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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Crying need advice, long too, sorry x

16 replies

ConfusedGirlSuze · 16/11/2011 08:30

Ladies. I'm sitting here on the bedroom floor crying with a sore hand as I've been bashing things up. I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. As previously mentioned in other posts I have depression. One of the major reasons is the relationship with my Dad. {Loooong story found out he was having an affair, in a nutshell}. I've live with my boyfriend of a year - who is not very emotional. Last night - I asked him why we hadn't had sex - He said that he's repulsed by me. And that me having depression was a lot to do with it. I feel like it's so convient for him to blame me/my depression. He makes me feel like I'm a nuisance to him. So I cried - for most of the night. I tried to cry quietly. All I want is to be loved and feel safe. I feel so alone and I miss my Dad so much. He woke up this morning like a bear with a sore head. Cross that he was tired as I'd kept him awake with my crying. I apologised. And now I'm here. Alone in the house until he's home later on tonight 9pm and I don't know how I will get through the day. I love him but I'm so angry with him. Should I go back to my Mum's for a bit? Should I be thinking of ending it? I so confused and sad. My head is a bit sore foggy mess - I ask you with all you wisdom to help me. Help me through Wednesday! Love xxx

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Lightofthemoon · 16/11/2011 08:42

I'm sorry this has happened it sounds awful, what a cruel thing for your DP to say. Can you organise something to go out and do today to take your mind of things and try and clear your head?

I'm sure some people will be along with better advice shortly, take care of yourself.

destinyorfate · 16/11/2011 09:00

I know how you are feeling. I cried all through last night!

Have you seen a doctor about your depression? I have just made an appointment to go and see about anti depressants. I didnt want to go back on them but like you, I just cant face the day, and I am dreading tonight.

Go and make a cup of tea and come back and read the good advice you will get from these lovely wise mnetters :)

ConfusedGirlSuze · 16/11/2011 09:04

Thanks ladies. I've calmed a bit now. Going to make a coffee xxxx :)

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ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 16/11/2011 09:24

Suze what kind of professional help are you getting? (GP, meds, therapy)

bejeezus · 16/11/2011 09:26

it doesn't sound like your boyfriend is very nice? is he usually that mean? that kind of behaviour will be making your depression worse. Sounds like going to your mums for a bit would be a good idea

ConfusedGirlSuze · 16/11/2011 09:31

GP signed me off work yesterday and up'ed my dose of AD's. Had counselling but the course finished. Yeah he can be a bit mean. He sees it as 'being blunt/honest' I think's it's just not very nice. Yeah I think a few days with my mum would be good to. Bit of space for us both - Thanks ladiesxxx

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ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 16/11/2011 09:32

Can you request more counseling?

Spero · 16/11/2011 09:35

I am afraid he doesn't sound a very kind person and kindness is the bedrock of any relationship worth having. I know it's sometimes hard dealing with a partner who is having problems, but to respond in the way he did seems very cold and heartless. I think you are right to take some time and space to try to figure out what you want.

ConfusedGirlSuze · 16/11/2011 09:47

Yeah. He has Aspergers. So I just don't think he understands. He's texting me now. Saying that he's sorry and he doesn't want me to go to my Mum's. Hmm.. So maybe he's gone to work and his female colleagues have kicked him into shape ;) Yeah - I think I will organise some more counselling. I isn't going to hurt! xxx

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ImJustABloke · 16/11/2011 09:52

ImJustABloke but ... this guy sounds like he needs help. Nobody should tell their partner that they're repulsed by them, and you do deserve better. In fact any man who refuses sex has something pretty big ont heir mind, which is usually bad news - it's hard for men to think and do at the same time.

If you have 'Daddy issues' as you stated, you should get back into some sort of counselling. I saw a thing on BBC once about how people who have unresolved problems tend to gravitate into relationships which almost mirror those problems. I'm guilty of that too.

Don't stand for his crap.

Best of luck, stay safe

SolidGoldVampireBat · 16/11/2011 09:54

Please do organise more counselling. If you suffer from depression you are ill and you need proper help - friends, family and partners, even if they are sympathetic, cannot make you better just with love and patience.
Your DP doesn't sound like he's that much help, but it is difficult to live with someone who is suffering from a MH problem and sometimes partners and family do get a bit snappy because they are worn out.

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 16/11/2011 10:00

I think I will organise some more counselling. I isn't going to hurt!

Glad to hear it! Smile

ConfusedGirlSuze · 16/11/2011 10:01

Yeah. I agree with both of you. I know it must be difficult living with me. I do try though. I cook and clean and make sure there is always an amount of 'plastering on a smile' - so he doesn't come to home to a crying g/friend. Think that's why it annoys me even more when he blames me. Anyway - thanks again for all your posts :) I do feel better xx

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Spero · 16/11/2011 10:08

Glad you feel better. It is hard to be saintly and patient all the time, but if you love your partner, I don't understand how you could be so unkind. Why not just say 'I am sorry, I am not coping with this very well, I need some time out'.

But I think it is more important to worry about you now. I agree with everyone else, you need to get help and support and then you can unpick your relationship.

Spero · 16/11/2011 10:08

Not 'you' you of course, I mean him.

ConfusedGirlSuze · 16/11/2011 10:42

Ha, I got you! Yeah. I think that too - I don't really understand him x

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