Husband left me at 5 months pregnant, it's been 3 weeks ago now.

[biyboo]

Husband left me at 5 months pregnant, it's been 3 weeks to the day. My body is taking all sorts of shocks. I have panic attacks of short breathing and dizziness, then really feel like I am going to be sick and see myself scrambling off the bus running into a bust cafe or pub and screaming to anyone to help me from falling to the ground. I am wide wake at 3 am, this goes on for days then my body crashes during day or have a deep sleep such as 9pm to 8am. I don't want to aet but am for the baby and am scared that I may lose it. This is my biggest fear.
H came to house on Sun last week almost as if all normal, I was polite but quiet and kept out of his way, Sadly this confused me and I felt warm and happy to just hear him moving about kitchen downstairs and after he left I went to bed with false hope. I was desperate on mon 11pm at night, my tum is stretching and growing, all new to me and so sad I was sobbing and called him to say no one was here to rub oil on my tum and I felt so sad and that I could not go for a divorce with a pregnancy too, my first, our first. He did not care, he said it would be alright and in the same breath in a cold nasty tone, well, you are reaping what you sowed. I felt cut in to pieces, smashed and so so very stupid and low to a point where I believed him for split second but then knew my heart has always been cleah for us/ for our future.
Dear all MN mothers I am due mid or end of march and if any of you live around angel, stoke newigton I would love to meet you in your tea groups. I want to focus on baby and talk to other mums/to be so it can me to stop thinking of damage he has caused and send positive vibes to little one growing in me. Have met with 2 very lovely mums and it has given me enormous hope but would like to meet more nice people.

Ah, that is so sad. I really think you are doing the right thing by reaching out, you need support. I hope you get some replies from people living in your area, big hugs to you and your little baby.

Have you seen your GP about how you feel ? They might be able to assess/ help deal with your panic attacks. They might also be able to put you in touch with local support groups. Is there a children's centre or surestart near to you ?

Your H sounds totally heartless - sorry that you are having to deal with this alone.

You poor thing. It sounds like him being around isn't doing you any good at all. If he's going to be so horrible to you why is he coming round to see you in the first place? Better to tell him he's not welcome as the false hope is just going to confuse/upset you further.

Have you tried getting in touch with Gingerbread the single parents' charity? They might be able to put you in touch with some other single parents in your area?

Hunni, you sound so sad so I just wanted to send you a cyber hug! ((x)) I am glad though that you are feeling this love & protectiveness for your unborn baby this shows you have to strength to get through this horrible time. I too & am 5 months pregnant & alone, it is hard & I felt at 1st very sad that my baby will have half of what created him missing but the more cold & horrible the dad is to me now makes me glad we are not together & also gives me the strength to do this on my own. He has said he wants nothing to do with his son after he is born which now is fine by me!!! I also think the terrible way your h is treating you that he may well be the same towards your baby, sounds as if he is totally devoid of any feeling right now, so be prepared for that. I really hope things work out for you x

I remember your previous posts. So sorry to hear you're feeling so desperate still.

What on earth did he mean by, "you're reaping what you sowed?" Is he blaming you for all this?

Yes he is throwing all his sick childish insecurities in to the face of his 5 month pregnant wife. I always said lets go counselling, I would pay for half, I said this also at times when I had no job and meant it but he said he would use it as a way out of marriage, after hearing this I felt more saddened and said what was the point to waste money when he was saying this. This islolated me more, I felt ashamed to tell anyone in fear of having a break down. Isloted too just knowing he had cut off the life line of a counsellor.
He even said recently that we could play happy families as he has no intention in telling his father about the divorc which I know in time he will blame me for. I feel ashamed at myself for calling him this mon past at 11pm crying and sobbing that there was no one who would be rubbing oil on my bump and that I had to do this pregnancy and cope with divorce on my own. This is when he said I was reaping what I sowed.
I am an idiot as I even out of kindness this tues past, did a wash of his white towels, socks and under wear as it is probably not nice to hand anyone a dirty bag of washing. I am a fool but I don't have a cruel soul. I know that there comes a point where you have to cut all ties with a sick people but all this is raw. I feel like I have to apologise to everyone. He has crushed everything in me and I feel strongly that if I lost the baby now, and this is the last thing I want, he would be pleased/relieved.
I feel like I am sitting in a gutter. This is hard.

He is being cruel & heartless & I am sure now that you have seen this side of his character you have lost lots of love & respect for him but you are so vulnerable too being pregnant. If I was you I would try to treat him with the same coldness as he is treating you with this would save me some pride & self respect. Some people like the power of thinking you still want them & get off on it so even if you do want him back don't show it, try to gain some control over the situation it will make you feel stronger. You by the way are not an idiot you are a kind caring human being he is the idiot. x

This is one of your previous posts: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1329800-Husband-has-left-me-while-am-5-months-pregnant-with-first-child

As there's space on each post for 1000 responses threre's no need for you to open new posts just yet and it will help others if all the responses you've received can be seen in their entirety.

Although he may have refused counselling, is there any reason why you can't attend counselling on your own?

I tried to find the original thread but for some reason I could not. Thank you for pointing out about 1000 response to each thread. My world, life, future has suddenly changed in the most awful so sorry for making a mistake and starting a new thread.

Don't worry, honey. You haven't made a mistake - but by the time we get on his case, he'll know he's made a huge error of judgement!

Would you like me to link it the other way round? i.e link this short thread to your longer thread which will bump the longer one up to the top of the board?

Thank you and I am sorry but for 6 years I have been pushed around by him and his family and sometimes while giong through this, I am at a breaking point.
I don't know how to join the link and thanks if can do this for me. Will it show up highlighted in purple on first page of list of threads?
My eyes are not even focussing properly as I have headaches and eyes sting all the time from tears.
I wish him a long long life, even 100 years and I hope he has many thoughts in the day/ night eating away at his treatment to me and running away from an unborn child.
I also wish he has nightmares every night like I am having, where he sneaks and creeps around me stealing my things and feelings. I would hate to be him. He's 38 and does not know how to hug or trust. He had the nerve to tell me less than a day of vanishing that I would be okay as the neighbourhood cat would be there for me and that in a day or two I would be alright.
I feel exhausted and have a divorce where I know he want to push me and the baby far far down in.

I know and thanks as it is good for me to hear this from others perspectives and I would say the same to anyone going through this.

I did decide this week that this person will only harm me and growing baby and now time to have no contact with him.

This is hard and still so new and I am human who's needs have been ripped out. All I wanted was affection and to talk sometimes and he denied me these.

If I talk and sound like a weakling, I have to as am being honest and I know it's part of my recovery from this. It's not about him anymore but I need to see my journey, how I got to this sad place. Life is about learning isn't it and unfortunately for me I have had to go through this ugly time for almost 6 years. I know my heart and soul wanted some truth and honesty right from the start and through to the end and this person could not do even try to do that. This makes me light years ahead of him. I can let good things in, he can't, how sad for him.

Most people who met him did not get a good vibe from him. I know I made excuses and covered up for him. If you look up narcissistic behaviour and emotional abusive men, well that's him in a nutshell.

Hi there, I'm really sorry to hear this, and I think I may have some understanding of what you are feeling. I am 15 weeks pregnant and have just been left by a much shorter term partner. I have another thread going about it, 'It's all gone wrong again', where I have had some really useful help and advice and support.

I have 2 other children from a previous relationship, whose father left when they were about to turn 1 and 2, and I was utterly devastated, it took a while but 2 years later I had come through it all pretty well. I then made the mistake of trusting another tosser!

My point is you can do it, I thought I couldn't last time, but I did, and I will do again. Honestly I was in pieces 3.5 years ago but it will be ok. You are certainly not a weakling, you can be strong.

Thank you and so sorry for what you been/going through.

I hope we come out of this stronger, know we will but my God the pain, my body/face physically hurt through this.

hey Biyboo,

how are you doing today?