ipartners low libido

[rocket69]

Sounds like a really self indulgent whine now with reading other peoples issues. But my GF of 17 yrs has a really low libido. She really likes it when we do but she just doesn't seem to want to very much. Early on we had really rampant drives but it dwindled, picked to again when we were trying for our. kids (got 2) I gradually put on weight and get less fit. Turned that around to point where fitter than ever but also seem to want sex more than ever. Leads to rows as I fee rejected she feels pressured and says I go on about it. Have read other posts and tried. Being patient etc, buthen I try o be less I get accused of being cold or grumpy. But if I talk about it I'm going on. Arrggh. End up bottling it to and getting upset when she's asleep. How can I make. myself want it less or not be bothered?

How about trying to get her back on track to a happy medium for you both, would she consider therapy? Are their outside factors which mean she doesn't feel like it, pressure at work, at home. Sex for women starts a long time outside the bedroom.

Women need to feel wanted as a person and not just sexually

she wants you in a happy mood (not cold and grumpy) but not pestering - try that ' happy but not trying anything on', maybe she'll get more turned on - try to focus on things other than her more, this might get her attention sexually.

Perhaps you should get a real partner instead of an iPartner?

It's pretty normal I think for a person's libido to dwindle in a long term relationship, I know mine has (18yrs together). Luckily in our case I think his has too so it's not a big issue.

women get defensive when there is an atmosphere of sexual expectation all the time, once that's gone she might become more drawn to you. But yes, it's not easy to stay affectonate generally in the same time, so it's not just all 'off', worth a try though.

How old are the children? How much time to herself and to be herself does she get? Do you take up the strain of household chores?

I think the first thing men should do when their partner's libido is non-existent is ask themselves: 'how much do I do around the house, vs how much does she do around the house?'

I know in male logic land, housework and libido wouldn't necessarily correlate. But believe me THEY DO.

If a woman's feeling taken for granted like a skivvy then she's not going to particularly want to have sex with the person she feels is taking her for granted ie: you.

Ask yourself the question and then step up your efforts around the house. That, coupled with taking the pressure off, I reckon she'll start coming round to the idea of more intimacy.

hello, thanks for all the posts, aside from this issue we get on really well, kids 9 and 5, i think i pull my weight around the house and being a 'proper dad' is what i always wanted to be and i think i do that. we enjoy being together and share the same interests, to be honest it really is just this. its just a vicious circle as i get more frustrated and she gets less interested. i start to feel horrible for wanting her. or i get clingy which winds her up more.
Autumnflower i think what you said is the way i need to go but its hard when you know somebody isn't that interested. will keep trying as she is really wonderful. the focusing on things other than her may be the way to go.

well if i got rewarded for domestic duty then I would be a several times a day man....mrrocket69!!...try all the advice above but there aint no guarantees....perhaps best to lower your expectations and deliver only on demand....extremely difficult but one week in I am finding some peace in this approach

Hi op
I'm sorry your feeling this way, I'm sure your wife ‘wants you’ and I'm sure as you said it's a routine we parents get ourselves into when we have priorities to think of kids, work, house etc, you should not feel bad for wanting her.. Maybe sit bk a little and take sex out of situation.. Try other things like running a bath for her and light a few candles ask to join her after a while still leaving sex out of it, little gestures like this will help her relax, take away any expectations and pressure's knowing that sex isn't on the ojenda then she may relax into it and maybe even make the move on you? Not saying it will happen first time around mind you!! But worth trying.. She could also have a personal problem she could be embarrassed about, don't ask her tho.. Just a thought? Good luck

OK, here's a very easy way to work out whether or not you are doing your fair share of domestic work and childcare. Do you and your DW get roughly the same amount of leisure time? That's time to pursue a hobby, meet friends, get pissed, lie in the bath with a book, wander aimlessly round town, whatever... but it's time that's chore-free and child-free. Time to be yourself when you are a parent in a couple-relationship is actually more likely to make for a happy couple than 'couple-time', especially when there is a libido mismatch, because a 'romantic dinner' is not a treat for her if she's going to have to worry all the time that you will have your cock out before she's finished her pudding on the grounds that you've 'done' the romantic dinner and now she has to do the sex.

I would say that best not to try anything! Just stay chilled, help around with equal/fair share of work, be jolly and fun; take up intense physical exercise, be nice to your DW....but expect nothing...otherwise all the romantic dinners could leave you frustrated if you have any expectation that being perfect hubby will definitely solve this. It may but it may not. And guard against thinking that so and so does sweet FA but seems to have an charmed, easy life.

I am telling you this not to make you cynical but so that you don't think that it will definitely make a difference as it may not and then you will feel hard done by. So my advice is to do all that good stuff but find ways of coming to terms with the new state as it could just be how it is. I recommend taking up serious exercise.