Anyone here not wanted children and then changed their mind?

[Bluebelle38]

Just curious if anyone has been in a similar situation.

Very dysfunctional childhho - mentally ill sick mother and absent/womanising father.

I remember stating at 25 that I don't want children. Not that I don't love them, I do, but I havea real fear I think that the reason I don't want them is because of my own childhood.

I saw my mum struggle with 4 children on her own. I grew up believing the only person you could ever trust was yourself. My father never showed any real affection and I have totally cut him out of my life - that was over 20 years ago.

Recently I met a really lovely guy and I know he wants kids. We are both late-30s. I suppose when he said yesterday there was no spark for him yet I realised it is for the best. I'd never deny someone a family if they wanted it, not would I string him along.

I think it is only now I am realising that I have totally blocked off my mind to the idea and it is too late for me (I've just turned 39).

I also have been vigilant over the years with regards to contraception because I feared getting pregnant and being abandoned like my mum.

Anyone else been through anything similar? None of my previous bfs were 'father material' (deadbeats and cheats) so I suppose I only started thinking about it with this new person (who is now off the scene, btw).

Yep, I didn't want kids at all when I was in my 20's I was having a whale of a time, then as I hit 30, thought I would love to have someone who loved me despite everything, was in a long term relationship so came off the pill to see what happened, I fell pregnant then miscarried, I was heartbroken because deep down I had a whole life planned out for a LO, so 6 weeks later I concieved my DS, he is the light of my life, he's just turned 19 months and is fabulous, I couldn't live without him......

I don't think you can live in the past, you may have had a rubbish childhood but you don't have to inflict that onto your child, if anything you can give your child a childhood that you never had, children really are a godsend HTH

Good luck with your decision :)

Actually it isn't too late you still have 4-5 years left realistically if you wanted to have a child now.

I felt too untogether to have kids and was scared of other people's babies TBH, all through my 20's. Changed mind at 30 and had DS when 35 and DD when 39. OH was the one who didn't want them - took 2 years to talk him round, then I had sub-fertility issues.

forgot to add that I have split with Ds' dad but it's actually easier being a single parent, no arguements about what parenting decisions I make!

I didn't want children until I met someone who was suitable father material, I wasn't in thrall of my body clock and it wouldn't have been the end of the world if I hadn't concieved. In fact I was quite sure I wouldn't. 6 years after stopping using contraception I fell pregnant. I was 46 when he was born.

Thank you both for your stories.

Hoops - it always makes me smile when I hear people describe their children as the light of their lives. I never felt that and imagine your little boy is a very happy child. That's so lovely.

I was never in a real loving relationship, so I suppose that is a huge part of it.

My head is a bit muddled as I have known this guy a matter of months but only met several times and yet felt more cared for than anyone else in my relationships. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying I'd go and have a baby with him :D I am just thinking things now that I never really considered before

I have always said no way and now I am wondering if that was all bravado so I felt in control of my life.

I have been told many times by friends it's a shame as I'd make a great mum. I just feel too damaged if I am honest :(

Violetwellies - wow. I know people say it can change when you meet the right person... and it seems true for you. That's a really lovely story :)