DH being a bit too reasonable?

[letmehelp]

This is going to sound strange, to complain that he's being considerate, but I don't know I just have an uneasy feeling.

We've been married a long time and mostly get on pretty well, but recently (last year or so) I've felt that we're not really that close any more. It hasn't been awful, just hasn't been great IYSWIM.

He's in a new job which means he's away a lot and that if I'm to keep up my sport or have any sort of social life, I have to rely heavily on my mum for help with DC (very lucky to have her)

The last 3 times I've mentioned that something was happening, but I didn't think I could go, as I've asked Mum too many times (not fair on Mum or DC) he's said, "you must go, I'll make sure I'm here"

That does sound mad now I've written it, but although he's never been a horrible man (far from it) it is out of character for him to put getting home for his family ahead of doing a (very) full day's work. The most recent example will mean him leaving the office c. 3pm!

maybe he's trying to make an effort to mend things between you?

maybe he's missing you now he's working away and he wants to try harder?

you're thinking he's playing away and being nice to you through guilt, aren't you?

Maybe ask him? Sounds like you two need to talk to each other enough.

I haven't met his collegues yet, but the Christmas party is coming up - I'm not particularly bothered about going, but he is very keen that I do, so no real worries there I think. He doesn't socialise with them, except when he's away, when it will be just 1 or 2 others, always men afaik.

No I don't have any real reason for concern, just that he seems extra keen to make sure I get my "me time" and the feeling that there's some distance .

I would strongly advise you to go to the Christmas party and meet his new colleagues. One of the things that causes huge distance in marriages is when a spouse knows nothing about such a major part of the other's life; their colleagues and their work.

Seeing your husband in a different setting can also add fresh impetus to a relationship that is plodding along.

I think the subtext to your post is that you are worried about infidelity and that this disproportionate consideration for you is because of guilt on his part. Starting a new job can often be a flashpoint moment for infidelity, but it will actually help if you meet his colleagues and they can humanise you as a likeable woman. Colleagues are often far less tolerant of another's cheating, if they have met and got to know the partner.

could he be thinking the same as you; hes away a lot, comes home to his fit looking wife ( all the sport ) and wonders whether you have 'other interests'?

Sounds to me like he is just being considerate and appreciates how much you do whilst he is away, I think you are looking for things that aren't there.

I think that when you're in a long marriage you pick up tiny subtle clues that something isn't right.

Sometimes they're so subtle that you think you are going mad. On the surface everything seems fine. The only thing I could liken it to when it happened to me was that there was a kind of dislocation. For me, once I found out what had caused the dislocation, everything fell into place.

Trust your instincts, OP.