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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Will my best friend forgive me? Need advice pls

20 replies

sweety25 · 14/11/2011 19:16

My friend has being having an affair for three years I only found out last yr and in that time I have lied for her numerous times Ive onlly done it as she is my friend.
In August the whole thing came out and I for one was relieved as we work together and it was a relief that I no longer had to lie for her to her partner on the phone etc.
Recently she started talking to him again and i said nothing kept out of it but she knew how I felt about it. I was on facebook last month and was talking to a friend through msgs who knew about the affair and I said she was a mug as she was still seeing him. To cut a long story short my best friends partner hacked my FB account and I got dragged into again and had to call my best friends boyfriend and say I had got it wrong (even though I hadnt) I did it because she begged me.

So lately she was wearing new clothes again and going out a lot (her lover was really rich) and I knew she was seeing him again but she said she just spoke to him on the phone.

This morning she actually hacked my Facebook at work ( I dont know how as I changed all my settings) and I had been chatting to the same friend the last time I was hacked and my best friend got brought up again and I said it was still going on and it was like being a prostitute and she sleeps with him and he buys her things. I didnt mean it to sound like my best friend sleeps with man for money but I said to outsiders this was how it looked.

I really do love my best friend and I dont think she means to hurt people but she phoned me and is really angry with me saying I would not her like that if I was her friend and somehow everything turned out to be MY fault although if she never hacked it she would never have read it.
Ive said Im sorry but she plays the victim far too much and I have told her a few hom truths. Ive been her friend for years and she is the closet mate Ive got really I feel so guilty will she forgive me?

OP posts:

KatieScarlett2833 · 14/11/2011 19:19

Will you forgive her for hacking your FB account?

She's really angry with YOU?

FFS

FellatioNelson · 14/11/2011 19:21

Er...I can't follow half of this, sorry. How the hell do two different people both manage to hack your facebook?

Seriously, I want to know they do it.

TheProvincialLady · 14/11/2011 19:22

If my supposed best friend and her partner hacked into my facebook account or similar I would never speak to of them again.

purplepidjin · 14/11/2011 19:24

What Katie said - she has betrayed your trust, and if it were me I'd be refusing to speak to her.

I'd also be speaking to my/her line manager about her doing it on company time - in a lot of work places, using social networking sites is misuse of company resources. Hacking into someone elses on company time would be Gross Misconduct.

Don't forgive her, get angry. She's treating you like shit. How fucking dare she?!

Bibbo · 14/11/2011 19:25

it sounds as though she has taken the piss out of you a bit, tbh. Expecting you to lie for her?? That has got to be totally unacceptable surely.

You've been a really loyal friend to her but I think she is totally, totally out of order. It's up to her if she wants to be unfaithful but so wrong to drag you into it.

And why is she hacking your Facebook account? what is all that about?

I think you need to question what kind of friendship this is if she is getting you to lie for her. i know it's hard to lose a good friendship but you need to wonder how good it really is if she will do that to you [hugs]

FellatioNelson · 14/11/2011 19:28

Yes, ok, I've read it again and I understand it now. I cannot think for one moment how she can dare to be angry with you, under the circumstances, when she has been lying and expecting you to cover for her for years and now she and her partner have been somehow hacking your account and yet YOU want forgiveness?

You need to give yourself a good talking to.

AnyFucker · 14/11/2011 19:31

I would drop this friend, tbh

Do you thrive on this sort of shit ?

antsypants · 14/11/2011 20:17

The fact that she hacked your Facebook would be a deal breaker for me, never mind her forgiving you surely you can't be that desperate for the drama?

On the other side of things, I never say anything about a person that I wouldn't say to their face should the occasion warrant it, you were having a personal conversation with a friend, if she doesn't want people judging and commenting on her private life then perhaps she should keep it in her pants.

Hullygully · 14/11/2011 20:22

It all sounds jolly silly

Original poster

sweety25 · 14/11/2011 20:46

Hi thanks for reply

No I dont thrive on this Im sick of it we work together and Im really worried about going back to work because of this.
I did forgive her partner for hacking my account (although it was bang out of order) I knew he had trust issues obviously.

I dont know how she managed to hack into it today she must of somehow guessed my password? I dont know why I feel guilty but I guess I feel bad for slagging her off when Im meant to be her mate.
Ive deleted FB today as I feel I just cant use it anymore as Ive already changed my password due to her partner hacking into it.

If I didnt have to work with her my life would not be so shit right now . How shall I approach this at work? Im not going to report it whats the point

OP posts:

TheProvincialLady · 14/11/2011 20:50

She hacked into your account on company time - I'm pretty sure your manager would take this very seriously.

FabbyChic · 14/11/2011 21:11

How do they know your passwords are they a really silly ones? Id say serve you right you bitch for hacking my FB.

purplepidjin · 14/11/2011 21:38

You should not be suffering consequences - anxiety etc - for her behaviour. So you need to talk to your line manager about how you move forward in a team where someone has behaved so appallinglly towards you.

MenopausalHaze · 14/11/2011 21:42

When you say they 'hacked' your Facebook do you mean that you left yourself signed in and they went and had a good look? Otherwise I can't fathom the odds that two different people could guess your password that you've supposedly changed? It all sounds very childish and I can't help thinking you'd be better off out of the job and out of the 'friendship'.

MrsChinandlerBong · 14/11/2011 21:51

Could the friend you were messaging jaw forwarded your messages to your other friend? I too am a bit confused about two separate people managing to hack into your FB account .

Original poster

sweety25 · 14/11/2011 21:57

I still dont know how her partner hacked it I used her laptop at home about 6 months ago and somehow he did it from that.
With her I think google chrome saves passwords or something? I didnt leave the page open as I havent been at work since last week .
My friend who I spoke to 100% wouldnt of said anything . Im thinking unless my friend has seen me type my password and knew what it is I dont know.

I cant believe someone would do that still though I wouldnt dream of reading someones messgages on FB anyway.
As for leaving my Job its not an option in this current climate its something I will have to look at after Xmas.

OP posts:

stayfornoone · 15/11/2011 14:57

there is no hacking involved. I suspect what they are actually doing is gaining access to your email account. Like this...they try to log into your email, then click the link forgot password when they cant get in. They then enter your secret information (if this is your best friend, there is a good chance she will know your answers if they are easy questions!) then they can access your email. From there, they do the same with facebook...try to log in, click the lost password link and click to send an email to you, so you can change it. Job done. No hacking involved. I am not talking from experience by the way! A friend did it to me and this was how it was done.

I wouldnt want her for a friend anyways.

fuzzynavel · 15/11/2011 15:23

OP, what on earth are you allowing yourself to be drawn into such drama for?

I was once in the situation where a friend of mine asked me to be her alibi, I told her whilst I would keep her secret, no way would I lie for her.

Funny enough I didn't hear much from her after that

Robotindisguise · 15/11/2011 15:32

Grow a spine. Tell her she should be apologising to you. She clearly sees herself as the senior partner in this relationship, which means it's not much of a friendship in the first place. And if she doesn't like what she's found out? Tell her that's the thing about snooping, you might not like what you find.

Hissy · 15/11/2011 17:07

I would not give life-space to a person as crap as your BF.

Have you not heard the saying 'You can tell the (wo)man by the company (s)he keeps.

If I knew someone like the pair of you, I'd judge YOU as much as here for allowing her and enabling her. TBH, it'd be the biggest boost to your life if this BF didn't forgive you.

She spied on you, and now she has seen something (true) that she doesn't like. Too close to the truth for some people.

Ditch HER, she is TRASH.

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