decisions decisions

[mattsmithfan]

Hi all.. I have been married for 13years and we have 2 fabulous children..but...my marriage is a sham and I am so very unhappy. We do not love each other, we have nothing in common, we argue all the time, show no affection to each other and hardly ever have sex.

I think we have only been together this long "because of the children" (to use a cliche)! But the atmosphere in the house is not a positive one to be bringing the kids up in, and I can't help but think we would both be happier if we separated and gave the kids 2 happy homes rather than 1 miserable one.

I have suggested seperation before and the only reason he can come up with to stay is that he cant afford to leave, he is the main earner, i have a little part time job that doesnt pay much..so my main concern is how I could afford to stay in my home if he left. Does he have to pay the mortgage if he does leave, would I be able to claim enough to stay here?? I really dont know where to start!

I think a seperation is inevitable as I cannot see me living out my days with a man that I dont particularly like.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated...thanks in advance x :(

What a horrible situation for you to be in if not an uncommon one. I had a firen who was in a similar situation and the reality of her spilt, whislt horrible, has ultimately made her a happier person. Realistically though, you may have to give up you home if you want to spilt up. I know how difficult that must feel but if you cannot afford it alone, look for something smaller. My friend now lives with her two in a small two bed house and works nights to pay for it- it's a big step 'down' but a happier home for her and her boys. Don't waste your life being unhappy. Hth and muck luck and love to you x

Thanks so much for the advice shootfromthehip. Am going to look into all my options then make a decision over what to do. We talked last night, and he has said that its not what he wants, but he doesnt know what to do to make me love him again. I don't know the answer to that one either unfortunately, have suggested counselling but he doesnt want to do that... will keep you posted. Thanks again xx

The answer to your questions is to go and see a solicitor. They will be able to advise but as rough guide, whatever agreement you are arriving together is OK.
This depends on your H salary and his willingness to support you/his dcs financially.
As a general rule, I would say he doesn't have to pay the morgage. But you can have an agreement bwhere you stay in the house until the dcs are 18yo & pay the morgage. Then you don't have to buy him out iyswim.
Going to see CAB is also a good idea to see what you could be entitled to as a lone parent.
He will have to pay you some maintenance for the dcs, a % of his wage, dependant on the number of children you have together.

Get some advice.

You may not be able to stay in the home you are currently in, but the priority is always to insure that the children are as well homed as possible within the constraints on the money you have.
There is every liklihood that you will be considerably less well off than you currently are & may even have to consider working more. I work full-time now & am definitely less well off than I would have been if I stayed with ex-H - but I am so much happier & hand on my heart, I do think it has been better fro the DCs too.

thank you all so much...really appreciate your advice. As frightening as being alone seems the alternative scares me even more, so I am definitely going to be looking into my options further. Thanks again x