Taught DH a lesson last night.

[lollilou]

So last night Dh and I had a row yet again about the shared load of work. I said I wasn't feeling too good but would get on with dinner and packed lunches. He then decided to have a go at me for putting clothes on the radiators. Well ladies I'm not sorry to say I lost it. I went into the bathroom and threw all our bedding on the floor as he said we should put clothes in there though god knows where the bedding was supposed to go.Also threw some more clothes off the bathroom floor which he had left there. All the time calling him some very choice words so then I just grabbed keys,baccy,mp3 player and coat and left. I went for a very long walk and sat on the beach.Well when I got back he had put the clothes away,made dinner,washed up,made lunches and done DS,s homework and was very very sorry and said he didn't realise how difficult it was at that time of the day! Do you think it'll last?

I don't normally advocate tantrum-throwing but in this case, well done! Particularly as he didn't just apologise but actually did his share while you were out. If he's an otherwise nice chap who has just been raised to have a bit of a blind spot about housework ('women are naturally better at it darling' or whatever) you might have got the message through to him.

do you both work outside the home?

Teaching people lessons is not a good mentality to have no matter how much satisfaction you may gain from it. In fact it's a rather childish mindset to have.
Much better to rationally discuss and point out the issue without the need for tantrums.

What are the general household arrangements when it comes to chores ? Do you both just do what you can when time permits or do you have specified roles as such ? Who spends the majority of the time in the home, you or him ?

I think there is an important role for justifiable anger, it is easy to dismiss any display of anger as a tantrum. But actually your husband annoyed you by being unreasonable, you demonstrated clearly how you felt, he heard it and responded positively - good result all round.

I saw a clinical psych for a bit. He advised me in no uncertain terms to express appropriate anger, otherwise my DH would just carry on ignoring my rational explanations. He was right, and shaking off my old beliefs that anger is silly or wrong has been hugely liberating.

Use wisely and in moderation tho, I rarely get angry but when I do, I no longer bother with hours of calm discussion, I just say at the time I'm really pissed off, that's not ok for me, I am angry. Much quicker!

Oh of course we all know that rational discussion is the sensible way to go when in a calm state of mind. [hmmm]

However I'm with duvetday a one off stomp & totally childish flounce now & then is a good pressure reliever & wake up call to the appropriate parties.

You don't plan them that's the point!

Well I only posted it as a bit of a joke.Of course I don't normally flounce off and have tantrums but as it worked I feel it was justified. We have always had issues with who does what in the house.He works F/T I do much less P/T. Sadly his Mum didn't teach him to do stuff around the house and I have tried to train him up lol. Apart from that we get on really well,love our DCs and each other.. and have a nice life together. Now if I could just get him to change the duvet and clean the toilet.....

'Taught DH a lesson last night'?

Wow! That sounds so nasty.

Thing is, sometimes a person needs to be taught a lesson. Because that person has been ignoring polite requests and gently-put information that the person's behaviour is in fact selfish and unfair. This is particularly true WRT men who do not pull their weight domestically: it's not that they 'can't see the dirt', what they can't see is that women are fully human and that their partners are not their servants. Because there is quite a lot of cultural pressure to the effect that domestic work is what women are for, and because it suits men quite well to be able to believe that women are 'better' at domestic work and 'mind more' if it isn't done, to the extent that all the man really has to do is wait and the woman will do the chore rather than leave it needing to be done. Sometimes, if you live with a man who, while generally pleasant and a Good Dad and a good shag and all the rest of it, still thinks that housework is trivial and unimportant and oh well, she'll stop moaning and just do it in a minute, then sometimes you need to demonstrate clearly and firmly that this attitude is not acceptable.