How can I let him down gently?

[Beaverfeaver]

I am in long term relationship with DP. We are both happy.

We both have friends of the opposite sex, and that's always been fine. We both trust each other.

But one of my male friends has recently told me that he has always liked me in a special way and wants to take things further. He also has a long term partner.

I don't know how to handle this. I love him to bits as a friend, but that is all.
I don't want to push him away so that we are no linger friends, and this was only mentioned after a few drinks one night, so at the time I told him that he doesn't really mean it as he was drunk and he would regret it if we did.

I know it will be mentioned again, so wondering whats the best way of letting him down gently without hurting his feelings too much?

? He is coming on to you while you are both in relationships and you are worried about letting him down gently?? Tell him to stop being ridiculous and get a grip. he should not put you in that situation again.

he doesn't sound like a great friend tbh
I'd distance myself from him
I couldn't be friends with someone who a) was happy to cheat on his long term partner and b) didn't have any respect or affection for my dp

I think you have to be prepared to hurt his feelings, and to not feel responsible for them.

How he feels about you rejecting his advances is up to him - if he is hurt by you stating that you do not want to take things further with him, then so be it.

Yes, it will be a shame if the friendship ends because of this. But again, that will be the choice of one or other or both of you. Are you planning to treat him any differently in the aftermath? If he is, that's up to him.

As to how you tell him: be honest. "I love you as a friend, but that is all. I am happy in my relationship with DP."

I think saying no thanks i'm very happy with mu partner is letting down gently enough. He has taken a bit of a risk he must be pretty prepared for you not to be interested, unless you have given him reasons to think otherwise.

Thanks for the replies. Very sensible.
I have so many mixed feelings about it.
On one hand I feel flattered (I don't think I am a very attractive person), and I also feel that he had strength to tell me how he has been feeling for so long, then I feel sorry for him that he feels this way, then I think that he was drinking so maybe I shouldn't think anything of it. He doesn't know my DP so he has no affection there.

I would make sure I wasnt in a lone situation with him when he has been drinking.. at least not for a while.

If this happened to me, I would feel very uncomfortable keeping a close friendship with this person to be honest.

This doesnt sound like a drunken "ahhh but I have always fancied you.. hic" sort of blarney, and more like something that has been on his mind for a while.

If he does mention it again, I would be really really firm and say that he is compromising the friendship if he carries on like this.

youtalkintome - it came as a complete surprise to me. I have known him a long time and see him often, but never got the impression that he likes me in that way. I equally havnt done anything that would make him think otherwise. I fart, burp, be messy, dirty, scruffy & rude in front of him.

Just don't ever mention it again. If he does, say 'I told you [gloopyface]] I love my H and don't think of you that way,' and change the subject. If he persists, tell him you can't be friends any more if he won't respect your feelings.

It is a bit stressful to be the recipient of unrequited lust, because it always feels that whatever you do is wrong, somehow - but the bottom line is, he is responsible for his own feelings.