NSA or Relationship??

[Contessa11]

Hi, I'm new to this site so please bare with me.
During the summer I met this guy off a dating site and I know it was a bad move but I ended up having sex with him on the first night. Following a series of messages between us we decided that we both wanted NSA. But it was another 2 months before we met again due to other committments in our lives.
I have decided recently that I don't want NSA anymore but I do really like this guy and would like a relatiionship with him. I've told him that I don't want NSA, and that I'm looking for a proper relationship either with him or whoever!. He has remained in contact with me and called to over last night for a cuppa. We started kissing and he did chance his arm on numerous occassions but I would not go any further than kissing. He left on good terms but I still don't really know if he just wants NSA or not because I seem to be getting mixed signals from him.

Was wondering if anybody had any advice or what do ye think??
Thanks for reading
C

What's NSA?

All sounds a bit crap really.

NSA = no strings attached

This is not crap!! I was under the impression that this is meant to be a helpful forum!

I also forgot to add that I'm in my late 30's & he's 3 years younger than me. Not sure if this makes a difference or not.
C

If you didn't meet for 2 months after the first time, he's probably married or in a relationship.

I think it's good that you have been honest with him about what you now want....I hope he feels the same. If he doesn't then you know where you stand & can put it down to experience & find someone who is looking for a relationship.

You will not get what you want from this guy. You have agreed to NSA, and that is what he will stick to, - don't think for a moment that, because you have said 'relationship' that sleeping together means he wants a r/ship too. He wants NSA, and thinks he can persuade you to sleep with him when it suits him.

Give up on this man. Forget 'mixed signals' - his signals are clear. The reason you think they are 'mixed' is because they aren't what you want to hear. You want him to be saying 'be my girlfriend' when he's saying 'I just want sex'.

Sorry to be blunt, but that is absolutely the case.

In saying "all sounds a bit crap", I was trying to offer (a little) sympathy, sorry you misunderstood. As in, your situations sounds a bit crap to me, as in unhappy, unfulfilling, uncertain.

Tigermoll offers good advice, I think. 2 months between meeting up = not that into you/him. When I've "clicked" with people, wild horse couldn't keep us apart for 2 days, other commitments get rearranged.

Sorry again, as it appears you thought I was suggesting that you were making it up.

Just ask him.

What did he say when you said you've changed your mind and want a relationship? If he didn't say "Me too! With you!" then you have your answer.

It sounds like the OP has asked him, - she made it clear she wants a r/ship, either with him or with someone else, but definitely not NSA.

The boy in question responded, not by saying 'Me too! Let's go on a date sometime', but by keeping in contact, by which I assume she means the occasional text/email to keep her as a sexual possibility, in case he decided he needed a shag one night. That night arrived, and he ended up coming round to her house at a later date and 'chancing his arm', ie: trying to get her to sleep with him. The OP reiterated her 'not interested in NSA' and eventually he gave up. The reason he gave up is because he's ONLY INTERESTED IN NSA, NOT A RELATIONSHIP.

Contessa - I was in what was perhaps a similar situation with a man, where we agreed to have an open relationship. He found someone else and ended it with me, the reason he gave being that because we had started out with that arrangement he couldn't readjust what we had in his eyes/heart. Fair enough. That might help explain things. Who knows?

Hi everyone, thanks for all your replies.
I was chatting to him over the weekend and I asked him what he was looking for from me and he replied saying that nsa doesn't bother him. So I told him that I was'nt interested in that and left it at that. On Tuesday afternoon, he sent me on a couple of hi, how're you texts and I have'nt heard from him since.
I just find it hard because we get on really well together but obviously not well enough. I do think like tigermoll said that he keeps in contact for a sexual possibility.
Thanks again & I'll post on here if anymore happens
C

p.s. ijustwannabeme.... I probably picked it up the wrong way, but you're probably right in saying that its a load of crap!!