Scared to get pregnant as i'm not sure if my H would stick through the worst outcome

[BunnyLane]

Very long name but wasn't sure how to name this post...
When I met my H he just split up with his girlfriend. (left her to be with me) Few weeks latter he got an email that she was pregnant but couldn't carry on with the pregnancy. (don't remember what was the condition called) He talked to me about it and was honest, he went to hospital with her to support her and spend few night in her house while she was recovering. I had no problems with that I told him straight away that he should be there for her as it's a very traumatic experience.
We have one child together.
Now, few years ago now I was switching between contraseptics, my nurse fucked up date calculations and I felt pregnant while on an injectable contraseptic. Went to doctor and he told me that there's no other way apart from abortion as the egg was damaged and I would have a miscarriage at latter stage. I told my H, he was really upset. When I made all the appointments, he left me to deal with it on my own. The night before I was crying for 10hours straight while he was at 'work' and couldn't get home till 12 at night. I want to clinic on my own, he just wasn't there for me at all, I was devastated and felt crushed... He ripped my heart out basically... Few times I've confronted him about it all he said that it was too difficult for him to deal with it... As it was easy for me?!
Now he wants another baby, and I do too. But I'm so scared that if anything goes wrong he won't be there for me and I'm terrified... I don't think I ever forgave him, cos it made me feel like he cared for his ex more then he cares for me... Am I being a idiot? I mean it all happend a long time ago...

People fall pregnant on injectable contracepive and go on to have healthy babies. So please don't blame the contraception for your previous experience.
Have you actually spoken to your DP about how you felt about his lack of support last time?

Why have you put scare quotes around 'work', OP? Was he not really working? Or is it that you feel he could have got the time off, but chose to stay on to avoid what was going on?

I'm not surprised you have massive doubts about ttc with him. He did let you down badly, left you to it. I don't think you're being an idiot. There's no reason to believe you will go through anything like what happened before, but obviously you need to feel you can trust him to be there for you.

If you do still see your future as one together, raising a family, it does need to be resolved. I think one way might be to talk it out in relationship counselling?

You say you have one child together. How old is your dc and was your dh 'there for you' throughout the pregnancy and birth? Is he a hands-on father?

If I'm reading it correctly, the child they have together was terminated.

FWIW, I wish you'd had some counselling because you were given false information. Was this in the UK? I worked in a women's clinic and also in a A&E and we had several women fall pregnant on injectible contraception. In the A&E case, the lady came in delivering, believing her intense abdominal pain was from some other cause. She had received injections throughout her pregnancy and her baby was healthy.

I think the issue here is he was a better partner to his ex, then he was to his partner a time of need,

did you confront him on the difference between how he was with you and her? if so what was his defence?.

Have either of you had counselling? If not, I recommend this, especially in his case, before you TTC.

I don't consider that it's in the OP's best interests to start thinking at this late stage that she may have had an unnecessary termination, eminence.

I hope you won't take any notice of eminence's comment Bunny, as it iisn't for others on this board or elsewhere to question the medical advice you were given.

Before you consider ttc you need to talk to your H about the way you are feeling and it may be that counselling will provide you both with an opportunity to lay the past to rest once and for all.

Eminence and Doha, I'm well aware that it all could've been very different now. And I wish I went to get a second opinion after taking to my GP. I was devastated and in fragile state at the time and trusted my GP. I go over that week in my head so many times it makes me feel sick but it's too late now....

I don't think he'd go to counseling as he always says that we have to work things through ourselves without some stranger interfering...

Rollon, We talked about it few times and I told him how much he hurt me. He is generally sorry I know that. He tells me that he wasn't there for me cos it was too hard for him to deal with it. When I say to him that it makes me feel like shit that he was there for her but left me to it, he says that I'm trying to punish him for something that happend a long time ago and he has no control over it now... So never really had an in-depth conversation about it all...

We have a 3year old girl. He was very supportive and caring through the pregnancy and even thou he works long hours he tries to call her before bedtime to say goodnight and spend every free minute of his time with us... He is a very good dad and husband.

You both have a point I think. It's understandable that you feel let down by him especially when he was so supportive of his ex. However, he's also right that i was a long time ago and he can't change what happened. It seems to me that you want him to acknowledge how much he hurt you and to validate your feelings and fears rather than fobbing you off with "it was a long time ago." Could you say that to him - that you know it was a long time ago but can he admit that he was wrong and try to understand your current worries?

I know it doesn't excuse it but perhaps the fact that he just couldn't handle what happened with you shows he cares for you more than his his ex - it just scared him so much that he couldn't be there. Now that he's older and more mature chances are he will be there for you if the worst happens again, particularly as he's so good with your DD.

However, if you don't trust him, don't go ahead. You need to get on a secure footing before trying for another baby.

Totally agree with Cailin, don't go ahead with a further pregnancy before you get things resolved.

Aah, ok

I feel very he let you down, do you think he gets how badly he let you down? even so he does have control over how he behaves this time.

Lunatic, no he didn't. thanks you do have a point i never looked at it that way...

Thank you to everyone I did start to look at the whole situation from different point of view.

All and all we'll have to talk it out somehow and hopefully put it all behind us somehow.