Does he? Doesn't he? What do you think?

[Charliebigpotatoes]

Bit of a wierd one but I value your opinions!
I have been chatting to a guy through work first via e-mail then we swapped numbers and have been texting for a little while. He seems like a really nice guy and he makes me laugh. He has said the same as me, that he always smiles when he sees a message from me and always tells me how much I make him laugh.
We have not yet met but have talked about meeting up for a drink, we have seen pictures of each other, he told me he thinks i'm attractive and (in his words) smoking hot!
I think he's really cute and want to meet him.
Now he does a really stressful job with long hours so it's difficult for us to find time to meet and I do understand that but I've been talking to friends over the past few days. They seem to think he's stalling over meeting me. It's now making me doubt whether he wants to meet up or not.
It does feel like i'm the one who suggests dates to meet up etc and he always says he cant for whatever reason, mainly work however he does seem like he actually wants to meet.

I know i'm waffling but I just dont know what to think now!!
I know I've left loads out so ask any questions you need to!

I would be wondering if he's actually single. Sorry.

I know for a fact he's single so it's not that...

You could ask him? I probably would.

It's the old, old advice- it's not what he says but what he does that counts.

Guys who want to date chase- and nothing gets in the way- they are pretty single minded and uncomplicated.

I'd suggest you stop emailing and texting and see what happens next.

Well he says all the time that he wants to meet but just doesn't have a lot of time, can't say exactly what he does for fear of outing myself on here but he is a trauma doctor so I know he is very busy. I asked him last week what he thought of me and his response was "I think you're quirky, funny and you look really attractive, I really want to meet you just wish I had more spare time"
I think maybe its just that i'm more keen to meet than he is maybe??
One friend did say that maybe he's just a bit shy/scared about taking the next step but i'm not so sure

Just because he's single doesn't mean he's available. He may be heavily involved in a relationship, have dc etc.

Give him another date to meet up and if he says he can't make it, ask him to suggest a date that he is available.

I would drop all chat about meeting up and keep your chat low key about everyday type of stuff.

For whatever reason he doesn't seem that keen to meet up. I wouldn't waste much time daydreaming about him. He had a chance, he had several, he didn't take it.

men like fliirting and chatting up women. didn't you know? it doesn't mean they are a) available or b) want to date you- even if they say they do.

Well by the sound of it he does have a very demanding job. But he's not falling over himself to meet, so he may (partly because of his job) prefer to have a flirty text relationship rather than get more involved. Leave it up to him to suggest a meeting next time, and if he doesn't, within a fortnight or so, accept that he is Not That Into You, continue the chat if you like but look around for someone else if you want an actual date or two.

If you met him through work, have you done your homework and asked around about whether he's truly single? TBH, there are usually only two main reasons for someone (of either sex) who is stalling like this - either they are in a relationship and it's difficult to meet/they want something, but will stop short of a physical affair or.....they are just not into you.

Another possibility is that this man is genuinely really into his job, which means that if you did get a date with him and start a relationship he will always put the job first. Nothing necessarily wrong with that. People who work in medicine, like plods and firefighters and, er, lifeboat crew or indeed emergency foster carers, don't make the most constantly attentive or reliable of partners. Because actually their job sometimes is more important than taking the partner out for dinner on his/her birthday.
Are you up for that sort of relationship, OP? If not, thank your lucky stars that the flirting has gone no further so it won't hurt much to disengage.

OP I've posted on another thread about "grooming." Not saying that your man is doing this but worth bearing in mind!

Listen - if someone wants to meet up with you - they will. Work isn't 24/7, whatever you do for a living, you can find the time for a coffee, if you want to. He doesn't want to. Sorry.

I work for Surrey Police and he works for Kent air ambulance so you can get the full picture. I know he is single/ no DCs etc through mutual acquaintances in work. But they have also said that he is very into his job, he's travelled all over the world to disaster zones etc and is very passionate about what he does. I can handle this, being a police officer does mean having to let people down a lot as well.
I think I'm just going to wait for him now, see if he suggests anything.
I guess I'm just naive, I assumed that when someone tells you they like you, is the first to suggest you should meet and always says nice things to you then they meant it! Why would they lie!? I guess I've got a lot to learn

Just as an example, I finished nights on Wednesday, he started nights on Tuesday, he doesn't have a day off for 10 days/nights from yesterday, we both work long shifts with unpaid overtime usually thrown in for good measure. The first day I have free is 25th but he's nights again

You both work in high pressure jobs with weird shift patterns, so you either have to coordinate your shifts so you get time together - but that usually happens when you are already in a relationship together or just play it by ear and see how things go.

I would ask him to give you a few dates of when he is free and you do the same, someone is going to have to swap a shift if you are ever going to meet up.

Even with the shift patterns you've described, surely he could find half an hour for a coffee?

Is he even attempting to try and set something up or was "I'd love to meet you if only I had more spare time" all he could manage?

We dont live close enough to just meet up for half hour for a coffee, its a train ride away plus when you work shifts it does make it more difficult, you can never guarantee you're going to be off on time.
Well we may have found a date, he text me this morning to suggest the 29th for a quick drink, he's working until 7 and he has a conference the next day so it wont be a late one but we can both make it as i'm on day shifts! At last!

Glad you have a date set - let us know how it goes. Good luck

One thing I've learnt - if a guy is interested he will crawl over coals to see a woman. My dh would drive a similar distance just to see me for 30 mins. I really don't buy the he's shy line (one benefit of getting older you learn this!).

A bit of advice (again from bitter experience) try not to invest too much in him at this stage, you are still single so keep your options open, see other people, go out, join clubs etc.

I hope the date goes well for you, please come back and let us know how it goes.

Hope it goes well OP. Just remember to be cool - and leave it to him to chase you for the next date .

Some people are just not that bothered about forming and maintaining couple-relationships. They have other priorities. The fact that he seems to be putting his work first doesn't make him a bad person, or a cad toying with your affections, or anything. He doesn't owe you a date or a relationship just because you have engaged in some friendly chitchat.
Enjoy your meet-up with him but don't build on it too much at least until you've actually met him. Bear in mind that, for all your anticipatory fizzing gusset, he might be a disappointment in the flesh. He might smell. Or talk about Star Wars all night and show you his favourite Captain Thingy figurine.