Recently I split with possibly my ideal man as I don?t think that we clicked, and now I don?t know if I have done the right thing.
We have our small problems, like all relationships, and the arguments we have push us apart. I haven?t been in a relationship that has so many arguments, but always about the same thing. I wish he'd just get over his issue, and be normal. I can?t argue with him anymore about the same rubbish, it stresses me out, and I have other worries like the children, work and money that are more important right now. He seems to be able to forget the arguments and look at us through rose tinted glasses, and I can?t do that. Some things he says can be very spiteful and hurt me. He?s quite needy at times and has mood swings, which I struggle to understand and deal with. He says I am not supportive or I don?t care about his thoughts, but I know it's not me that causes them, and he has past hang ups that he really needs to get over, but he puts those stresses on me, and I don?t want him to. It has stopped me from feeling more for him. During arguments he says some nasty things, and I can?t forget them. They are so hurtful. He?d never say anything when we're not arguing and he says he doesn?t mean what he says when we do argue, but why say them then? Most of the time we have great sex. he satisfys me more than i have been before, but we've had little problems there too, which leaves us both frustrated. I?ve tried to talk to him when these things happen but he won?t listen and gets moody about it and it puts me off wanting him. On the other hand, he can be so thoughtful, kind, caring and he is everything I want. He will go out of his way for me and my kids without a thought for himself and I know that he'll do anything to make us happy. He does make me very happy from time to time, and I have never been with someone who is so romantic, committed, affectionate, he buys me little gifts all the time and I know he's loyal, considerate, fun and we have great sex and for somebody he is an ideal guy. He makes me feel good about myself everyday, and when we're not arguing he compliments me all the time. He is amazing with my kids and I know that they love him - I don?t know why I can?t. I know he is ideal for me, but I just don?t feel the way I should. I am sure I feel like this because of the arguments, and if they stopped then I might feel different but I don?t trust that they will, as I don?t think he can change.
When says that he loves me, in my head I want to respond that I love him too, but in my heart, I don?t know if I do and after this long together I should do. We have argued about the same things over and over again, and it's worn me out. I can?t look at him or know I?m seeing him and feel that excitement anymore. He says he does, but I think he's just saying it. I think he tries too much sometimes and that annoys me. He says his mood swings will stop when other areas in his life improve, but I want them to stop now. We argue over and over about it, and when he says he'll stop, I just think yeah right and he never does change. I know his situation hasn?t changed, but he should not constantly put that stress on me. I think the relationship should be easy and that he shouldn?t need to try, as if we were right together then it would work without trying, but I don?t know if I am looking at it from the wrong point of view. He tells me I have never tried to make it work, and I have. I wish he could understand that. I think we've both known that for me the feelings of 'love' were not right, and for some reason my feelings for him just didn?t get where they should be. But he is everything I want and I am worried that I am throwing away something that could be more than I am letting it be at the moment. I have been in a few relationships, and none of those guys were even half as good as this one.
I don?t think it has been right for a couple of months, and I haven?t felt they way I should do for longer than I remember, so I finished it a couple of days ago and now I am beginning to miss him, and I am not sure if what I have done is the right thing. Should we try again? Will my feelings develop? Should I be more understanding to his issues and needs? Will the arguments stop? I just don?t know. He is hard work at times and he can be so frustrating but at the same time he's ideal in so many ways.