Those of you with brothers, do you have a good relationship with them?

[Justonecheese]

I am from a small family, just me and brother, mum and dad. I don't feel particularly close to any of them sadly but I often find myself wondering what is "normal"?

I can kind of deal with the mum and dad bit (don't know how, just can), but seem to be more bothered by the relationship (or lack of it) with my brother. There is less than 2 years between us and he is in his early 30's.

Whenever I see him (maybe 3-4 times a year ) we get on really well, have a laugh etc, it's just that in between times there is no contact at all. Generally I will see him at parents so any arrangements are done via Mum. If there is any contact in between times it is always me instigating it - its starting to annoy me why it is never reciprocated. If I don't contact him then we just don't have any contact.

I think it has particularly bothered me since having dd - she is his niece after all - he doesn't seem interested in he one bit and that makes me very sad. She is two now and has probably met him around 6 times. He lives an hour away from us.

I wonder if it would change if he had dcs of his own (he doesn't at the moment) or whether this is what our relationship is always going to be like.

Do I need to get over myself and continue contacting him, be the "bigger person" and not mind that he doesnt contact me or is it ok to feel a bit hurt that it is so one-way? WWYD? I understand that he has a busy life etc etc but don't we all?

He is the kind of character who is very dominated by his GF, was mollycoddled by my Mum, and can never say no to anybody - don't know if any of this is relevant?!

Hope I have given enough of a picture - this turned out quite long so thanks for reading if you got this far :)

I have two younger brothers and think we get on better now as adults than we did as children!!!

As children think we just used to annoy each other but now get on quite well really, my brother who is closest in age to me has moved back to the local area and now settled, married and has a ds of his own so we are def a lot closer now as have children in common. My youngest brother lives further away but we skype and chat quite often. We are both quite laid back though.

I would be heartbroken if we fell out or lost contact.

1.5 years between my brother and myself. I have always been the one to maintain day to day contact and also the one that reminds him of family birthdays etc. Because it is such a small family I would love to have closer contact, esp because like you I have a dd that would love to know her uncle better. He is the same with all members of the family and just tends to get in touch when he needs something

He is however, there for us at the drop of a hat when he deems the situation serious enough.

My brother is a prize twat.

We were very close until 7 years ago when he disowned our family. He recently disowned his own daughter because she'd rather live with his XP. Now he disputes paternity because 'if she loved him she'd want to live him'. Despite this, if he needed me, I mean really needed me, I'd go to him. He's my brother and he's made some crap decisions in life and I can?t help but love him.

DH doesn't have a great relationship with his bro (18m younger). They grunt at each other at their parents' house.

Genetics doesn't mean you have to like each other.

3 years between me and DB - he is younger. I think we are close, certainly I turn to him for an opinion, advice and we chat about once a week. His wife is lovely and I love his DC's fiercely (as I believe he does mine)

My world would be very much poorer without him. Interestingly he is probably better at keeping in touch than I am!

gosh it's actually quite good to realise how many brothers, although lovely, are rubbish at keeping in touch.

I have 3.. two I'm close to, although they are rubbish at keeping in touch (lets try once every few months) but I know they love me to pieces; the third is just on another planet

I'm very close to my brother and we're in some form of communication a couple of times a week (he lives in a different country). But I think a lot of our closeness is down to a fairly complicated/unhappy childhood - I think my oldest DCs (boy/girl, now adult, 2 years apart) will probably have the same sort of relationship you describe in your OP. It is sad - but just being siblings isn't enough to be friends, and you can't force friendship, can you? Keep all the communication going that you can, take what you can from the relationship - i.e. enjoy what you do have. And remmeber people change - he might.

V similar family set up to yourself OP, but age gap is 3.5 years (I'm older) and B lives abroad. I have stages of feeling quite sad about it, once our parents die I very much doubt we'll have any contact at all. He never replies to emails, rarely telephones, rarely remembers anyones birthdays - which upset me when the DC's were younger, the few times they met him he would be full-on uncle, OTT pressies and attention only to ignore any contact they (esp DS) initiated once he had returned home.
I've stopped trying to keep in touch, it just seems pointless and one-sided.
So, no relationship at all, to the point that I'd say I was estranged from him.

Similar set up to your OP but in fact it's me that doesn't keep in touch. He lives a 10 min drive from my house and we rarely see each other. He usually phones me.
It doesnt mean we don't love each other as such but we are only tied through blood. If he wasn't family I probably wouldnt have anything to do with him as I don't really like him as a person. That would probably devastate him, so I say nothing. I think his wife is great though and we speak to each other most weeks

My DH has two other brothers and hasn't spoken to either of them in years - None of them like each other at all and don't even acknowledge each other on the street or if they appear in the same room together

Just because someone is family it doesnt mean that you have to like or be with some one. That old adage that says you can pick and choose your friends but not your family is true - but just because you share a few genes and dna doesnt mean that you have to get on with them

I have a terrible relationship with my brother, I tolerate him and am civil with him for my parents sake. My brother embodies all the traits I dislike in people. He is a shit father, crap son and terrible brother. If I never had to see him again I would honestly not be upset.

I feel awful for feeling this way as we got on when we were younger but now I see this was only because I did as I was told and walked on egg shells around him. I don't pander to him any longer and am much more vocal about how he talks to me and treats our parents and he does not like it at all.

My brother is 43 (I am 46) and we are both rubbish at keeping in touch - although we both know that we are always there for each other. He is bringing his new girlfriend to lunch on Sunday, I cannot remember the last time I saw him tbh - oh he should have come to DH's 50th in April, but was asked to work and he couldn't turn down the money (he is always skint). He lives an hours drive from us.

Thanks for all the replies - really interesting and helpful.

I used to have a good relationship with his GF but that seems to have gone downhill since the arrival of DD :(

I think if he was on FB that would really help but he hates it unfortunately.

I think I will continue to be the one that instigates contact and see how I go.

Although we get on well when we see each other can I describe my relationship with him as close if we have barely any contact in between? Probably not - I feel like I hardly know him and I suppose being close means you know someone pretty well.

Just feels a little superficial, which is sad.

The majority of men are not talkers, and gasbags, as much as women are. I have 2 brothers and they rarely phone. But we get on just fine and when we see eachother, it feels like yesterday.
My husband phones his mum weekly and his 3 sisters fortnightly. They talk a bit.
But most of the time, my dh does not talk on the phone. He is a 'Jim'll-fix-it'er", only tell him of a problem, if you want him to solve it. He phones his mates, on the rare occassion he goes out, and says " You out friday, o.k., swan at 8 then". That's it. the extent of the conversation !!
Me? I'm on the phone to my mum and my best friend for hours and hours and hours.
Could that be the core problem here?

OP, You have the same 'no contact inbetween' as CatinHairnet and I have. I think what we have is quite common. Take heart, its alot lot better than most.