So confused- should i stay or should I go?

[TiarasTimeOutsAndTantrums]

Me and DP have had quite a few problems but he's trying to fix his issues. I can't muster up the enthusiasm to fix mine though. It's selfish of me but I just want to be me. Not part of me and DP. We've been together since I was 18 and for the last 4 years I've been helping him raise DSD and we've had our 2 DCs.

I love him but I can't shake the feeling that we are just flogging a dead horse. I'm sick of having to make conversation when he comes in from work when all I want to do is relax in peace or study. I don't really want to go out or do anything with him but I hate the idea of him going and meeting someone else.

If I end it he has to move out and won't see the kids as much which makes me feel like a bitch. He knows I'm not happy but wants us to keep trying. I'm sick of trying. We seem to spend most of our time trying and surely it should just happen?
I don't know what to do

Can you tell us more about the problems and issues you've had?

What are his issues and what is he doing to fix them?
What are your issues and why don't you want to fix them?

I've posted before about his excessive gym going etc and he just didn't bother helping with the kids and always telling me what to do etc. also flirting with other women via Facebook and text

Oh yes, I knew I recognised the name. He's also taking dodgy testosterone pills bought online etc.

You don't have issues; he does. End it. Move him out. Let go the guilt.

he doesnt see or interact with the kdis much now tho does he? too busy at the gym. he might have a better more meaningful relationship with them when he has them alternate weekends full on

Yes that's him!
Forgot to say. My issues are that I don't like going out at the moment. I'm on ADs and just feel anxious/worried about leaving the flat and having to talk to people. Just going to the shop for milk seems like a massive deal and it's something I'm trying to work on.
Also I just have a complete disinterest in life in general according to DP. I don't have any friends as I find it hard to talk to new people etc. it's a bit of a mess tbh

He's better with the kids now. This past week he's taken DS out for a bit and sat up 2 nights with DD as she's had a bad cold and not been sleeping. He just gets stressed quite quickly which makes me wary of him having them. I know he wouldn't hurt them but he shouts a lot and threatens to throw 2.8 yr olds toys in the bin for the smallest thing

I don't know your threads but I do wonder if your disinterest in things is because you're LAN Keres knackered from dealing with his issues and trying to study, struggling with depression and looking after small dcs.

It sounds like you've been doing this for a long time, is that right?

Do you think there's anything left, which could be revived?

It's been going on ages. Sometimes I think we could salvage something then the next moment I want to stab him or just run away

Do you think it's worth trying? You don't sound like you do, right now.

How long have you been together? How old are the kids?

Why do you have to make conversation when he gets home from work? Which of you thinks you should? Is it that you have nothing to say to each other? Is his day very boring and he tells you about it in minute detail?

Sorry to fire questions at you; I just want to understand a bit better.

4 year old DSD- lived with us from 5 months to 2 years
2.8 year old DS
18month old DD.

He moans that we sit there in silence but I'm trying to study or he's going on about the gym and I have no interest in it! I don't really do anything or go anywhere to have things to talk about which makes me feel crap.
I'm unsure as to whether I want to save it. I feel a bit numb and disconnected from it all right now and don't think it's fair on him to be with me when I'm like this

Sorry, I've just read a couple of your old threads.

Relationships aren't meant to be hard work. People have ups and downs of course, but your history with him would have turned me off him completely long ago.

Only you can decide really, though. He sounds like a twat who undermines you, and if it's not one thing it'll be another. If you were not using energy up on him, what would you be doing with it? Would your life be better? Would you gain confidence or lose it? Would you feel you were able to do what you want to do or hemmed in?

I think I'd feel free. But then again I may be using him as a convinient excuse as to why I'm unhappy and it might be I don't like me very much!
I just want the space to sort myself out. I feel like a mess and I used to be happy

As this has been going on for some while, and you have been thinking about things, I'm going to suggest something to give you some space/time to think:

Schedule 3x 2hour slots per week for you at the gym. Have an induction. Get some advice. Take some exercise. Use this time to be apart from the house and relax and give you space to think.

You will resist this suggestion at first, however, do give it serious consideration.

Your 'd'p is available for dealing with the children: I think this may, eventually, help you in doing what you need to do to help your situation.

Tiaras, I did an awful lot of my undergrad reading on a walking machine at the local gym.......

So when he gets back from work, you can upsticks to the gym while he does the childcare. You can walk with a pencil behind your ear and a paper in your hand.

The gym isnt within walking distance unfortunately and I don't drive. He's doing my head in tonight. I'm trying to study a very dull book on the European reformation and all I can hear is stupid noises from a game he's playing on his phone or random mumblings about the children in need concert

Can you go into another room? Do you have ear plugs? Could he use headphones on his phone?

Have you asked him to be quiet while you're studying? Does he understand and support you in your ambitions - ie, your reasons for studying?

I was in my final undergrad year when I married dh and he simply didn't understand - and couldn't cope with the idea that he wasn't always the centre of my world. Years on, and I'm studying again. This time, I explained to him very carefully that while I was studying he needed to leave me alone and not interrupt me. This time he seems to have understood. I didn't explain it to him the first time, because it didn't occur to me that I would need to! It seemed self-evident; it wasn't, not to him.

I was in similar situ a year go &I left, taking my toddler with me..hve now been 'single mum' for a year and as hard as its been it was the right thing to do as husband has FINALLY admitted that when I said being a mum was really, really hard, i was right..(he always banged on that as I "didnt work" my life was a joy!!) as he now has weekends, alone, with child
Also, it has given me time to also realise that yes a LOT of the problems were his fault but Ive learned to look at myself more clearly& see that I also added to my own unhappiness in some ways..my point is a 'trial separation' may be wht u need..will give him the kick up the a* he needs & you, some breathing space..just a suggestion, good luck

Can you get a bike? You need to get out and clear your head, get some exercise and air! A bike will allow that, and you can just go for a cycle ride, or cycle to the gym. If you dont feel like interacting with people, just do a cycle ride.

But you cannot just keep stewing at home!