One strike and you are out?

[TheOriginalFAB]

Is that how you live your life with a friend?

I have done something (not relevant and won't be saying what it is other than to say I passed a message on to someone that their relative had behaved badly) and my friend has not spoken to me since, in any way. I regret what I did anyway and this is just another part of the wish I hadn't done it.
25 years of friendship gone .

Someone did that to me! Friends all through school, forgot to call her one Sunday after I had to move in with my gran due to my dad being ill and having to sell our business/ house and she totally cut me out of her life!

For that!!!

I tried numerous times to apologise and reach out despite it being a genuine mistake and she didn't want to know!

I still think about her sometimes as I had counted her amongst my best friends, but sadly it was obvious it affected me a lot more than it affected her

It's hard to say without knowing. Did you tell your friend's relative something about your friend? Did you do it in her/his best interests, or was it when chatting?

I think so much depends on what you said and what the fall out was, really.

This was 8 years ago and still makes me so sad. I hope she comes round FAB

Hard to say.

You would hope that with a friendship that long your friend would come to you and ask for an explanation so you can at least attempt to keep the friendship.

Were you more of a friend to her than she was to you? Perhaps she doesn't see it as as big a loss?

Of course there are sometimes that people do things and that should be it. No contact ever again. Your friend may think that this is one of those things.

the messenger always gets shot.

Sorry, it was nothing about the friend who won't now talk to me or her relative.

Slorry to hear that Kayano.

I think we can take for granted how friends feel about us. things happen and peoples true colours are shown, or sometimes people just change. when you love them so much it can hurt like a divorce. maybe write her a letter. even if she never speaks to you again she will know you are sorry

Of course it could just be that she is really busy and hasn't got round to replying yet but I would normally get a response by now. TBH I feel lonely at the moment - I am in a lot of pain an dmy closest friend is really ill - so need to just stop worrying about this I think. It is either over or it isn't.

It is hard isn't it. From what you say, it really doesn't seem as though what you did was even anything to do with her, let alone enough to cause her to cut you off. OTOH, I did cut a friend off after 'just' one incident. We had been friends for over 30 years and I always regarded her as my closest friend. But then she told me a lie, which was hurtful enough ( can't say what about in case I out myself, but it was a big one) and then, as a result of that lie, she allowed me to look like a fool in front of a crowd of people. And that hurt as well. I am afraid that after that I could not believe she was a friend and I decided to cut her off. It was a tough decision to make, but I felt it was the right thing for me.

I can't answer for your friend, but if she is like me, it won't have been an easy decision and I think you have to respect that.

Thank you for posting. I gave her an out, (sorry, forgot that bit) but I suppose I expected a response even it was to bog off. I respect she has her own decisions, just would have preferred to know.

Obviously, as I said, it doesn't sound to me that what you did was a reason for her re-action. However, I have to say that when I cut my friend off, I couldn't bring myself to speak to her at all, so I am afraid I did what your friend is doing - I ignored her efforts to contact me until she got the message. My reason for that was that I had been so hurt by what happened that I knew if I spoke to her, I would have cried and after being made to look a fool by her once, I was not about to do that to myself again.

It is now over 12 years since it happened and I believe I made the right decision, though I can't say I don't miss our friendship. But clearly it wasn't the friendship I thought it was or it wouldn't have ended like that.

Sorry for you.

Just had a text with no mention of what I did and the fact she hasn't replied to my few messages.

The text you have just had - could it be her drawing a line under what happened as it were?

Do you need to "have it out with her"? Is the latest text friendly and in a tone of wanting to move on? (hard to tell by text sometimes isn't it?)

I am not going to mention it. I couldn't stand to have a row by text and I have few mates as it is.

If the latest text is fairly friendly, then perhaps see how things go with the friend (without bringing the subject up again).

Sometimes there can be misunderstandings and people make mistakes, perhaps she is acknowledging that by replying to you?

It could be she didn't have that much of an issue at all but my needyish text was a bit annoying so she ignored me. Surprised she ignored the ones relating to my child though.
I regret what I did but don't know whether to say so. Would prefer to not think about it. She is really important to me but I wish I felt equal to her.

In what way do you not feel 'equal' to her.

It's not a good idea to have 'friends' who make you feel 'less' than you perceive them to be.

I wonder why someone like her would want to be friends with someone like me. She is very pretty and slim, has her head screwed on, knows her own mind and is very together and confident. I am non of those things.

Have a self-esteem boosting ((hug)), FAB. You are lovely just the way you are, and your friends probably value you more than you seem willing to accept.

Thank you.