Really fed up of being taken for granted

[stellarpunk]

So sick of being taken advantage of by DH. Constantly home late, feel like I'm taking on everything (housework, sorting out childcare, trying to make ever decreasing amounts of only go further).

Have a part time job but am increasingly feeling overwhelmed and stressed where as DH seems to belive that the world revolves around him. No consideration for me or my feelings.

Totally fed up an wondering why I bother staying with him:(

Sorry, needed to get that off my chest!

Why are you staying with him?

Have you talked to him about the way his behaviour makes you feel?

The two DC's

I have tried speaking to him about this dozens of times. He has great difficulty in expressing himself emotionally so very often, the convos go nowhere and simply get me more and more upset.

Gosh, what with no money as well, life is hard a the moment. Sorry, just feel really down. I know there are many worse off than me.

Maybe if he has problems connecting emotionally you could write it down and make it specific..."I need you to do this, that and the other" at least for the practical things and the way you treat me (specifically x, y, z)makes me feel like this (a, b and c). See what happens..if the emotion is getting in the way of comprehension then that will at least mean he gets the message about practical help...if it's not emotional connection but something else (laziness, entitlement etc.) then you'll see it more clearly.

swop him for tax credits

The thought has crossed my mind notsuchasmug

Mmmm, great idea. Don't bother with counselling, or anything like that. Just leave - clearly the best first option.

Sorry, who's that directed at redgreenblue?

Anyway, more to add. After spending the night apart after another chat, a strange conversation this morning where he admitted that sometimes he loves me, sometimes he's not sure.

WTAF?

Spent the day so far in a daze. In shock. We've been together for 15 years, married for nine. Two kids, both under five. Suffice it to say, a lo of history gone on over the years, namely heavy hardcore porn use on his side and sex emails between him and a couple of women.

I've had toput up with a lot, at times more than I could bear ( tried to kill myself just after second dc born) because I couldn't bear the unhappiness. I put it behind us bu you know what? It was never really dealt with. There were very serious, addiction based reasons for this; it wasn't an oversight on my side. He promised it was all over and for the last two years I have had no reason to doubt him. But am wondering if the marriage was just fatally wounded and should have been put out of it's misery.

Sorry, feel very strange and weirded out. :(

Sorry, just want to be really clear here (after a monster flaming about porn a couple of months ago.)

I'm not a troll, this is stuff which has happened/is happening to me now.

It's not about porn par se, indeed I have no wish to debate that in this thread. Please.

This is about my marriage and a place for me to speak my heart. I hope you can all understand that.

foolonthehill thanks or advice but have tried this many, many times. He clams up and wont speak or says very little. The conversation will end with him promising to think.

But nothing ever really changes. Life intrudes and before you know it you're caught up n school runs, getting he tea in etc.

Nothing ever changes. Truely, my definition of despair.

Well Stella, it's not a good set up is it regardless of length of time. Nothing much changes does it? Not sure what I can say other than you really need to take stock and be prepared to call it a day. Seems that you have always given in.

Time for some outside intervention maybe?

You can go to relate on your own, they will help you sort out your feelings instead of going round and round in circles.

Stellar, it was at notsuch's flippant remark.

I think you need to get advice and help as fuzzy says. Your later posts are much more worrying than the first one - clearly there is something you need to work out for yourself, and decide for yourself what you want with your life.

Your DH won't help with that (it would seem) - you need to make the decisions yourself, but please don't be afraid to ask someone else's help to work that through in your mind.

well I think if you have done this and that was the result...you have your answer..he does not want to change, he does not see a need for him to put in any effort, you are carrying a huge amount of hurt, pain and the burden of forgiving (which would be ok if you could forgive and move on but your relationship hasn't moved on). so you want change...you can't make him change....what do you want to do?

Agree with outside help and counselling.
There are so many things in your last posts that have the potential to be a very big issue.....

I think you need to get a better picture of what is going on in your head, clarify your own feelings. Your H has just told you he isn't really into you. And you tell us that you have had to forgive a lot because a lot has been going on incl inadequate relationships.
You need to understand why you have accepted so much crap. And why you still putting up with so much.

How do you feel about what he told you this morning?