Sex

[FrustratedAsWell]

First time post so please be kind :). Just not sure how to put this. My DH seems to be getting more and more frustrated that I am not in the mood for sex as much as he is (all the time I think). At the moment it happens probably once every 3/4 weeks. I've 2 young DC's that aren't great at sleeping but not as bad as others I've seen here on MN. So not sure if I'm tired or just not in the mood all the time. Can see DH getting more and more frustrated and feeling a bit guilty!

If you have little inclination towards sex then go to the Docs.

Is it still good when you do it? Orgasms? I do think that it is very easy to get out of the habit of it.

Young children are killers for your sex life - I think that it picks up a bit when the youngest reaches 4/5 years but a lot of people I know had a pretty barren few years.

Don't feel guilty.......once in 3-4 weeks is more than we manage and I only have 1 DS ( 5 months and currently sleeps well)!!!!!

Low sex drive is an actual real medical problem - what pisses me off about the way the medical profession treat it is that they automatically rule out stress and relationship problems first. And most people have some stress and have had some angsty feelings towards their partner.

I'm so sick of women being told they are not 'sexually driven' - by the media, the medics etc.

Are you being unreasonable for not wanting sex? Well it's not really a question of being unreasonable is it?

AYBU for not having sex when you don't want to? no
AYBU for not making an effort to establish why you don't want sex? Yes

What exactly is the question?

Really enjoy it when we have sex, but it just doesn't make me want it all the time. So glad it's not just me - my first post and feeling a little better already. Think when we have sex it makes DH want even more often and can see his disappointment when I tell him I just want to go to bed.
What can a dr actually do?

Google female low sex drive, when men goes it's a shot of testosterone I think - it might be the same for women

You need to rule out some stuff yourself though. Glad to hear it's good for you when you do it. Plan it in. Get good sleep a few nights and then plan it in for Friday. If you actually try to have more even when you don't feel like it you will be able to see if you actually have a lower sex drive.

Ooo don't like the sound of a testosterone injection !
Vitamins or something a bit more natural? Don't know. Thanks for advice anyway Fairy :) Willing to give something a try.

Small kids and no sleep are the biggest libido destructors I know of. A lot of women on MN have also noted that changing pill or from pill makes a huge difference.

I also think there is nothing wrong with lending a helping hand etc even if you are not in the mood iykwim.

I've Changed pill a few times for this very reason. I used to want sex even less on previous ones!

I'll poss see if I can switch again and maybe talk to Dr about this as well.
'Helping hand' :)

My sex drive goes non existent when on the pill. Any type.

There are some herbal supplements, I think, that can help. Failing that, why not try doing things for yourself that turn you on or make you feel more attractive or interested in sex. I know when I'm all primped and preened it makes me feel a bit more sex kittenish and in the mood than when I'm in trackie bottoms etc...

reading stories can help - have you looked at Literotica? Some good writers amongst the bad.

I suppose it depends how much effort you want to make to get yourself in the mood, as opposed to just waiting for it to happen spontaneously or, even worse, getting to the point where you feel you have to have sex for his sake, which is the least sexy reason to get jiggy and can be a total turn off.

Have a boyfriend of 2 years. For the first 6 months we were at it like rabbits.
It's become less and less frequent. Currently a couple of times a month. I'm not on any type of contraceptive and just think it's probably due to my monthly cycle. For a couple of weeks prior to my period I'd rather poke sharp sticks in my eyes I just don't feel like it, plain and simple.

Exercise and stretching are good for boosting your sex drive. I love stretching and turn into a horny git every time, without fail :o (though this wasn't true at first when I was stiff and not in the slightest flexible. Only when i could lift my leg in a sexy fashion did it start making me feel like a sex goddess :o)

I'm another one whose sex drive vanishes when I'm on the pill. I'm off it now, and I'm a different woman - really. I'd also recommend going to see a GP if it's causing ructions with DH.

My sex drive has not vanished, but I find it very hard to get in the mood when DH and I do not get enough privacy beforehand iyswim.

For instance, last night DH had indicated that he might be interested if I was, (which I was at the time) but then a programme came on the TV that resulted in both DS's sitting downstairs with us and watching til it was time for all of us to go to bed, by which time I was totally not in the mood as I had not had a chance of just me and DH time.

Maybe you need to try to set aside some time for just you and your DH, even just an hour here and there, which I know is so hard when you have DC's

Make some time for you both, and talk to him about it. he needs to make you feel like you want it too. Speak to someone together and see if that can help.

I'd agree that lots of talking, in bed if you can and plenty of kissing hugging and touching with no pressure for sex will often spark it.

Sometimes I feel that I could take it or leave it however once DP enters me I absolutely love it and realise that its at that point I'm really up for it IYSWIM. We lead busy lives so are tired, and when you are tired its easy to desire sleep more than sex, but I find making the effort well worth it

Does your DH share the burden of seeing to the non-sleeping children, to make sure you have a chance to get some sleep too?

Lots to think about and loads of great advice - glad I'm not alone :)

wow, came on to start my own thread but this thread is exactly what I needed. I am currently being given the silent treatment as last night I turned DH down. I am not a late night person especially since having the DCs, and by the time I had had a bottle of wine, followed by a coffee and then my parents didnt leave for ages (they babysat), we sat down at midnight and I couldnt be bothered. Also we have no physical contact for weeks at a time - we dont hug, kiss or anything then suddenly he wants me to switch on. I suggested we needed to connect somehow before just jumping in and he sent me to bed in disgrace and says he will never approach me for sex again.

I think sex breeds sex, the more you make the effort, the more you remember that actually it's really quite nice and fun and yummy and then you want it more. It also helps if the more you have the more affectionate your dp is.

However if I had a partner who did help out with the kids and house when they were young and we were both shattered I'd probably have rather stabbed him with a knife instead!

it certainly does not help when you have to be up with the kids and DH does nothing. Maybe if he was offering a lie in i might be inclined to stay up a bit later. Frustratedaswell- once the ball is rolling you usually feel ok about it but its just that giant leap from knackered to frisky that they seem to think we can do at the drop of a hat.