Can I have a chat about dealing with dreadful ILs?

[nethunsreject]

Dh's family (and I hate to use the term, but for useful shorthand..) toxic. They are awful to him and he goes back for more. I cannot stand it. It is like watching him being tortured.

However, only he can make the choice to sever/limit contact, so how do I deal with this? After we have seen them, it takes weeks to pick up the pieces and get him back to his usual self.

If it might be possible to refuse to go yourself, you would then provide a template for him to consider as a reality based option.

He is probably brainwashed into the habit that he has to 'put up with it' forever...has he noticed that he is now an adult? He can stop the obedient child role play now.

Family 'duty' to the family of origin is a strong dynamic, though. He has to have an epithany for himself to see that his well being (and your family unit's well being) can rightly be the higher priority.

Thanks, birds, for the response.

I tend to go because I feel like I can back him up when they go for him, but maybe that is the wrong thing to do?

He is starting to realise that they are wrong about him when they constantly get on at him, but he keeps going back for more.

Should I avoid them? Is it worth a try?

Yes you should stop going...

By doing that you will help him to see it is not normal...

I don't see any children involved, but if there are, they are just the next generation, until you stop it....

Yeah, I'll stop. Be glad to!

We have 2 dses. Ds1 loves them. They are actually fine as Grandparents, just awful, awful parents.