Slimming club stalker

[Justinabiba]

I have recently joined a local slimming club. There are a few blokes there and one has been making a nuisance of himself. He friended me on Facebook and has been chatting and making suggestive remoarks. I am married with a baby so really not interested at all. Speaking to some of the others he has been doing the same to them.
At first I was quite flattered. Feeling a bit frumpy after the little one was born. So to think someone finds me attractive and funny made me feel good. But to find out he has been doing the same to others really hurt me. When he first started chatting on FB he told me he'd never done it before, etc. I feel really hurt and foolish. I never said anything to lead him on and have since defriended him. But how can someone do that? Married women who then lose weight are very vulnerable. To be shown interest by someone ten years younger is very flattering.
I told DH who just called him a wanker! Not sure why i am posting this but just had to share it.

I am happily married and not looking for an affair. But the compliments did make me feel good. When I found out he had done the same to other friends it just annoyed me really. One has taken it further with him but since ended it. It just annoys me really that men prey on women like that. I don't know why it is eating me, if I am honest. I am quite sensitive and take things very much to heart. As I said when I told DH he just laughed. But why do some men think it is okay to do this?
He asked one of th women to send nude photos to him. Pervert!!

Thanks shineoncrazydiamond. That is really good advice. DH has been away a lot lately and I keep saying we need a night out together. I think that is all it will take. Just some more attention from DH. We both work and you know how it is with a child too.

Thanks Shiney! Yes I have defriended him. I just hope he doesn't move on to other women in our group. The funny thing is he comes along with his Mum!!!

Oh OP don't worry about it. Shiney is right. He is a chancer using a scatter gun approach in the hope of someone actually being interested. No doubt he has a skin like a rhino and won't be bothered in the slightest that you're not interested. Don't get upset about it, just ignore and forget. He's an arse and you know he is. He isn't worth your time.

Just as you've lost weight at the slimming club maybe so has he and this may have given him a confidence to chat women up that he never had before which may be why he's clumsy at it and getting carried away with himself by chatting up everyone.

I was that man once, never confident enough to chat up women as I assumed they'd not be interested. Slimming World and 5 1/2 stones lighter I chatted up plenty and cringe when thinking back how useless I was at it.

So you were pissed off by the scattergun approach, but not when you thought he was making suggestive remarks to you alone? I don't think I'd be laughing if I was your H, to be honest.

so you were happy to go along with it, until you realised you werent the only iron in the fire

rightio :)

So you thought that he fancied you and was hoping for something to happen and you are hurt to realise he was just flirting and trying it on like he does with everyone?

because? you wanted him to want you? you wanted to feel special?

Doesn't make you a bad person. Honestly. Are you feeling a bit unappreciated maybe?

But to find out he has been doing the same to others really hurt me When he first started chatting on FB he told me he'd never done it before, etc. I feel really hurt and foolish

I think you vested more into this friendship than you are willing to admit.

Why are you calling him a stalker? this doesnt sound like a stalker at all

quite the opposite. He wasn't as interested as the OP hoped/thought he was.

But I'm concerned for you Justinabiba - why this mattered so much to you that you are hurt like this.

I had a stalker once, and a friend of mine was stalked. Being stalked is terrifying. This guy is NOT a 'slimming club stalker'.

He is someone who flirted with you, tried his luck, then you realised that was all it was and you were a bit pissed off to find out that you weren't the only woman he'd tried it on with. I'm a bit also about the way you told your DH - did you tell him before you found out that you weren't the only one, or after? How did he react? How did you want him to react? Were you hoping he'd be a bit jealous - see how attractive you are now?

Either way, I think shiney has it right - what does it say about your life and your confidence that you are making such a big deal about this? Is it that you felt validated that he fancied you, and now have lost confidence again? I have total sympathy with that, but remember that your reaction to this is about you, not about him. He just sounds like a shy person with quite a sad life - attending a slimming club with his mum and chasing married women. Don't call him a stalker though, please. Not unless he is ACTUALLY stalking someone.

What everyone else said. I'm sure he won't be the only guy to chat you up - smile and move on.

Maybe invest a little more in your current relationship too - honestly, this man should barely register on your radar.

No stalking here?

You say you don't want an affair...........or wern't looking for one.........people hardly ever do. Many end up getting caught up in it.........think about it.

I'd say this guy has done you a favour. You were slipping very fast into "affair" territory there. Infact many would cay it probably was the beginnings of an EA. You knew the score, he was being suggestive, flirty, so you encouraged it by adding him on fb. You were his "first", now you are really hurt. That's a bit more emotional investment than you make out, no?

If you are so happily married and so dead set against an affair and all, why would this affect you so badly? Why would you even let it get that far.

I see a bit of a chancer and a probable plank. Not a stalker or pervet though. That is your "hurt" lashing out.

Look closer at your dh and yourself, do you have pnd?

Thanks to you all for your advice. I was very down yesterday and think I have over-reacted to the whole thing. I am thinking of going to the docs as have been feeling pretty low in general lately.

To be shown interest by someone ten years younger is very flattering.

Yes, it is, or by anyone, but it doesn't mean anything unless you give it importance.

What are you missing in your life, DH - who sounds great by the way, just laughing it off - or your new life as a new mother.

Having a baby is just about the biggest change your life can go through....

Please don't rise to the bait of these desperadoes....a grown man that goes out with his mum?

My God, Woman......RUN!!!!

But why do some men think it is okay to do this?

Cos the world is full of looneys, and the sooner you realise it, the better. Cos then you won't give them the time of day.

I think that would be a sensible move, Justinabiba. Hope things go well for you and you feel better soon. x