Need suggestions for supporting DH waiting for test results

[alana39]

Have you done this? DH has been investigated for something very treatable but had a renal ultrasound this week and the GP called yesterday and said something abnormal was found and she would refer him urgently.

I know it might be nothing, or something very nasty, or anything in between so deliberately posted here rather than Health as I don't really want a conversation speculating about what the problem might be.

What I do need help with is how I can support him while he waits to find out. He is a natural worrier, whereas I tend not to get worked up about possible bad news until it actually happens, and judging by how upset he is now I think the next couple of weeks of waiting are going to be tough.

Any advice would be really welcome. Thanks.

must be really worrying for you both, and sorry you are going through it. I haven't ever been in that position, but would think about "normal" things to do which might distract him, even for a little while e.g. cinema/meeting up with friends/going for a walk or trip out?

Thanks lilolil, hopefully will be good weather for a walk in the woods or something.

maybe the "or something" will distract him

Agree about the 'take his mind off it' stuff - but also be receptive if he needs to talk about it. He may want to talk through the 'worst case scenario'. And be forgiving if he's a bit snappier than normal. Finally, make sure he's eating a good healthy diet - if he's worried he's likely to be either over- or under-eating as a result. He needs to eat well to give him the strength to get through whatever he might need to get through.

Just make sure you acknowledge his concerns. Listen to him, don't try to fix it unless that it clearly what he wants. Avoid being dismissive even if you don't share his concerns. Acknowledge, look at the actual facts if he wants to and go with his flow.

He may go down the What if? route. Allow him to. He may need to re-assurance that you would do x y or z in a worst case scenario. The worse thing for me when I was in a similar situation was when friends said like they do in films, 'oh, no I won't promise because it won't happen', I wanted to scream, 'Just fucking promise me, will you' as it was what I needed to feel settled.

The most important one, let him know how you feel too, and that you will be there for him whatever.

Thanks for that, he has picked up the report from the GP and there is a mass on one kidney. He said he couldn't help but think about the worst case, which I do understand (and I do realise that may even be a more sensible way to think than my head in the sand approach).

Partly I guess I just don't want to think of him being really ill.

I also can't talk to the people I would usually ask as they are his friends too and he doesn't want anyone to know yet.

Thanks again for taking the time to reply.