that. He also avoided my kids whilst dropping hints that he would like to move in with me!

Even if he is messed up from something, it doesn't justify him messing you around. Tell him to go and get therapy!

You are massively attracted to him because of the addictive quality of the highs and lows. I would keep him away from your kids if you plan on continuing to see him.

Does he have an unusual relationship with his mobile phone?