Something wrong here?

[oncemorewithfeeling]

My H password protects his computer and phone, always has - sees it as a privacy thing. Will barely let me touch his computer, he's very security conscious and gets nervous if he lets me use his comp while he's logged into his work. I understand email security but somewhere I find it strange.
We havent been sleeping together and he seems quite unbothered by it. Although when we do try its me who somehow clams up ( I think I am resentful) so it feels like its my fault. We have a toddler with SN and v little family support and so are knackered all the time. He sees this as the only problem and says he isnt worried about sex as we are affectionate and on the rare occasions that it does happen its good.
I am more bothered. I worry about what it means and wish we weren't sinking into this drudgery. I feel the need to shake us up and reconnecting sexually as I do feel it will just end in someone straying, but I dont really know how to fix whats wrong given the limited time we have and the fact that I find myself quite unsexy nowadays. I have brought it up with him. Im quite straight about being frustrated but he just shrugs it off and doesnt seem to want to share how he is coping with our lack of a sex life.
Do you think I should try to check his phone or emails?

I am not sure on whether you should do that or not - has he always been like this? or is it a recent thing? My partnern and I both have access to each other's phones/accounts etc like it's no big deal but maybe he is just a more private person. If it was a recent change in behaviour I would be more worried than if he was like that when you met.

Without sounding all psychologist here it sounds as though there are some trust issues.
If your H works in a high-security/high-privacy job then I can completely see why there is a need to p/w protect computer and phone, but if not, then that suggests he has trouble with trust - perhaps from past problems (not meaning you).
If you are thinking about checking his phone or emails that suggests that you feel that there is something he is hiding from you.

If you are able to raise issues without conflict arising then perhaps you could gently broach the subject and let him know that it makes you feel left out. It sounds as though the lack of 'connection' is deeply affecting you.

Is there any way you can muster up more family support? If someone can babysit for a couple of hours you might find it easier to spend some quality time together? Or perhaps think about getting some counselling before frustration leads to resentment?

Hmm I cant remember when he got all security sensitive. He's always been a little bit. But no his job is not high security. He started locking his comp after I found some porn when I was using it a few years back (before marriage and babies). I was actually amused but he definitely doesnt want to share about porn - its something he wants for himself. Nowadays he claims he's gone off porn and I believe him - there's no time in the day when he could be accessing this. He knows I have the odd erotic novel on standby as it were so I dont see why it should be a big thing to hide from me. I am not sure when he started locking his phone. (maybe this is a ll a bit tmi - sorry)
He let me use his computer a while ago when mine packed up and I needed to gte something finished for a deadline that day. So I had the password and was home all day with it but I resisted the urge to have a look around becasue I know he feels strongly about privacy in this context. He changed the password as soon as he came home. I was a bit pissed at this - what does he think I am going to do?

I guess all the above is a side issue really to the not having sex. TBH I think he's gone off me since the pregnancy. He was squicked at the thought of having sex 'with the baby there'. I was annoyed about this at first. but finally came to the conclusion that cant force him into having sex if he's not comfortable. I also thought there would be sex again at some point. Anyway fast forward a pregnancy and 21 months and we have had sex maybe 4-6 times. I had initiated a couples night for cuddling in bed whihc he was enthusiastic about but which fell by the wayside in Feb. We have been away for night and tried to have sex but I couldn't. I feel this wave of bad emotions. Maybe resentment about the pregnancy and tiredness and feeling unsexy and worrying what it all means that we dont have sex anymore.

Anyway he's a bit on the squeamish side, always prefered me dressed up rather than casual. Nowadays I work from home and am constantly casual. Plus endless food stains. My body isnt even in the same ball park as pre pregnancy and I get the feeling he doesn't really find me attractive anymore.

"what does he think I am going to do?"

Exactly what you are saying you now want to do!

Your gut instincts are strong as you probably already know the answer to this. I'd be surprised if he's not hiding anything