Can I have a hug please?

[ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged]

I'm exhausted. I'm sure many of you will recognise this & I know it is simply part of having a child (a child who i adore by the way, i'd do anything for him) but I just need some sympathy...

LO is 3 months old and ebf. The longest he has ever slept for is 4 hours in a stretch. The longest I have slept for is 3 hours. There's been one occasion in the last three months where I woke up naturally (without being woken up by a crying baby or DP saying 'LO needs a feed') LO woke up every hour last night so I'm shattered.

DP went out for a run earlier & got home about 5 mins after I'd got LO off for a sleep & drifted off myself. He woke me up to remind me that we have friends coming over. I KNOW! I know they're coming round. But I really, really, really need some more sleep.

Did I mention I'm exhausted? I don't need advice or strains of 'leave the bastard', but I'd really like some sympathy. Please?

((hug))

Oh that sounds horrible. I am sorry. Make sure you cram every second of sleep you can in during the day. Make sure your DP knows that doing all the housework is totally out of the question atm.

Aw sweetheart it's crap sometimes. The best and worse times of my life have been when I've had a small baby. I promise it does eventually get easier though. ((((hug))))

Btw tell your Dh I am cross with him for waking you!!!!

God sleep deprivation is the pits. Muchas sympathies. xx

Can you express? Get him to take her somewhere. Out of the house, for a few hours, preferably 6. He needs to be somewhere you are not, so he can't wake you to deal with her. He should be able to get her to settle with a bottle of EBM and if that's not an option, take her in the car or something to get her to sleep.

But you need to get more sleep. It is the weekend. Do't do anything apart from try to sleep.

((hug))

Thank you. I needed that. Just realised I posted in 'relationships' when I meant to post in 'sleep' (a symptom of sleep deprivation or a sign that I need to Have A Word with DP!) so thank you for being sympathetic & not calling the thread police.

DP came in from his shower to find me crying in bed so gently took LO from me & steered me towards the shower. It took every grain of energy I had left to get up & into the shower but I feel marginally better now. This too will pass eh?

You can have a huge hug from me. . It will get better. I remember breastfeeding DD3 in tears most nights. Now she's a lively 2.8 year old and the time has flown. If you are really struggling sit DH down and have a good talk. Men tend to not notice when we're falling apart.

Have to add that I'm still in my pjs exhausted but yes, it will pass!!

oh you poor thing. DS didn't sleep for more than 3 hours for ages either, it is the pits.

I second what was said above about your DH taking DD OUTSIDE with a bottle of EBM and the option of a nice long car ride to calm her down. It sounds a bit like he's handing you the baby for a feed whenever she gets grumpy, something my DH did for a while when our baby was new and we were generally panicked. I think he got a 'stop him crying!' response, and just gave me DS... even when he didn't want a feed. Eventually I said "Look, I need six hours of sleep, you need to parent alone for six hours, here is food, go away and just do it."
DH left with the world's most well-stocked nappy bag and the baby in a sling- and it was BLISS!

Also, if you're BFing and doing all the nights, your DH needs to be your sleep-defender. Your sleep advocate. The person who gets up early and gives you an extra hour of kip, the person who does the washing upso you can get to bed first. That is absolutely paramount, he has to be on your side and thinking 'how can I help #ATruth# get a bit more sleep?' all the time. He has to make it his focus, he has to be on your team. That's how you don't end up resenting him for not lactating in my limited experience.
Many hugs and good luck!

( should add, this evens out. We're nightweaning our 16 month old now, and so DH does ALL the nights. THat means that (it's 6.25 am here) I am the one getting up with the baby and he's the one who gets to sleep in till 9. The weekends are vital for catching up!
x

big hug for you my second my DD was a not sleep for longer than 2 hours at a time for the first six months and with a 4 year old aswell i was exhausted, but it does get better

I know how you feel. Have 4yo DS and 8mo DD who is a boob freak and will not accept bottles or cups and wants mummy all the time. After originally lulling me into a false sense of security by sleeping really well for a long period of time we are back to the waking evey 2/3 hours and I am shattered. I'm hoping it will get better soon! In the meantime BIG HUG.

I second what Nagoo said. Express if you can, then your husband can do a much fairer share of the feeding. Your baby will still be getting your milk, but you dont have to be the feeding receptacle.

Even if you can do that for just one feed a day, that will give you a much needed break.

Thank you again for the hugs.

I got up, had a fun afternoon with our friends and have spent the evening watching X Factor and reading 'The No Cry Sleep Solution'. Following that I've written out a vague routine (including specifying that DP gets up with LO when he wakes in the morning) and chosen three simple techniques to try first to help LO sleep for longer stretches overnight. I've also written a list of all the wakenings I did last night (seeing it in black and white had the desired effect - DP had no idea quite how often I was waking up)

So, onwards and upwards. I will get more sleep. Maybe not tonight, maybe not tomorrow, but sleep will come

To those of you who very sensibly suggested a bottle. Thank you, but I am blessed with a stubborn little boy who knows what he wants and it is not a bottle. We've tried three kinds already and have just ordered another kind online. Admittedly, we haven't really pushed it, but I think after today's meltdown DP realises it needs to become a priority so will hopefully try a little harder.

Do you co-sleep? Either or night or in the day. I know it doesn't work for everyone, but when it does work well, it's possible to get a restful night's sleep and to fall back asleep very quickly after a feed. And mine never woke up for his feeds so no crying, no getting out of bed.

ive been there myself and the bit of advice i would give you is start to push the bottle, im still bf and he hates a bottle and hes almost 14 months! not saying it will be easy but let dh givehim the bottle ive been told babies can smell the breast milk. that way dh can do some feeds and you can get a break, though again from my experience there is no magic one fits all solution, once you get to six months and start introducing solids you may see a longer stretch ... although again mine preferred bmilk for a long time over food. i have been through this twice and can confidently say that, although you feel like crap now, you will ride through it as the child grows in develpment. sorry if this is not super helpful just sharing!

Ugh it is just horrible. My DS was a horrendous sleeper for the first 9 months of his life, then just about the time he hit ten months he suddenly started sleeping 7-5/6. It sounds weird but the first week of having a full nights' sleep every night nearly killed me! I was so used to getting up during the night that I think my body was totally confused and I felt severely hung over every day. That soon wore off and now I feel normal again. I look back on the tough nights and I remember how I thought it would never end. Now that he's nearly a year I feel like the time has flown incredibly quickly - it's so odd how your perception changes things so much!

I agree with the others that your DH needs to be on hand to pick up the slack for you. Yes your LO needs a lot of feeding but there will be times when he's just chilling out and during those times he needs to be off you and with your DH, preferably away from your earshot. Just being around a small baby is very tiring as your brain is always on and you can't relax. Your DH needs to realise this and ensure that you're at least getting time to unwind in between feeds if you're not getting any actual sleep.

One day the fog will lift and you'll start to feel normal again. Of course if you're anything like me, that'll be the exact time you'll start thinking "Ooh it'd be lovely to have another..."

good luck with "No Cry" OP - we didn't have immediate magical success, but we did find some things (Pantley Pull Off etc) really helped us over time.
Sending you good sleep vibes!