Ex wants to diss-own his children (again) - should I keep building bridges?

[Catiekitten]

My ex has undiagnosed mild Asburghers (sorry 'bout spelling!). For the 14 years I lived with him times could be very difficult. Our relationship ended abruptly 2 years ago, since then he has had access to our 3 girls when-ever off-duty, should he wish to take it up. Now they are getting older and more unpredictable, have opinions and need more detailed emotional support, he's struggling. They are gorgeous, well balanced bright girls, who are not on the end of 'bad mothering' as he site's, rather than his own short-fallings.
Two weeks ago he stated he no longer wanted anything to do with his children, I tried to reason & get him to re-consider, but since we have heard nothing, even on my daughter's 10 birthday last Monday. He did go 'silent' over summer, as we didn't see/hear from him for 7 weeks.
Are there other mums out there with similar situations? -He is the only Dad my girls will have, should I keep trying to keep the relationship with his girls going, or am I being a 'muppet' for putting up with his tantrums and unexplained weeks of no contact & think more about the emotional stability of my girls?

I think you need to stop hanging on what HE creates. I think you offer times to see the DC, and if he takes you up on it, great, if not, carry on and don't allow him to put a speed bump in your day.

Sounds like you and your DC are doing OK without him. Detach and isolate yourself from his fallout.

If I were you, I'd explain aspergers to your DC in an age appropriate manner and say that it's not a reflection on them at all, rather HIM that can't form healthy relationships easily. Reinforce THEIR 'normality' and YOU need to be their rock.

What Hissy said. Stop putting up with this nonsense from him; its just another way of controlling and manipulating you. This is about power and control.

How did he behave around other people compared to yourself?.

This brings me to write that you may actually be wrong re him and Aspergers; if he is undiagnosed you cannot automatically assume he has this type of autistic behaviour. And no, its not mild either, it can be very debilitating.

I finally came to the conclusion that just because my DDs Dad was their biological father, it doesnt necessarily mean hes the best person to help raise them. My life became much simpler when i stopped trying to help him have a relationship with his girls. Thats up to him. In the mean time i do my best on my own and my BF/DP is a significant positive adult male in their lives, who helps me raise them and contributes more emotionally and financially than their Dad. (thanks CSA for the £6.50 a week)
Find a nice man thats right for you and supports you and that can be the good example your girls can aspire to.

I am not sure how someone can have "undiagnosed" aspergers. Who has decided he has this?

Could it not be that he just has "selfish tosser" traits, and rather than making allowances for him, you need to get tough with him.

I would advise against diagnosing aspergers for yourself, tbh. Many people have traits that fit in with what you read, but dianosis is a long process that is best left to professionals. To decide that someone probably has aspergers in order to excuse/explain their behaviour is unhelpful. It really requires a proper assessment.

agree with the other posts the possible Aspergers is a bit of a red herring, and doesn't really explain or justify his callous behaviour towards his daughters. I think he has to want to be a father - you can't supply that, i don't see the point in you cajoling him to maintain contact, it's not your responsibility.