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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Worried he will have a breakdown

18 replies

liverLadyLass · 15/11/2011 11:39

I'll try make this quick
We moved house as the current landlord wanted to sell up so we had to move within a few weeks!! Which we did spent a £1000 plus doing this new house up and know 3 weeks later The landlord is in debt and the house is being repossessed, so we have to move out!!
And to make matters worse my poor hubby's business is not been selling so there is no money coming in at the min, and Christmas well that's not even something I want to think about! My worry is my hubby's stress levels all this is going on and I'm in fear of him having a nervous break down!! He's self medicating again with his headaches n stress,he's taking strong cocodamol diazepam and red bulls to keep him going.. And to add to it all my three year old is I'll and up through the night as she has foot n mouth disease, I'm starting to think when is it going to all end?

OP posts:
ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 15/11/2011 11:42

I'm worried that you will have a breakdown. Take care of yourself.

Your DH should obviously not be taking ADs without a prescription. But you know that and he knows that. I hope he will speak to a GP and ask for the help he needs.

Original poster
liverLadyLass · 15/11/2011 11:47

Hi thanks for your comment,
He gets them from his mum who I have spoke to already about it, she still gives them to him but if I'm there makes out like she's being careful with the amount she's given him but I don't think she is as I've seen saches of different pain killers in his car, pockets etc he's away to bed at ten at night and has worked for weeks on end without a day off, I feel helpless

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Thingumy · 15/11/2011 11:51

He needs help with addiction to the meds.

Would he open up to his GP?

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 15/11/2011 11:51

His mother and he are both being highly irresponsible. Sadly, that's their lookout, as adults.

If you feel hopeless, would you want to go speak to a GP about your own feelings? You are under a lot of stress.

Original poster
liverLadyLass · 15/11/2011 12:04

I don't think he would, he had this problem a while bk with pain killers but resolved it himself, I feel helpless coz I cannot help the situation were in, im worried we won't be able to get Christmas presents for the kids as the money is tied up and if we don't sell some stock they'll not get!
I don't know what to do

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ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 15/11/2011 12:08

Accept this: I cannot help the situation were in

You can't change any of the facts. You can't help your husband in his own place. None of this is within your power and that's OK.

It's a frightening, destabilising situation, but it will pass. Just focus on keeping your own spirits afloat, please?

cestlavielife · 15/11/2011 20:25

go speak to your GP.
give your GP the information - then it is up to your GP to act or not though if your h does not seek help himself not much you can do. tell his mother's GP too they should not be sharing pills out...

if your h is acting weird or strange because of the pills then do call 999 and get paramedics along to assess him.

your dd is only 3. she is young enogh that she will be happy with a few gifts from poundland or second hand stuff from charity shops. boots has lots of 3 for 2 offers also argos has some really good ofers on. you dont need to spend much on her to have a ncie time - and you dont need to get presents for the adults .

Original poster
liverLadyLass · 15/11/2011 22:03

Thank you for your comments..
I am so angry with him right know I can't believe what's he's just said to me!??
Here I am worried like he'll over his stress levels and he goes and says that? Is it me who's out of order??
He mum has been helping me pack up the house and make dinners and help with the kids today.. Were all sitting having a carry on about all the bother that's been going on and Christmas came into the conversation, his mum said if we were struggling for presents that she would help us and we would pay her back, I said that could be a good idea as I was worried toys that the kids were wanting were slowly going out of stock, and he turned to his mum and said ‘and your wondering why im stressed and I'm so under pressure’ nudging his forehead towards me!! I said how can you say that? I'm the only one who has said things to try and make you feel better, like don't worry your Heath and ours is more important than a house and that I couldn't care were we stayed as long as we were together, I just can't believe he would state that I'm the cause of the pressure to his parents! I said ‘how dare he’ he didnt reply just kind of shrugged it off and his poor mum kind of changed the subject but you could see she felt un easy, I feel so hurt by his comment and embarrassed! When his parents left I told his I was just that and he replied that I knew how stressed he was and I talk about Christmas! I said that he was insisting it was my fault that all this was happening that the pressure was down to me! And he kind of agreed but didn't if you know what I mean , I feel so hurt and angry that I'm upstairs in my little girls room so an argument doesn't start,, am I making him worse? I'm so shocked!

OP posts:
buzzswellington · 15/11/2011 22:23

Well I kind of agree with him. You're planning to accept money off his mum that you'll have to repay to buy presents. Surely it'd be better to cut your cloth to what you have rather than creating a debt? If your dc is 3, then she'll really be happy with a few things to open, it doesn't have to be expensive. If you're in such a bind financially, you really need to be thinking of shortcuts and a budget Xmas, not taking money off his parents.

cestlavielife · 15/11/2011 22:25

how many other dc do you have? how old are they?
if old enough to want the latest whatever they also old enough to understand that santa doesnt have so much money this year.....

maybe it does sound like you obsessing over xmas? maybe xmas is last thing on your h's mind? he tryng to get thru day to day?

agree he was picking a fight but next time walk away - dont bite - "I'm the only one who ..." this way arguments lie...who has it worse? him? you? doesnt matter - you both in it together?

my exP never got christmas or presents - some people dont see it same way - but his mum has offered to help so problem solved right?

Original poster
liverLadyLass · 15/11/2011 22:37

His mum said that she can give us the money until we sell the stuff the kids Christmas prezzys are tied up in.. Then when we get the money in, we can give it her back that way the kids don't do without.. Her idea not mine.. I turned and said well and shuck my shoulders, like that could be an idea? Another option? Am I awful for agreeing with her that wAs an idea?? I feel terrible,, I've told DH constantly that his well being/ stress/ health was more important, I'm confused how DH can say that I'm causing his pressure as it the first time I've mentioned anything to do with Christmas...

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Original poster
liverLadyLass · 15/11/2011 22:38

Sorry I've an three year old and an soon to be eight year old...

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cestlavielife · 15/11/2011 22:59

he is taking out his stress on you; dont take it personally.

but you are doing all the work trying to boost him up right? and his response is taking pills - without talking to gp about it.

who is supporting you here?

tell him - he has to go see GP to discuss which medication will help him with stress/anxiety and get it properly prescribed.

see CAB/debt aviser/ someone to advise on housing etc.

Original poster
liverLadyLass · 15/11/2011 23:22

Thank you
I will speak to him he seems to be laughing at tv, just felt like I've been keeping all my worrys at bay to not make him worse and seek advice for me to help him and just felt a bit hurt

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Original poster
liverLadyLass · 15/11/2011 23:24

Continued.. Mn is a pain tonight..
By what he said,,,

He's on antidepressants as am I but for different reasons..

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Original poster
liverLadyLass · 16/11/2011 09:49

Hi mn
Last night when he came to bed he was nice to me, held my hand and said he loved me and I did the same. Things are different this morning he's more himself with me which I such a lovely feeling.. And I've not mentioned anything to him which is the way I'm going to keep it.. In the past month we've been broken into, into his work moved house twice and my kids are both ill, my dog was attacked and cost us a bit for medicine and the business has been quiet to add to it all,, then last night my mil's garage went on fire while she was here helping us! I think the stress of it all kind of came to a head last night but I'm relieved it ended in a cuddle,, thanks for your comments....

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 16/11/2011 09:56

you need to talk about those things and share your worries together - look for solutions together or just acknowledge each others feelings

Original poster
liverLadyLass · 16/11/2011 11:03

Thank you..
Think that's it he's a typical man who takes everything on and gets on with it.. Were as I'd prefer to talk and deal with it together.. Smile

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