Can you help me to stop feeling rejected by this??

[Jodyisagirlsmane]

Oh lord. I am a bit embarrassed.

Earlier on, I asked DP to marry me. He said no. Well, to be fair to him, he actually said 'Not yet'.

I am feeling sad and rejected, which I know is silly, because I know he loves me, and I know he wants to marry me eventually (we have talked about it and it is in our plans).

He also hurt my feelings a bit as he said it 'wasn't a proper proposal' - I actually think he thought I didn't mean it at first! We were just having a cuddle and I have been thinking about it recently, and I felt really happy, and it just sort of... fell out of my mouth So okay, there was no big speech or romantic gesture, but to be honest I have always disliked that sort of proposal, and always envisioned a more intimate proposal IYSWIM?

He has been very good humoured about it, but asked a few minutes ago if I was still angry with him - I had to explain that I'm not angry with him at all, just feeling a bit sad. I asked him to think about how he would feel if he asked me and I said no, and he said again about it not being a 'proper' proposal. I said I still meant it, but I still don't think he gets it...

Sigh. Anyways, I am not worried about our relationship, I am just feeling sad and a bit rejected, and far to embarrassed to talk to anyone in real life. I am hoping for some MN wisdom to help me stop feeling this way!! Please help!!

Hmmm. Well, I think marriage is too serious a matter to just casually ask someone. I think he was very brave saying no. He could have said yes for romantic reasons, then told you later he'd changed his mind.

I think you've got a decent man there. Just wait and don't ask again. If he doesn't seem to be thinking about it now, then there's your answer.

Maybe he feels he should be the one to ask at that is why it wasn't 'proper'. maybe he will surprise you sooner than you think in a 'proper' way now he knows you are upset.

Possibly he didn't want it to be known forever that he didn't do the asking IYSWIM.

I have definitely got a decent man, you're right there :)

I see what you mean about it being a serious thing... but we have had the 'serious' discussions about it. And I guess it's just not my style to go in for a big 'serious' proposal.

Like I said, I know we'll get round to it eventually, which is why I feel silly for feeling rejected. I guess it's just a natural reaction? Hopefully I will feel better in a day or two?

Haha maybe Bluebell! Especially seeing as I was the one who made us an 'official' couple. Maybe he just want's the glory for this one :)

Hmmm- I asked DP quite a few times when we first got together. Exactly same reaction- so sympathy. Hope you dont feel angry. I did! Anyway DP assured me we would....one day.

15 yrs, 1 mortgage and DS later... I honestly dont think he will ever want to. I gave up mentioning it quite some time ago, although he knows my feelings havent changed.

I hope you have better luck! (and FWIW we are very happy- guess you cant have it all, grr!)

Oh my dh asked me like this and i said no and gave similar reasons to your dp year later he pulled out all the stops with a very romantic proposal and i said a whopping great yes. He's right it's not a proper proposal it hasn't been properly thought through.