Can anyone recommend...

[helpmabob]

Hi my dh and I have got into a bad pattern of speaking nastily to each other and arguing constantly. We are both commited to resolving our issues but bitterness, resentment and anger get in our way. So canyonerecommend a good book that can help us apply naybe cbt techniques to our relationship and give us a guide to work with. We just need some help through this and an appointment with a couples' counsellor can take months. I would like to start addressing our issues now.

Have any of you used anything really great? Any advice would be so appreciated. I know there is love there for both of us but we have lost our way after years of external difficulties.

www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/

We found this useful really justo to find each other again, re-learn what makes the other happy. Basically doing things for one another in a way that hits the spot for them

Its a long journey - ive been there but its worth persevering youre doing the right thing, best of luck

Thank you mycherubs. I know it is a long journey but if we can regain what we had we will be very blessed. I get so depressed when I think about how it used to be versus now and I want my children to see us at our best. Idon't want to lose him and he doesn't want to lose me so it is baffling how we have ended up where we are.

Is there anything good about managing conflict in a relationship?

There's a similar thread in relationships running right now which I've been posting on

oh could you link to it for me - thanks

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1348196-Neglected-relationship-going-from-bad-to-worse-how-to-get-back-on-track

Thanks mumblechum1 and your advice on there is good.

I was also wondering if there are any cbt type exercises for couples, there is so much for dealing with personal issues such as self esteem etc but I could do with some that help improve your relationship and can work on together.

Thanks.

Don't know about cbt exercises or books, but there must be some. Have you had a look on Amazon/googled for the info?

Yes there is as ever on amazon a massive range of stuff which is why I thought I would ask mumsnetters who may have tried out something good.

Anyone?

My dh has a room full of books on self improvement (he coaches senior executives in leaderships skills among other things) and one which he has bought for umpteen people is called Non Violent Communication.

He's away this week so I'll have a nosy in his office to see what else is on his shelves.

Although out of a church setting it's not really religious... "The marriage Book" By Nicky and Sila Lee is a set of exercises that take you through some pointers for improving your marriage...many friends have found it helpful especially alongside the 5 love languages already recommended.

www.amazon.co.uk/Marriage-Book-Nicky-Lee/dp/1905887396/ref=pd_sim_b_1

PS This book is derived from a course that the (rather smug) married authors run...i believe you can get the course on DVD along with a "work book" if that appeals.

Thanks all of you I shall take a look at these.