DP's friend has been killed

[DSM]

Not sure where to post this.

One of DP's close friends was killed yesterday. Drunk driver knocked him down and he died.

Nothing like this has ever happened to me before, not sure how to act, I've had a cry but only when DP wasnt around, he can't stop crying. I want to b supportive but not sure how exactly, he says I'm being great but I feel like I'm not doing anything?

He's gone out with the other friends this evening so I'm just waiting for him to get home. Not sure what I can do to help.

Seven - how well did you know him? May I ask - how did you know him?

It's okay if you prefer not to answer, I'm just curious really.

DP went to work today as normal. Seems to be coping quite well but I am prepared for his grieving process to go through bad times from the comments I have received here, and for that I would like to really thank everyone that has taken the time to reply.

If you feel uncomfortable that your husband's friend's real identity has been outed, you can ask for the thread to be deleted because of that - re click report post and ask for it to be deleted for the above reasons.

It's hard to know what to do when you've never experienced anyting like it - even those of us who have still feel apprehensive that we're going to get it wrong; plus our culture is hardly brilliant at dealing with bereavement as a general rule! Perhaps google 'how to support someone who is bereaved' or some such thing to get some solid pointers?

If you feel you have given too much away, then you can report your thread and ask for it to be deleted. You can always start another thread, with less details.

My DH lost a friend a couple of months ago and it was really hard. We visited the friend's parents, who I had never met. It was really tough but I was glad that we went. It helped them, I think.

You have just reminded me that I had promised to keep in touch. Will send them a short note tomorrow.

As to how to help your DH. Be there for him, let him talk, let him grieve. It is strange to grieve for a friend of your DH's, cause it is not "your" loss - or that is how it seemed to me. But I was upset as it was a life cut too short.

Aurynne, good point about not invalidating the DP's feelings. I had this done to me when I was grieving, and it has left me thinking less of this person.

my son lost his best friend when they were both 21, it really hit him very very hard and I didnt know what to do for the best. In the end I found the most comforting thing for him was just to sit and listen to him and let him talk about his feelings, however hard it was for him and you. He also found comfort in their other mutual friends.

I dont know that he has ever really gotten over it, 3 years later.

He won't have gotten over it 3 years later tbh ditzy. As I said above, he will never get over it, just learn to live with it.

I lost a friend of mine earlier this year, and my DP was just there for me. He didn't say anything, just listened and held me while I cried. And he made sure I ate food, and he kept me warm and he looked after me.

My partner lost his pregnant fiancee in a car crash ten years ago and I know he will never get over it. You just have to be there for him - listen to him, hold him.