Sorry, this is about in-laws!!
My husband has ZERO to do with my family apart from pass me the phone when they call. We live quite a way from them, and when I go visit, he doesn't come along. That's fine by me, I can do what I want with my family and not worry about him being bored. In fact this happens quite a lot in my family, we all still hang out together sometimes without our other halves and we all get along better for it.
His family. They come over quite a lot and end up staying for days on end. We have also been on holiday with them a few times. That's fine by me, they are his family and great GP's to my children. I am welcoming and generous to them. I respect that they are his family and they are welcome anytime. Here lies the problem. Since the day we met, his parents and siblings have been very rude to me. For example, they got upset when we got engaged and said they didn't want anything to do with our wedding, then criticized the wedding. The women in his family are very catty and passive aggressive to me and they criticize anything I do/ try to achieve. Every time we meet, at one stage of the day his mum will tell me "e.g. don't worry about that because you are not part of our family". They have never done anything for me, except try and bring me down and pick holes. IF one of his sisters comes to stay with them, his mum and sister will go out and have a manicure or go shopping and not invite me!!!! I find this hard to deal with as my own family are very positive and encouraging people. They will also come stay at our place for a week and then tell me that they were not happy with the food, we eat too late and that we are boring and don't talk like normal people. They want to sit round the table and talk for hours. I'll say, OK what do you want to talk about? and the conversation for the next 2 house will focus on how much money X person has, what a bitch y person is and Aunty Betty's garden. I find it excruciating!!!!
Anyway, after many years of this, I cannot be BOTHERED anymore. They are still as welcome as ever etc. but I do not want to hang out with them. I do not see why I need to hang around, go places with them and generally have to get involved with the politics of their family all of the time. I do not enjoy their company. I do still spend about 50-60% of the time with them when they are here, but I have told my husband that when they are here, I am not dropping everything to humour them. I have other stuff to do. I think they will welcome me buggering off out too. I am also very happy for him to drive over to theirs and hang out with them whilst I go shopping, do chores and generally get stuff done without my young kids around.
He says I am being unreasonable and rude. Surely, if I am not "part of the family" then who cares if I am there or not?
So, who is the one being unreasonable here - me or him?