A bit silly but....

[wifey6]

As my previous threads state...I have toxic sisters. Exclude me...put me down & ignore my attempts at communication. Thanks to the lovely ladies of MN...the advice I recieved has helped me break this cycle....however...I'm finding that having spent years in their shadows...its knocked my confidence etc to the point that I'm not great at making friends etc. they always made me feel worthless...so therefore I stopped as it was always with them...choosing to spend time with the one person who did genuinely care...my DH.
How can I help myself feel better about myself after years of their viciousness?

By seeing them for what they are; inadequate individuals who endeavour to mask their deficiencies by bullying you - and most probably others too.

Recognise that if any parties are 'worthless' in this situation it's them and realise that, unlike them, your personal integrity enables you to put your head on your pillow each night knowing that you have not caused hurt to anyone.

As for making friends, the best advice is to be one. Take time to truly listen to others and don't rush to judge them.

It's high time you came out of the shadows because you deserve your share of the sunshine. They have no power over you any more and now it's time for you claim the rightful place that they tried to deny you.

izzy...your post made me cry....it was really kind. Thank you so much for such a great response. I do have a few friends who I get on very well with...it's leaving my comfort zone that's my trouble. My sisters kind of made me feel like i was nothing without them.But I do want to get out of their shadows for good.

They made you feel like 'nothing without them' because they needed a crutch, honey.

They were - and no doubt still are - deeply jealous and envious of you, most probably because they could see that you were able to walk unaided.

In time you may come to feel sorry for them, but there's absolutely no need for you to rush getting to that state of grace

Unless we have a passion for extreme sports such as mountaineering, white water rafting etc, we can all experience problems leaving our comfort zones - faced with the prospect of a bungee jump, I freely admit that wild horses will have a problem dragging me out of mine.

Is there any reason why you should choose or want to leave yours? If you want to dip your toe in the waters of unknown seas 'feel the fear and do it anyway' in the comforting knowledge that you can retreat to safe shores anytime.

BTW the title of your post 'A bit silly but' is misleading as there's absolutely nothing silly or frivolous about your concerns.

To sound more assertive than you may feel you are, remove the words 'but' or 'sorry' from your vocabularly. It'll slow down your speech as you try to find alternative words and you'll find that people will be more inclined to listen to what you're saying if you're not always making excuses 'but' or apologising 'sorry' for being you and expressing your valid opinions.

Generally I find that if someone wants you to believe that you are nothing without them, then it is because they feel (secretly) that they are nothing without you.
When I used to doubt myself, I would look at my friends. They are fantastic, lovely, funny, loving people and they wouldn't be friends with me if we didn't have something in common, therefore I must be at least some of those things too

Thank you both...I have received more kindness in MN in the few weeks I have been here than I have in moths with my sisters. It's very much appreciated.
izzy....I guess leaving my comfort zone would mean putting myself up for rejection. But I really want to change...
I'm really taking your advice as though it's gold dust as I want to look back in a few months & feel better about me & my life. I have everything I could want...DH..DS...home & job but they have picked fault with them all that its left me feeling bet inadequate.

So you reach out and get rejected? Meh. Happens to all of us - and it's their loss, not ours.

On the other hand, if your self-esteem feels a bit fragile, I'm not suggesting you put yourself up for X-factor any time soon

You are right izzy....I think I'm just feeling in a bit of a rut emotionally with them. I'm ready to move on & meet new people... Without my toxic sisters.

x-factor....!

They're history, honey. Fill that rut in and start ploughing some new ones

Seriously, unless you are actively seeking to hurt others in word or deed, you shouldn't give a flying fuck about what anyone thinks of you or your life. If you're happy and content and make those around you feel happy and content, that's all that matters and all that counts in the grand scheme of things.

Want to become my therapist izzy?!
Thank you for the pep talk...it's just what I needed!

I could have written your OP wifey. It goes deep ime - one of them is my twin. Izzy you are a star - I'll be printing up this thread to remind myself it's not me who is sick deficient.

btw there's nothing silly about vicious bullying. People refer to sibling abuse as sibling rivalry, which kind of gets me when I've been on the end of vicious EA from the get-go. I don't think you can underestimate the devastating effect it can have tbh OP, so take it steady, don't beat yourself up or call what you're struggling with 'silly' (which is just confirming their poisonous put-downs if you think about it?). We've both managed to make some good friends, who love, value and accept us. But I'm with you on being wary, I know what that's like. Just keep stepping forward, one step at a time (and if anyone is horrid to you it's them who is horrid, not you). xx

Thank you springydaffs.....izzy has been great hasn't she!
I am so sorry to hear that you have suffered/suffering the same as me. It's an awful thin to carry around.
I too am keeping this thread as the reminder that...'it's them...not me'.
We can help each other springydaffs.

ok girlfriend

If you google 'sibling abuse' some interesting things come up. I found a site some time ago from the States which was quite helpful - at least to hear stories that were like my own (and ours) - some a whole lot worse . People in the states seem to be quite up on psychology/mental health, reel off a whole list of diagnoses (which leave me reeling tbh - I don't know what they're talking about!) - I guess because they have to carve out their own heathcare in a way we don't here in Blighty unless we are suffering from low-level mental health problems

springydaffs....thank you so much for all the info....it makes a lot of sense....I'm going to research it when I've finished work. It's such a relief to speak to people who understand what I am feeling..& are willing to help.
As I am for you.

springydaffs....just look up that info on -line.....very interesting & very true. Thank you