I just want to talk about how crappy things are and what I should do to change them

[broadstablebase]

Well I can't tolerate my partner. That is the biggest issue. I want to leave him. I have just embarked upon a highly competitive degree however and if I leave he will not look after our kids purely to spite me.
I have been waiting ten years for him to man up and support his family. About 2 years ago at the height of his twattishness I realised he would never change and I was better of out of it, but inertia has crippled me. I thought I had depression but it turns out I have quite a bad case of adult ADD, plus living with his abuse and depression has brought me down. Every day I am in from college to be told how deficient I am, how I don't care about the children etc.. He exists in a cloud of hash smoke.
He used to have little interest in the kids himself but has been decent with them while I am at school, saves up the bile for me :(

Sod everything else - the dope smoking would have had me and my bags packed the first time he did that. Or his bags, if the rental agreement was in my name. You really want that around your kids?

How old are your children?

If they're pre-school, is there a creche at the university?

If at school, and if you're doing a full-time course, couldn't they go to afterschool club?

Sorry, I am asking questions not giving answers!

Ah now the hash thing is evenings only, and in defence it is due to a chronic back condition ; but the focus of his day is packing the dc off to bed so he can slip ot the back for one. I don't drink, smoke or use anything myself btw.
He is however problematic when it comes to alcohol ie cannot drink in moderation and becomes aggressive and paranoid because of this . I will not allow alcohol in my house as far as he is concerned, hence my not drinking at all as oppose to previously wher I would have a couple every now and again, thus giving him an excuse.
House in both names btw.

But can you answer the questions?

mumblechum dcs between 4 and 11. Not in uk so thins different as regards university, and nature of my course means that I go on placements at all hours, nights weekends etc.

So basically you don't have a partner, you have a rather bad-tempered, self-centred live-in babysitter. Wouldn't an au pair be nicer, probably more reliable and possibly even a bit cheaper?

sorry am a bit out of sync with you.

I am so worn out with it all Annie.

Sorry - I'm just not buying into the dope smoking for medical reasons. Thats an excuse. And its not fair to bring children up in that atmosphere.

and a babysitter doesnt accuse you of only attending school so that you can sleep with other men :(

Au pair sounds like it could be an option? Would you get state benefits where you are? Does your partner work?

To be fair, cannibis is a pain killer, and quite a safe and effective one. However, that's not really the main issue here. BSB, have a chat with the welfare officer or whatever they call them these days at your college, find out what help/benefits you would get as a single parent; tell them that your partner is abusive and you are going to separate. Then find out the legal position WRT throwing him out of the house. If he;s a dope-smoking alcoholic who is verbally abusive it shouldn't be that difficult to get rid. Best of luck.

sounds like a massive knob. is there somewhere related to the uni you can go for advice about money and practicalities? would you consider telling us where you are?

If he is putting you down and it sounds like he is doing this because he does not amount to much, then sod him! Leave him.

I am at college full-time and am going to go to Uni next year and I am a lone parent with 3 kids - you can do it too!

You don't need him, you have the childcare grant for that, you will get financial help with childcare costs. You may even get an extra allowance for being a single parent.

To stay with him because of childcare issues is not a good enough reason. You can change this and you can do it now, be the role model your kids deserve and show them that a) you are strong and b) this is not how women are treated.

Seriously, what have you got to lose????

Somewhat more constructively, you can get loads of advise from student services, the CAB and the lone parent advisor at the Job Centre.

She can't if she's not in the UK, SHA.

Agggh had huge reply typed and it disappeared.
basically what SGB said cannabis is not the issue; far from it.
Will deffo see the welfare officer at college.
My options really seem to be either quit my course, move back home and try to get on the UK equivalent .
Or try and get private rental over here bigger than my house so can get an aupair.

BB, oh bum, I didn't read that bit. well, I hope there is somewhere you can go for more support and advice, keep strong and you can change things xx

chronic back problem.... AMYTRIPTILINE????