I thought everything was going well, but maybe it's not?

[StuckForWords]

I ended up posting on MN as were supposed TTC, no success in a year. On the verge of accepting failure in that regard.

Anyway, I thought everything was going wonderfully with my DP. I was walking down the street the other day thinking how happy we are!

However, tonight I'm on my own again. He's been out every night this week except for last night when we had a blazing row over when to turn the bloody boiler on. It ended up with him storming out then begging to let back in an hour later.

He went to see a friend at lunch time and probably won't be back until midnight or later. We were supposed to go out with friends earlier in the week, but him and said friends left the house while I was still getting ready and I didn't fancy making the trip in the dark on my own. So I stayed in on my own, again.

We haven't had sex in a month. We never do anything together outside of the house. You may be wondering why I thought it was so good? Well he's very affectionate and generally lovely when he's here. But he's never bloody here! He does have depression but is receiving treatment for it and is so, so much better than he was a year ago. I'm really proud of him in that regard.

But I'm starting to wonder if the non-depressed him, wants me? Am I being totally paranoid? I could really do with some outside perspective!

StuckForWords - firstly, trying for a year isn't very long, even though it feels like it. It really doesn't mean anything. Secondly - and much more importantly - I would not be TTC to him. Not now. I can see you ending up as a single Mum within the year. Sorry to be so negative, but really, just don't. I don't think this is a good relationship at all and either needs to be got out of (would be my choice) or an awful lot of work - before you even think about bringing a baby into it - unless you want to be a single mum & tied to him forever :(

Sorry :( x

Don't apologise, I appreciate your honesty.

It's just incredibly rude to bog off while you were still getting ready. I just can't understand that at all - didn't the friends think it was strange? Did no-one phone to see where you were if they thought you'd catch them up?

I agree you should rethink ttc with him until you sort out what is going on here (and also as chipping says, a year trying isn't unusual - don't worry about your fertility based on that unless you've other issues).

Yes it was very rude and I was livid at the time. He doesn't take his mobile out on nights out and I didn't have either of the friends numbers.

I'm reduced to checking facebook for some indication of when he'll be home tonight.

Why doesn't he take his mobile?

They went out without you! I think you need to be thinking about finding a different person to have babies with tbh. Sorry - he sounds like a shit.

He scared of losing it.

Think the pill may be coming back out of the bedside table at least. Sigh. I'm 33, not getting any bloody younger either.

I was 35 when I had dd. You still have lots of time.

I was 36.

He sounds thoroughly selfish, and I can't believe he left to go out while you were getting ready to.

What does that tell you?

I would definately not have someone like that as the father of my children. Too true you'll be left holding the baby!

Sounds like an arse to me.

What would he be like when it comes to the massive commitment that a baby is. Leaving you to it whilst he went out all the time?

I was 35 with DD and 39 with DS - you have plenty of time (and took 18mths ttc with DD and 1night with DS - you never can tell how its going to work).

It's been considered an improvement up and till this weekend; the going out a lot stuff. At one point he was peeing in bottles to avoid coming out of his bedroom.

Maybe he has to be ill to want me?

What did he say about when he went out while you were still getting ready? Did he apologise?

How does his loveliness to you manifest itself?

He apologised and said he thought I didn't want to go - but he'd annouced they were leaving before I'd finished backing up my work. He knows I will not under any circumstances leaving it languishing on the hard drive on this battered old thing.

I think he is sending you a fairly clear message that he doesn't love you very much and is not interested in your wellbeing. Stop TTC with him and have a think about whether you want a couple-relationship, babies or both. If what you really want most of all is a baby then you could keep him on as a sperm donor, though you'd have to be prepared from the beginning to do all the physical and emotional work yourself and to have to keep in contact with him. You might be better off, in that case, using donor sperm.
If what you really want is a couple-relationship, I don't think that this man is the best choice for one of those, either. Mind you, one thing to consider (I may have misunderstood) but if he is peeing in bottles to avoid a confrontation with you, do you think you might be a tiny bit controlling/hostile?

The bottles thing was over a year ago. His habits are much more normal now.

I probably am a bit controlling, but what can you do when you have someone won't even wash or eat? As I say that's a long time ago now.

You do talk a frightening lot of sense though, SGVB.

He doesn't wash?

OP, don't have a baby with him. Please, please don't. You and your future children deserve so much more than this.

I know you are worried about time, but if you leave now you'll have plenty of time. If you put it off, you won't.

He didn't wash. That was over a year ago, his habits are normal now.

Erm, this man is not an object for you to mould and play with and create the perfect partner from. It sounds as though he may have mental health issues. In which case leave him the fuck alone. He may need professional help. Are you a fully trained mental health care professional? If not, you can't fix him by love and the determination to have a couple-relationship with him whether he likes it or not and patience. If you are and he is/was a patient of yours, you are breaching professional standards all over the place.

You what? I stated above that he has depression and has been receiving treatment.

Solid have you read the thread at all, your comments are way out of order.

That's a good point, peabody. He's naturally a very sociable chap and I suppose I sort've got used to him being at home all the time. Don't get me wrong - I'm over the fucking moon and the stars and the sun that he's improving, but I wasn't expecting to feel a little rejected in the process.

It's a funny old world.

Am back on the pill, as of yesterday by the way.