DP lies to me

[iarebaboon]

Last night it came to light that DP had been dishonest about something (nothing very important) and when he was put on the spot as it were, he looked me in the eye and lied. He lied and lied. The most ridiculous, obvious lies

This has happened many times over the years

To me it signals a complete lack of respect and the long and short of it is I have no faith in him, can't trust him and am deeply hurt that he thinks that I am someone he needs to, or wants to, be dishonest with

I confront him, he retreats, tries briefly to justify the unjustifiable then goes silent and avoids me. I have to deal with the hurt and anger and then I have to let it go, because he sure as hell won't make any move towards reconciliation

I'm sick of it. It's happened too many times, always about trivial matters but it hurts so much that I am someone to be deceived rather than us being united and 'in it together'

He's killed any affection I had for him. I already had no trust in him. Our relationship is not what I want a relationship to be, but im fed up of doing all the running to try to improve it. Not sure I even want to. What a mess

iarebaboon oh I feel for you I really do. I have 2 children under 3 with my partner, we have just bought a house and when I work I earn more than he does. He is a good father but a poor partner. He has a habit of continually telling white lies, such as "where are you?" I'm just paying my football subs" "you mean you're down the pub having a pint, "not really, I just popped in, no, he has been there for 2 hours, does he think I am stupid? I asked him where he was not what he was doing. On the few occassions I have called it lieing he ha fobbed me off and told me not to make a mountain out of a molehill.

we have reached the decision today to end it, although similarly to you I have been weak and let things go for a very long time , and probably the unexpected arrival of our second son meant we didn't broach the subject of being unhappy for much longer. My boys are now 2 and 1, my partner does not behave like he loves or cares for me, he loves his boys, but he is a liar, and there are so many other issues, that I have to be strong for my long term sanity and it will be better for the boys.

I am petrified of how I will cope with the boys, work and not knowing what support he will give me, but the most important thing is that my boys know that their mum and dad love them and get shown it everyday. For me sepeartion is the way forward but it has taken me 3 years to realise that it was never right in the first place and I was naive to think that our relationship would change.

I wish you all the luck, think about it but put yourself first, an unhappy mum living with an unhappy dad is nowhere near as good as a single happy mum who struggles but is smiling.

Hi OP, I could have written your post as I'm in exactly the same position. My H lies about big and small things all the time. Despite me telling him that his lies are seriously damaging our marriage, he continues and it has got to the point where I just don't believe a word he says anymore, I have lost all respect for him and, actually, I don't like him very much.

I don't really have any advice but just wanted you to know you are not alone and it is a crappy place to be.

Same fedupwithlies

I just don't like him but can't imagine life without him. We've been together since we were teenagers. We used to have so much fun

But he can't much like me either to be such a shit

On the face of it itcseems crazy to contemplate splitting up over an insignificant untruth. But it's the cumulative effect. And the loss if trust and respect. I suppose without those it's nothing really

Thanks for all your replies. It's a help

Only you can see/say if you want to put up with this for the next 5/10/20 years....

As a single mum, I say, You can do it!

So much better to be alone with your kids than having a MANCHILD around too...